srfm79 Review of Frost: Portrait of a Vampire

Frost: Portrait of a Vampire (2003 Video)

Someone should offer YOU money to watch this

[1/10 · 26 September 2005]

This is the first time I have ever watched a film that was so appallingly bad that I almost didn't care to watch the second half of the movie on fast forward. OK, so it's supposed to be a vampire movie. It is not scary at any point. It turns out to be a sort of vehicle for action figure Frost who wears sunglasses through the entire movie because (in contrast to the vampires in the movie) his eyes are extremely sensitive to light. There is a ridiculous red herring (allthough the term red herring doesn't really apply to a movie without a sensible plot) in the script where Frost is hired to steal a painting and does in a sort of even-lower-budget McGyver way. This has nothing to do with the rest of the movie and there is no follow-up. The only good thing to say about "Portrait..." is that the sound and picture quality is OK. It is not even unintentionally funny. A soft-core porn movie with all the nude scenes cut out would be more entertaining. I give my sympathy to the cameramen, boom holders and professional editors who will apparently work for food.