So many things to learn from a 21st-century Luc Besson action film...
1. If you're fighting a drug cartel, don't ask for aid from the FBI or CIA, because quite frankly the only ones they are ever interested in apprehending are the wrong people.
2. The FBI have never solved a case on their own.
3. High-up government officials are all morons.
4. High-up gov't officials (like Modine) - which are all morons - will not be able to deduce that Statham is not a kidnapper based on the very simple and obvious fact that he brought Modine's son to the gates of the former's villa.
5. FBI personnel will also fail to add 2 and 2, hence not understand the simple fact that a kidnapper would not drive the intended victim all the way to the villa from which he should logically be trying to distance himself - if he really were a conspirator in the kidnapping.
6. The FBI recruits its personnel based on the "we need low IQs" policy.
7. The U.S. government hires people based on the "we need totally clueless, overly emotional in moments of pressure, morons (like Modine)" policy.
8. French directors who cast bad actress-model bimbos in historical spectacles as Joan Of Arc are incapable of rational thought.
9. If your fugitive suspect informs you of his own free will where the kidnappers are carrying the kidnapped person, choose not to trust them.
10. If you are a skinny, ugly 6-foot-3 fashion model, Besson will cast you as a totally unconvincing mob assassin.
11. Having ultra-skinny arms that have neither muscle nor fat tissue will not prevent you from holding heavy guns and then shooting them without missing. Even without looking at the target.
12. Being ultra-skinny and weak from not eating anything for days does not hinder your average fashion model from being the world's most dangerous killer.
13. The FBI and the U.S. police use helicopters that are always greased with oil so that when skinny fashion models shoot at them from a distance they can immediately blow them up.
14. The best way to fight anti-drug gov't officials is to introduce a virus into the world, which will then kill them all. The fact that these people will merely be replaced by new anti-drug gov't officials does not interest you nor does it maybe even occur to you.
15. If you're a Colombian drug dealer, throw a virus into a conference room full of your enemies, then watch as the virus spreads all over the world, killing all your potential customers - and then maybe even your friends and relatives.
16. Colombian drug-cartel bosses are even bigger morons than the FBI.
17. When the FBI apprehends a French police inspector, they let him sleep on a couch right next to dozens of computers with access to top-secret crime data.
18. If you are a super-hero who wants to save the world and are carrying an antidote that might save it, do NOT go to the appropriate authorities, that way speeding up both the investigation and the search for the criminals. Do everything on your own, as much as that might slow you down or cause further complications.
19. When an airplane hits a body of water at full speed, it will not break into tiny bits. Water, as any idiot knows, is too soft to break much of anything. After all, if it really were hard we wouldn't be able to drink it!
20. When an airplane sinks toward the ocean floor at a rapid speed, the deadly increase in pressure does not in any way affect super-heroes and super-villains.
21. All action-movie fashion-model bimbos have flat chests. A lack of an intake of foody substances ensures that no fatty tissues are built up in that area.
22. Casting very English-looking actors as Russian mobsters is a great idea.
23. When you aim a gun at someone who is also aiming a gun at you, neither of you shoot, but instead stare at each other. Why? I have absolutely no idea...
TT2 is strictly for morons.
1. If you're fighting a drug cartel, don't ask for aid from the FBI or CIA, because quite frankly the only ones they are ever interested in apprehending are the wrong people.
2. The FBI have never solved a case on their own.
3. High-up government officials are all morons.
4. High-up gov't officials (like Modine) - which are all morons - will not be able to deduce that Statham is not a kidnapper based on the very simple and obvious fact that he brought Modine's son to the gates of the former's villa.
5. FBI personnel will also fail to add 2 and 2, hence not understand the simple fact that a kidnapper would not drive the intended victim all the way to the villa from which he should logically be trying to distance himself - if he really were a conspirator in the kidnapping.
6. The FBI recruits its personnel based on the "we need low IQs" policy.
7. The U.S. government hires people based on the "we need totally clueless, overly emotional in moments of pressure, morons (like Modine)" policy.
8. French directors who cast bad actress-model bimbos in historical spectacles as Joan Of Arc are incapable of rational thought.
9. If your fugitive suspect informs you of his own free will where the kidnappers are carrying the kidnapped person, choose not to trust them.
10. If you are a skinny, ugly 6-foot-3 fashion model, Besson will cast you as a totally unconvincing mob assassin.
11. Having ultra-skinny arms that have neither muscle nor fat tissue will not prevent you from holding heavy guns and then shooting them without missing. Even without looking at the target.
12. Being ultra-skinny and weak from not eating anything for days does not hinder your average fashion model from being the world's most dangerous killer.
13. The FBI and the U.S. police use helicopters that are always greased with oil so that when skinny fashion models shoot at them from a distance they can immediately blow them up.
14. The best way to fight anti-drug gov't officials is to introduce a virus into the world, which will then kill them all. The fact that these people will merely be replaced by new anti-drug gov't officials does not interest you nor does it maybe even occur to you.
15. If you're a Colombian drug dealer, throw a virus into a conference room full of your enemies, then watch as the virus spreads all over the world, killing all your potential customers - and then maybe even your friends and relatives.
16. Colombian drug-cartel bosses are even bigger morons than the FBI.
17. When the FBI apprehends a French police inspector, they let him sleep on a couch right next to dozens of computers with access to top-secret crime data.
18. If you are a super-hero who wants to save the world and are carrying an antidote that might save it, do NOT go to the appropriate authorities, that way speeding up both the investigation and the search for the criminals. Do everything on your own, as much as that might slow you down or cause further complications.
19. When an airplane hits a body of water at full speed, it will not break into tiny bits. Water, as any idiot knows, is too soft to break much of anything. After all, if it really were hard we wouldn't be able to drink it!
20. When an airplane sinks toward the ocean floor at a rapid speed, the deadly increase in pressure does not in any way affect super-heroes and super-villains.
21. All action-movie fashion-model bimbos have flat chests. A lack of an intake of foody substances ensures that no fatty tissues are built up in that area.
22. Casting very English-looking actors as Russian mobsters is a great idea.
23. When you aim a gun at someone who is also aiming a gun at you, neither of you shoot, but instead stare at each other. Why? I have absolutely no idea...
TT2 is strictly for morons.