I found out they were doing a remake of "The Stepford Wives" while surfing on IMDb.com, and when I saw the cast, I was intrigued at what an eclectic bunch they had assembled...Nicole Kidman, Glenn Close, Christopher Walken, Matthew Broderick, Bette Midler, John Lovitz (huh?), and Faith Hill (double, huh?). Given that Lovitz and Midler were in the mix, I could only assume that they were going to give it a comedic horror edge...interesting, I thought. This didn't make me rush to the theater and be the first one in line on opening day, mind you, but, I did find the prospect interesting. Well, this is proof positive that a great cast doesn't a wonderful movie make, and that classics should never be at best remade, and at the very least "tweaked" and remade.
On a recent trip to San Francisco, and with a 5:00 am flight the next day, I thought the best way to spend my final evening is catching up on all those films I didn't see in the cinema. "The Stepford Wives" was available on the hotel movie list, so I thought, "Why not?" When the very first scene involved a "reality TV" exec (Kidman) launching proposed new shows, complete with a Meredith Viera cameo, I knew I was in for an odd night. Still undaunted, I continued watching. What followed was one of the most over-hyped, ludicrous, inconsistent, and down right stupid hour and forty five minutes I've ever wasted. It wasn't funny. It wasn't scary. It wasn't even "Mommie Dearest"-let's-treat-it-as-camp-bad. It wasn't necessary.
Kidman creates one of the most boring and unimaginative characters in recent memory. It just leads me to believe that, Oscar win for "The Hours" or not, the jury is still out on her. Matthew Broderick is completely wasted as her mousey husband who packs the family up and moves them to Stepford. Bette Midler plays the bawdy feminist author with wisecracking husband (John Lovitz) in tow. I can only imagine that the writers thought that their appearance on the screen would be funny enough because NOTHING they said could make me crack a smile. A little bit of John Lovitz goes a long way. You had the token gay couple present, updating "Stepford" to the 21st century...Log Cabin paired with flaming queen...how funny...twenty years ago. If you blinked, you'd have missed Faith Hill. Given this was her big on screen debut, maybe we should just consider her lack of dialogue a gift. Christopher Walken must have an outstanding debt with the studio that produced this disaster...that's the only logical explanation that justifies his presence at all. And Glenn Close...talented and old reliable, Glenn Close...if there is a notable performance in this idea gone awry, it's hers. But, even her quirky performance turns embarrassing when this train wreck finally winds down.
Which leads me to the biggest problem I have...its inconsistency. Are they robots, or are they women with a chip in their head? One simple way to avoid this problem is PICK ONE OR THE OTHER. Don't have a woman spit out money from her mouth like an ATM, or have Faith Hill "blow a fuse" with sparks flying out of her ears in one scene, then follow it with a simple "off" switch making them all normal again. Even with the largest suspension of disbelief available, this is an amateurish plot error that stands out like a Southern Baptist at a bar Mitzvah. It's almost as if they had them be normal at the end because test audiences didn't want to deal with the fact that Bette Midler wasn't going to have anymore screen time once she blew up. It was horrible, and an insult to even the most casual of moviegoers.
I suppose that Hollywood has come to the conclusion that if the cast is big enough, you can feed them whatever trail of dog sick you like once the audience has bought their ticket and sat down. If this is the new trend, then do us all a favor...leave the classics alone. Fire your "writers" and hire a chimpanzee to write the scripts...at least they work for bananas--meaning the price of admission might go down.
On a recent trip to San Francisco, and with a 5:00 am flight the next day, I thought the best way to spend my final evening is catching up on all those films I didn't see in the cinema. "The Stepford Wives" was available on the hotel movie list, so I thought, "Why not?" When the very first scene involved a "reality TV" exec (Kidman) launching proposed new shows, complete with a Meredith Viera cameo, I knew I was in for an odd night. Still undaunted, I continued watching. What followed was one of the most over-hyped, ludicrous, inconsistent, and down right stupid hour and forty five minutes I've ever wasted. It wasn't funny. It wasn't scary. It wasn't even "Mommie Dearest"-let's-treat-it-as-camp-bad. It wasn't necessary.
Kidman creates one of the most boring and unimaginative characters in recent memory. It just leads me to believe that, Oscar win for "The Hours" or not, the jury is still out on her. Matthew Broderick is completely wasted as her mousey husband who packs the family up and moves them to Stepford. Bette Midler plays the bawdy feminist author with wisecracking husband (John Lovitz) in tow. I can only imagine that the writers thought that their appearance on the screen would be funny enough because NOTHING they said could make me crack a smile. A little bit of John Lovitz goes a long way. You had the token gay couple present, updating "Stepford" to the 21st century...Log Cabin paired with flaming queen...how funny...twenty years ago. If you blinked, you'd have missed Faith Hill. Given this was her big on screen debut, maybe we should just consider her lack of dialogue a gift. Christopher Walken must have an outstanding debt with the studio that produced this disaster...that's the only logical explanation that justifies his presence at all. And Glenn Close...talented and old reliable, Glenn Close...if there is a notable performance in this idea gone awry, it's hers. But, even her quirky performance turns embarrassing when this train wreck finally winds down.
Which leads me to the biggest problem I have...its inconsistency. Are they robots, or are they women with a chip in their head? One simple way to avoid this problem is PICK ONE OR THE OTHER. Don't have a woman spit out money from her mouth like an ATM, or have Faith Hill "blow a fuse" with sparks flying out of her ears in one scene, then follow it with a simple "off" switch making them all normal again. Even with the largest suspension of disbelief available, this is an amateurish plot error that stands out like a Southern Baptist at a bar Mitzvah. It's almost as if they had them be normal at the end because test audiences didn't want to deal with the fact that Bette Midler wasn't going to have anymore screen time once she blew up. It was horrible, and an insult to even the most casual of moviegoers.
I suppose that Hollywood has come to the conclusion that if the cast is big enough, you can feed them whatever trail of dog sick you like once the audience has bought their ticket and sat down. If this is the new trend, then do us all a favor...leave the classics alone. Fire your "writers" and hire a chimpanzee to write the scripts...at least they work for bananas--meaning the price of admission might go down.