I think I'll email Mr. Ebert with an entry for his Movie Glossary Guide:
FAT COP SYNDROME -- A Dead Teenager/Slasher Horror film formula element that establishes a sense of hopelessness by casting an obscenely obese 'comic relief' character in the role of the small town sheriff. I.E. The only thing that can save us is a fat blubbery cop who would rather eat, masturbate, and/or consume hard liquor while drooling over girlie magazines than fight evil.
A friend and I recently bought out the VHS libraries of two rental stores that were converting to all DVD (one of the dumbest ideas I could ever think of). I glommed onto most of the interesting looking/sounding horror videos and have been enjoying some vacation time just chilling and watching tapes. Some have been eye opening or viscerally entertaining enough to bother with more than once (SAVAGE WEEKEND, DEATH SPA) and many will soon be for sale for mere pennies. Shelf space is a commodity around here, life is short, and some sucker out there will want NIGHTMARE HONEYMOON, I wager.
We'll probably keep HOUSE OF DEATH though; Decent looking college aged women get utterly stark naked, there's some acceptable Hackage & Dismemberment, and I like the low budget settings of the carnival and spooky old rain shrouded house. The production values are fairly high for this kind of stuff, though some of the "teenagers" look like they are in their mid-30's and should be ashamed of themselves for robbing the cradles like that OR really proud for getting to score with the coed supporting cast. Depends on your point of view.
But this is about the sixth slasher flick I have seen this week with a really FAT small town cop who is supposed to be "funny", and it got me thinking about how the role of the bumbling, inept small town lawman -- usually knocking back a half pint or slobbering down large sandwiches -- is so vital to making the audience feel as though the people in the story have absolutely zero hope of seeing daylight. Having the cop be a big, fat, shambling, disheveled, sleazy, porn-loving slob in EVERY movie, though, cannot be mere coincidence. And, interestingly, a very American trait: In European made equivalents, the cops are played by Franco Nero, Ray Lovelock and Henry Silva. In the US, guys who make Louie Anderson look svelte by comparison ... We are definitely onto something here.
They all must go to the same Big & Tall Shops For Fat Movie Cops Outlet Store too, specializing in making you look utterly useless in an emergency. Heck, the supporting cast might as well just line up a bunch of tree stumps and kneel down with their necks craned out, because there is no doubt that when push comes to shove we will get a lazy inept fat guy with a sloppy sandwich gag, and probably a glimpse of a vintage Hustler magazine cover to boot. HOUSE OF DEATH is no different, better or worse in that regards, it just sort of is what it is. I can live with that, and fans of 80's horror will be amused by this nasty little relic.
But again and again, the bottom line with these movies seems to be that breasts will hopefully be bared and lives may be lost, but at least the fat sheriff will get to enjoy the rest of that sandwich.
FAT COP SYNDROME -- A Dead Teenager/Slasher Horror film formula element that establishes a sense of hopelessness by casting an obscenely obese 'comic relief' character in the role of the small town sheriff. I.E. The only thing that can save us is a fat blubbery cop who would rather eat, masturbate, and/or consume hard liquor while drooling over girlie magazines than fight evil.
A friend and I recently bought out the VHS libraries of two rental stores that were converting to all DVD (one of the dumbest ideas I could ever think of). I glommed onto most of the interesting looking/sounding horror videos and have been enjoying some vacation time just chilling and watching tapes. Some have been eye opening or viscerally entertaining enough to bother with more than once (SAVAGE WEEKEND, DEATH SPA) and many will soon be for sale for mere pennies. Shelf space is a commodity around here, life is short, and some sucker out there will want NIGHTMARE HONEYMOON, I wager.
We'll probably keep HOUSE OF DEATH though; Decent looking college aged women get utterly stark naked, there's some acceptable Hackage & Dismemberment, and I like the low budget settings of the carnival and spooky old rain shrouded house. The production values are fairly high for this kind of stuff, though some of the "teenagers" look like they are in their mid-30's and should be ashamed of themselves for robbing the cradles like that OR really proud for getting to score with the coed supporting cast. Depends on your point of view.
But this is about the sixth slasher flick I have seen this week with a really FAT small town cop who is supposed to be "funny", and it got me thinking about how the role of the bumbling, inept small town lawman -- usually knocking back a half pint or slobbering down large sandwiches -- is so vital to making the audience feel as though the people in the story have absolutely zero hope of seeing daylight. Having the cop be a big, fat, shambling, disheveled, sleazy, porn-loving slob in EVERY movie, though, cannot be mere coincidence. And, interestingly, a very American trait: In European made equivalents, the cops are played by Franco Nero, Ray Lovelock and Henry Silva. In the US, guys who make Louie Anderson look svelte by comparison ... We are definitely onto something here.
They all must go to the same Big & Tall Shops For Fat Movie Cops Outlet Store too, specializing in making you look utterly useless in an emergency. Heck, the supporting cast might as well just line up a bunch of tree stumps and kneel down with their necks craned out, because there is no doubt that when push comes to shove we will get a lazy inept fat guy with a sloppy sandwich gag, and probably a glimpse of a vintage Hustler magazine cover to boot. HOUSE OF DEATH is no different, better or worse in that regards, it just sort of is what it is. I can live with that, and fans of 80's horror will be amused by this nasty little relic.
But again and again, the bottom line with these movies seems to be that breasts will hopefully be bared and lives may be lost, but at least the fat sheriff will get to enjoy the rest of that sandwich.