I've never seen the first two films in this series, and I can't say that i'm sorry about that. This egregiously bad 80's sword swinger ranks up there with the Ator the Fighting Eagle series as the worst of all time.
The main character is a smug, sleazy idiot with a bad 80's hair-do and an accent that fluctuates more than the stock market did on Black Tuesday. No woman in her right mind would touch him, which explains why his love interest in the film is four barrels short of a load. His enemy is a guy who wears more furs and turbans than Liza, and gasps out his lines like he's trying to act during an asthma attack. Rounding out this cast is a really annoying princess, a stupid wizard who's the lost member of ZZ Top, and a sorceress with a grating voice who tries to roast our hero's nuts(my favorite part of the film, by the way).
The movie starts out in a village(Renn Fest) where Deathstalker is being his usual smug, oily self. He impresses the local yokels by fighting a guy while standing on a log, then goes to a fortune teller/wizard to get his fortune told. I pretty much know what the guy would have told him, that his film career was over and he should take that job at the car dealership, but he never got that far because the bushy bearded wiz was in conference with a princess carrying a giant faux crystal door handle. The wizard was toting one of these hideous kitsch baubles around as well, and apparently when you put them together it is a key that unlocks a fabulous city full of wealth(yeah, right). Some men wearing metal bats on their heads attack, and the wizard disappears by spinning rapidly. He leaves his shoes behind, making you wonder(most horribly), why he didn't leave his clothes behind as well. The princess takes off with our hero, and promptly gets killed before she can slap him to head off his sleazy sexual advances. She gives him the Airwick air freshener, so that he can go find the other one himself. It would cut his body odor wonderfully.
Cut to a later time,where the bad guy Truxartis? is doing his best Broadway musical singer imitation while going on about how he means to find the other stone and use its magical power for his own thing. He brings some guys back from the dead, using the powers of deepest, blackest Hell, so that they could lounge around his castle pretty much doing nothing. There was a waste of magic. Deathstalker, meanwhile, has met the dead princess's twin? sister, who is on her way to marry ol feather and furs Truxartis. He also meets his love interest, a fairly slow and rather strange girl with amazingly big hair and a problem with bathing. Her and he get along well together, not a big surprise.
The movie devolves into a quagmire at this point, with plot points trailing off into nothing one after the other. The dead guys catch up with Deathstalker, but instead of killing him as they should, they pretty much do what they've done throughout the movie-which is nothing. The princess arrives at the castle, dresses in a silly looking faux harem costume, and spends the rest of the movie whining. The sorceress tortures idiot boy, the only detraction from the pleasure of this scene being the fact that he's wearing only the tightest of tights while she does this. Arrgh!
The scrubby bearded wizard shows up again, nobody knows why, is captured and tortured by the femme fatale Truxartis, and is rescued by Deathstalker in a really lame fighting scene. Deathstalker frees the souls of the dead guys by giving them a mason jar, which was no loss to anyone since they were neither scary nor effective, and terminally lazy to boot. Truxartis comes to his stupid end, the princess and the wizard move into the fabulous city(didn't look that fabulous to me, but since the whole budget for the entire movie seems to have been about five dollars and some bags of peanuts, that's not really surprising), and Deathstalker rides off into the sunset, where we hope he gets a severe sunburn.
The main character is a smug, sleazy idiot with a bad 80's hair-do and an accent that fluctuates more than the stock market did on Black Tuesday. No woman in her right mind would touch him, which explains why his love interest in the film is four barrels short of a load. His enemy is a guy who wears more furs and turbans than Liza, and gasps out his lines like he's trying to act during an asthma attack. Rounding out this cast is a really annoying princess, a stupid wizard who's the lost member of ZZ Top, and a sorceress with a grating voice who tries to roast our hero's nuts(my favorite part of the film, by the way).
The movie starts out in a village(Renn Fest) where Deathstalker is being his usual smug, oily self. He impresses the local yokels by fighting a guy while standing on a log, then goes to a fortune teller/wizard to get his fortune told. I pretty much know what the guy would have told him, that his film career was over and he should take that job at the car dealership, but he never got that far because the bushy bearded wiz was in conference with a princess carrying a giant faux crystal door handle. The wizard was toting one of these hideous kitsch baubles around as well, and apparently when you put them together it is a key that unlocks a fabulous city full of wealth(yeah, right). Some men wearing metal bats on their heads attack, and the wizard disappears by spinning rapidly. He leaves his shoes behind, making you wonder(most horribly), why he didn't leave his clothes behind as well. The princess takes off with our hero, and promptly gets killed before she can slap him to head off his sleazy sexual advances. She gives him the Airwick air freshener, so that he can go find the other one himself. It would cut his body odor wonderfully.
Cut to a later time,where the bad guy Truxartis? is doing his best Broadway musical singer imitation while going on about how he means to find the other stone and use its magical power for his own thing. He brings some guys back from the dead, using the powers of deepest, blackest Hell, so that they could lounge around his castle pretty much doing nothing. There was a waste of magic. Deathstalker, meanwhile, has met the dead princess's twin? sister, who is on her way to marry ol feather and furs Truxartis. He also meets his love interest, a fairly slow and rather strange girl with amazingly big hair and a problem with bathing. Her and he get along well together, not a big surprise.
The movie devolves into a quagmire at this point, with plot points trailing off into nothing one after the other. The dead guys catch up with Deathstalker, but instead of killing him as they should, they pretty much do what they've done throughout the movie-which is nothing. The princess arrives at the castle, dresses in a silly looking faux harem costume, and spends the rest of the movie whining. The sorceress tortures idiot boy, the only detraction from the pleasure of this scene being the fact that he's wearing only the tightest of tights while she does this. Arrgh!
The scrubby bearded wizard shows up again, nobody knows why, is captured and tortured by the femme fatale Truxartis, and is rescued by Deathstalker in a really lame fighting scene. Deathstalker frees the souls of the dead guys by giving them a mason jar, which was no loss to anyone since they were neither scary nor effective, and terminally lazy to boot. Truxartis comes to his stupid end, the princess and the wizard move into the fabulous city(didn't look that fabulous to me, but since the whole budget for the entire movie seems to have been about five dollars and some bags of peanuts, that's not really surprising), and Deathstalker rides off into the sunset, where we hope he gets a severe sunburn.