Review of King Kong

King Kong (2005)
4/10
Bad Interspecies Romance
17 December 2005
Warning: Spoilers
This movie was huge budget with spectacular effects and reasonable acting considering the subject matter. It was limited in subject and I had a hard time taking the giant ape and human girl romance seriously. I'd recommend not wasting your money on this movie unless you're seeing it because you're tired of staring at the shiny thing on the floor or picking your belly button lint.

It had all the same problems that the original movie did, only it was more self-conscious of its faults and tried to take itself more seriously than the original movie did. The seriousness resulted in many moments in which the sap was poured on so thick and earnestly that it dripped off the screen.

I can't figure out why the woman in the movie had the desire to go on the dating circuit with the Kongster. Sure he saved her from Land of the Lost dinosaurs after he decided not to tear her up as he apparently did with the previous victims. Aw, what a nice giant ape monster. He didn't kill her because she had a hot body and is apparently mega-beautiful (as we're patted on the head and told at the end of the movie).

I suspect she really liked him because of "Stockholm Syndrome" in which kidnap victims begin to be sympathetic with their captors. Either that or she just likes really tall . . . er . . . violent and abusive 100 foot tall apes. Next on Jerry Springer, giant apes and the women who love them.

The movie has 3 long and indulgent sections and Peter Jackson's thinking seems to be something like:

Act 1: Isn't the great depression horrible? Lets go on an ocean voyage with some scoundrels and set up the characters in the movie. Oh, those mildly lovable rascals!

Act 2:Lets get our characters stuck on an island with murderous natives who want to kidnap our virgins and crush all our characters' skulls. When the virgin gets kidnapped it would be fun to have a ramble through Jurassic Park and Land of the Lost for a while. Grisly deaths should keep things serious and make people forget how dumb this whole plot really is. We need people to take this really, really seriously. Many deaths will distract people for a while. Oh, and lets be sure that the interspecies date goes well enough to warrant a second date in act 3. We don't want Kong to be elimidated just yet.

Act 3: Don't exploit Kong! If he doesn't get a second date he'll go on a rampage. He has the second date all planned out. First he'll go ice skating and the couple can laugh happily as they fall down in a loving heap on the ice as they slowly fall in deeper and deeper love. Then it's up to the top of the Empire State Building to watch the sun rise over Manhattan. It's the perfect ending to an almost perfect night. But alas, that their interspecies date was so misunderstood by a judgmental society! The military has been called in and has torn their star-crossed love apart. Such a sad ending for the giant ape that was charmed by the beauty and power of love. He just wanted to be loved was that so wrong?
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