Sometimes movies differ from their source material. This I can accept. What I can't accept is a film that manages to get everything wrong about the source while simultaneously being boring and flat-out unentertaining.
You know, the more I think about this film the angrier I get. I'll say it -- this film was pure suck. It takes a special "talent" to turn an epic poem about a tough-as-nails warrior who battles a killer monster into a boring, plodding, PC piece of poop.
In the poem, Grendel was an evil monster, an amoral descendant of Cain, who needs killin', which our hero Beowulf provides. Beowulf rips off Grendel's arm, then goes to his lair and kills his mom for good measure.
In this wretched film, Grendel is a large man in furry boots who hits himself in the head with rocks. He is misunderstood and emo. See, he's angry with the Danes 'cause they killed his dad for being ugly. Therefore he must go on a killing spree amongst the whiny, weak Danes, necessitating Beowulf's arrival.
Did I mention Grendel has a "code of honor" and spares women and children? No? Oh yeah, he also cuts off his OWN arm; rapes a red-dreadlocked witch with an American accent and fathers a child in this film. Huh, I don't recall any of that in the source material. The director even goes the extra mile and shows the tender rape scene. At that point in the film, words failed me.
This film is... nothing. It's not suspenseful, interesting, scary, sexy, thrilling or even amusing. The filmmakers have turned Beowulf into a conflicted, apologetic, non-killer who humps around in a bleak wilderness and does jack-all in a mead (I mean, BEER) hall for the majority of the film. Although he does have sex with that accursed red headed whore/witch named Selma. The downside is that her big love scene with the monster (?) lasted longer and showed more. Go die in a fire, Selma.
Yes folks, they did it. Beowulf is now boring. This is a shoddily directed, poorly acted piece of troll-offal. Unbelievable really. You'd think they could at least get the general plot right. Nope. It's downright pathetic. Gerard Butler goes through the motions and it's a tragic waste of decent acting talent all around. The only (unintentional) humor comes from the grab-basket of accents which abound. We get English, Irish, Scottish, Scandinavian and, offensively, American.
Now would be an appropriate time to mention how much I hated that $*&#ing red-headed witch with the American accent. I hope you catch the plague, witch. You actually made this film worse, if possible.
I gave this two stars instead of one 'cause the costumes were cool and the scenery was decent. Other than that, there is really no reason to waste your time here.
Avoid Beowulf and Grendel like you'd avoid being raped by a troll.
You know, the more I think about this film the angrier I get. I'll say it -- this film was pure suck. It takes a special "talent" to turn an epic poem about a tough-as-nails warrior who battles a killer monster into a boring, plodding, PC piece of poop.
In the poem, Grendel was an evil monster, an amoral descendant of Cain, who needs killin', which our hero Beowulf provides. Beowulf rips off Grendel's arm, then goes to his lair and kills his mom for good measure.
In this wretched film, Grendel is a large man in furry boots who hits himself in the head with rocks. He is misunderstood and emo. See, he's angry with the Danes 'cause they killed his dad for being ugly. Therefore he must go on a killing spree amongst the whiny, weak Danes, necessitating Beowulf's arrival.
Did I mention Grendel has a "code of honor" and spares women and children? No? Oh yeah, he also cuts off his OWN arm; rapes a red-dreadlocked witch with an American accent and fathers a child in this film. Huh, I don't recall any of that in the source material. The director even goes the extra mile and shows the tender rape scene. At that point in the film, words failed me.
This film is... nothing. It's not suspenseful, interesting, scary, sexy, thrilling or even amusing. The filmmakers have turned Beowulf into a conflicted, apologetic, non-killer who humps around in a bleak wilderness and does jack-all in a mead (I mean, BEER) hall for the majority of the film. Although he does have sex with that accursed red headed whore/witch named Selma. The downside is that her big love scene with the monster (?) lasted longer and showed more. Go die in a fire, Selma.
Yes folks, they did it. Beowulf is now boring. This is a shoddily directed, poorly acted piece of troll-offal. Unbelievable really. You'd think they could at least get the general plot right. Nope. It's downright pathetic. Gerard Butler goes through the motions and it's a tragic waste of decent acting talent all around. The only (unintentional) humor comes from the grab-basket of accents which abound. We get English, Irish, Scottish, Scandinavian and, offensively, American.
Now would be an appropriate time to mention how much I hated that $*&#ing red-headed witch with the American accent. I hope you catch the plague, witch. You actually made this film worse, if possible.
I gave this two stars instead of one 'cause the costumes were cool and the scenery was decent. Other than that, there is really no reason to waste your time here.
Avoid Beowulf and Grendel like you'd avoid being raped by a troll.