This movie doesn't even have enough laughs to be in a worst film festival. The plot, as near as I could make out, was an innocent man wrongly accused of being a super assassin so clever she thinks she can coerce a man into doing something that would require a spoiler to tell you how stupid it would be. The assassin has killed all the witnesses against some important rich guy on trial, except for one. She tries to make this guy kill the last witness for her. There's too much that is worse about this movie to go into the flaws of the plot. First, the movie is car chase after chase. Bond movies got away with car chases because there were plenty of cutaways, and the chases weren't overdrawn. Some movies, like Road Warrior, gave us open top vehicles with wild costumed people inside, and intriguing backgrounds, such as the desert. The reality is car chases are boring, because motor vehicles are boring, except to red necks, dorks, (and yokels who've never seen a car I suppose). And nothing is more boring than watching cars driving (speeding, wrecking, who cares) down boring city streets. Then there are some characters whose English cannot possibly be understood (the blonde girl enunciates so bad, she probably utters two words that a viewer can interpret). Just go ahead and put subtitles on instead of let them speak gibberish! And every stereotype scene you can imagine is in here. The actresses are so bad, they make the lame actors look like de Niros in comparison. It is truly impossible to watch this film without fast forwarding most of it, particularly the dull car chases that seem to take eons. When you see the last witness finally led on screen, and you're hoping that this stereotype isn't there, be prepared; it is, and I dare you not to groan. The film tries to work on a juvenile level, but fails even there. Someone could make a poll, what is worse in this movie, the writing, acting, or directing? I propose that we make captured terrorists watch this film until they crack. I don't care if it's inhumane beyond all reason. It would put this celluloid to good use.
Review of Final Contract: Death on Delivery
