Whenever the conversation turns to "CSI" or whatever prime time offering is currently in vogue, I quickly flag the waitress for a check. The last network television show I watched with any regularity was a Saturday morning hangover cure called "Save by the Bell." As Fran Liebowitz said, "if you're gonna' watch TV, watch TV." Not that the worst film is better than anything on television, it's just that after watching three movies in one day, the last thing I need in my home is more visual stimulation. The line between commercial film-making and think-free storytelling with commercial interruptions is less conspicuous than ever as studios bait their hooks with product inspired by, derived from and/or best suited for the small screen.
Tracy Stokes (Nick Cannon) is a third generation beat cop assigned bike duty. Only after a stolen goods deal goes bad and a bicyclist-dispersing, empty cardboard box tossing (no fruit cart?) chase ensues does newbie Tracy produce a gun. Youthful enough to pass for a high school student, under-qualified Tracy goes undercover to infiltrate an auto theft ring at a ritzy private academy. Rest assured that no new wrinkles or surprises will brighten this ancient premise. There are well-groomed punks to deal with (Shawn Ashmore & Angelo Spizzirri), a soft-hearted father substitute (Cheech Marin), a gorgeous Spanish teacher to romance (Roselyn Sanchez), and a stock authoritarian figure (Hugh Bonneville) to battle.
Being one of the few visible African-Americans at a predominantly white school, Tracy predictably demonstrates his ability to shoot hoop, and later paintballs and bullets. Brace yourself: "Underclassman's" running time is action-padded with a basketball game, Ski-Doo water chase, paintball contest, even a rugby match! Everyone on board actually bought into this vanity piece. The success of "Drumline" made the 24-year-old Nick Cannon a Miramax Star of Tomorrow. He currently has six films (including the hotly anticipated "Untitled Nick Cannon Project") in various stages of production, all slated for a 2005-6 release. With a name like Nick Cannon you'd half expect a Mickey Spillane dick or a jarhead fighting alongside Sgt. Fury. Instead we have a spindly, baby-faced pup whose first-time story outline is as clownish as his on-screen persona.
Although structurally as lumpy, Siega's first film, "Pretty Persuasion," a dark comedy about a student accusing her drama teacher of sexual harassment. showcases a better cast acting out a darker fantasy. Kudos to the freshman director. At a time when it's difficult for a newcomer to get one movie financed, Siega currently has two films in wide release. Unfortunately, when combined they don't add up to one feature.
Tracy Stokes (Nick Cannon) is a third generation beat cop assigned bike duty. Only after a stolen goods deal goes bad and a bicyclist-dispersing, empty cardboard box tossing (no fruit cart?) chase ensues does newbie Tracy produce a gun. Youthful enough to pass for a high school student, under-qualified Tracy goes undercover to infiltrate an auto theft ring at a ritzy private academy. Rest assured that no new wrinkles or surprises will brighten this ancient premise. There are well-groomed punks to deal with (Shawn Ashmore & Angelo Spizzirri), a soft-hearted father substitute (Cheech Marin), a gorgeous Spanish teacher to romance (Roselyn Sanchez), and a stock authoritarian figure (Hugh Bonneville) to battle.
Being one of the few visible African-Americans at a predominantly white school, Tracy predictably demonstrates his ability to shoot hoop, and later paintballs and bullets. Brace yourself: "Underclassman's" running time is action-padded with a basketball game, Ski-Doo water chase, paintball contest, even a rugby match! Everyone on board actually bought into this vanity piece. The success of "Drumline" made the 24-year-old Nick Cannon a Miramax Star of Tomorrow. He currently has six films (including the hotly anticipated "Untitled Nick Cannon Project") in various stages of production, all slated for a 2005-6 release. With a name like Nick Cannon you'd half expect a Mickey Spillane dick or a jarhead fighting alongside Sgt. Fury. Instead we have a spindly, baby-faced pup whose first-time story outline is as clownish as his on-screen persona.
Although structurally as lumpy, Siega's first film, "Pretty Persuasion," a dark comedy about a student accusing her drama teacher of sexual harassment. showcases a better cast acting out a darker fantasy. Kudos to the freshman director. At a time when it's difficult for a newcomer to get one movie financed, Siega currently has two films in wide release. Unfortunately, when combined they don't add up to one feature.