First off, I wasn't expecting a lot out of this movie. Sword and sandal flicks aren't known for their high quality. Secondly, it was directed by Rudolph Mate, famous for having helmed the Tony Curtis classics, The Black Shield of Falworth and The Prince Who Was a Thief.
But nothing could have prepared me for the sheer loopiness of this charmer. All the scenes play as if staged for a proscenium, everyone stiffly posed (and posed is right), facing in one direction, twisting their heads to talk to the person beside them.
There is a minimal storyline. The Carthaginian army/navy? (they don't make it clear) invades a small Celtic island. The Carthaginian forces (all 20 of them) quickly conquer and take as hostages the son and daughter of the king. This is Revak (Jack Palance) and his sister. On the boat going back to Carthage, the evil general decides to humiliate his captives and has both of them brought up on deck. This is when the movie goes from the ridiculous to the sublime. The evil general growls, "Dance for me, captive!" as he grabs the sister's dress and rips it off her. Little sister twinkletoes spirals daintily out of her dress, to reveal that underneath she is wearing the exact same outfit, only in a mini-skirted version. The Carthaginian forces (all 20 of them) stand in a straight row at the back of the scene, making bad guy noises, while Palance chews on the scenery at his end of the stage set. Twinkletoes pulls out a huge knife out if her little outfit (where was it?), and very carrrefulllly - scratches the general's face with it. (Huh?) The Carthaginian forces (all 20 of them) growl a little. Palance is swallowing whole chunks of the scenery. Twinkletoes is disarmed by the general (thanks for helping out here, Carthaginian army), and finally does a little dance, reminiscent of a high schooler who has read a book about Isadora Duncan. The evil general goes INSANE with lust. He snatches Twinkletoes's arm, and informs her that her next dance will be in his bed (GASP!). Inexplicably, he immediately lets go of her so that she can skip to the other side of the stage to inform Palance that she would rather die. Palance pauses as he is sucking down the backdrops to say goodbye. She then scampers back to stand on the railing. The Carthaginians (all 21 of them - I'm counting the general too this time) say things like, "Stop her! Don't let her go!" But NOBODY MOVES!!!! Twinkletoes does a neat little pike into the water, and I have to pause the movie so I can catch my breath from all the laughter.
And this is only in the first 20 minutes! It just keeps getting better and better. Like the scene where Palance comes face to face with an elephant, and obligingly arches his back and throws his arms wide so that the elephant can easily pick him up.
Not to be missed.
But nothing could have prepared me for the sheer loopiness of this charmer. All the scenes play as if staged for a proscenium, everyone stiffly posed (and posed is right), facing in one direction, twisting their heads to talk to the person beside them.
There is a minimal storyline. The Carthaginian army/navy? (they don't make it clear) invades a small Celtic island. The Carthaginian forces (all 20 of them) quickly conquer and take as hostages the son and daughter of the king. This is Revak (Jack Palance) and his sister. On the boat going back to Carthage, the evil general decides to humiliate his captives and has both of them brought up on deck. This is when the movie goes from the ridiculous to the sublime. The evil general growls, "Dance for me, captive!" as he grabs the sister's dress and rips it off her. Little sister twinkletoes spirals daintily out of her dress, to reveal that underneath she is wearing the exact same outfit, only in a mini-skirted version. The Carthaginian forces (all 20 of them) stand in a straight row at the back of the scene, making bad guy noises, while Palance chews on the scenery at his end of the stage set. Twinkletoes pulls out a huge knife out if her little outfit (where was it?), and very carrrefulllly - scratches the general's face with it. (Huh?) The Carthaginian forces (all 20 of them) growl a little. Palance is swallowing whole chunks of the scenery. Twinkletoes is disarmed by the general (thanks for helping out here, Carthaginian army), and finally does a little dance, reminiscent of a high schooler who has read a book about Isadora Duncan. The evil general goes INSANE with lust. He snatches Twinkletoes's arm, and informs her that her next dance will be in his bed (GASP!). Inexplicably, he immediately lets go of her so that she can skip to the other side of the stage to inform Palance that she would rather die. Palance pauses as he is sucking down the backdrops to say goodbye. She then scampers back to stand on the railing. The Carthaginians (all 21 of them - I'm counting the general too this time) say things like, "Stop her! Don't let her go!" But NOBODY MOVES!!!! Twinkletoes does a neat little pike into the water, and I have to pause the movie so I can catch my breath from all the laughter.
And this is only in the first 20 minutes! It just keeps getting better and better. Like the scene where Palance comes face to face with an elephant, and obligingly arches his back and throws his arms wide so that the elephant can easily pick him up.
Not to be missed.