monstermonkeyhead Review of The Blue Jean Monster

The Blue Jean Monster (1991)

An amazing masterpiece that deserves a U.S. DVD release

[10/10 · 1 April 2005]

I'm shocked that at this point in time I'm the only person to write a comment about this incredible spectacle. First off, the title has nothing to do with anything. McDonalds employees must grab Big Macs like breasts to see who unknowingly had sex with a transvestite. I kid you not. A particularly violent bank robbery ends up with a cop being paralyzed, or perhaps dead, in a junkyard. Then a cat sits on his chest, which for some reason glows red around him. Then lightning knocks a telephone pole on him. The electricity brings him to life, so he's super strong and indestructible. He goes home to put Band-aids on his wounds from the bank robbery, but one wound is too big, so he uses his wife's Maxi-pad on it (since the package proclaims it is absorbent and prevents leakage). When he eats food, it comes out his wound. He puts a bunch of noodles from his wound into a bowl which his friend accidentally eats. The guy uses an iron to recharge himself with electricity. His friend catches him doing this, and tries to pull the iron away, and the 2 end up on the floor twitching. His wife walks in and thinks they're having homosexual sex. She the goes on a very politically incorrect rant, and tells them to get out. The movie just keeps on going like this. It's an amazing movie. The pregnant wife trying to turn her husband back into a heterosexual, hires a sexy hooker to have sex with him. The hubby not knowing this comes home and gets into bed with whom he thinks is his wife. He feels the hooker's breasts, but when she turns the light on, he's surprised, he explains, "Each of your breasts are as big as one of my pregnant wife's stomachs. I was seeing if I could feel my son kicking." A great piece of dialogue, worthy of my own humor then occurs. He says, "Who the hell are you?" She says, "I'm yours!" He says, "Your name is 'yours'". The hooker keeps coming on to him and attacking him to get in his pants. He's trying to be a good faithful husband, plus his male member doesn't work being dead and all, plus his gaping wounds... so he keeps trying to get away. He goes to push the hooker away, accidentally grabbing her breasts, and not knowing his own new super strength, he accidentally grabs them too hard so that streams of milk shoot out of them. At the end the wife gives birth to a baby during a shoot out. Another great piece of dialogue occurs. Wife says, "It's a boy!" Husband says, "Yes it is. He has a d***." And the baby pees in his face. Unbelievable. Of course there's so much more that my mind reels. If you ever have an opportunity to view this movie, do so at any cost. It is worth any price. Considering this was made in 1991, it is even more amazing how it is still light-years ahead of anything currently being made. And my God, will some U.S. distributer please give this a proper DVD release?