Held Up is one of the worst movies I've ever seen. After watching it, I've decided that Jamie Fox needs to return the Oscar he won. This movie is so bad, it erases everything good he's ever done.
It is not at all funny. Jamie Fox goes to buy a car in Arizona with his fiancée and calls it their "vacation". And if that didn't get her mad, imagine how mad she got when she realized he paid $18,000 for it instead of the $5,000 he said it cost! Apparently he though she was a moron who would never figure out all their house money was used. So she leaves. Hilarity ensues as he tells her he doesn't need her anyway, then chases after the cowboy-filled pickup truck she's getting a lift in to tell her to come back! You'll catch your breath from all the laughing right around the time he gets some hilarious advice from a gas station hillbilly about how to treat a woman by buying her flowers for no reason, etc. He'd go after her and catch her at the airport but - get ready to laugh some more - he locked his keys in his car! HAHAHAHA! Then he pays some kid to get it unlocked, but when the kid unlocks it... he STEALS it! HAHAHAHAHHA! He calls the police but they're all at the small town little league game (did I mention the part where Jamie Fox's fiancée has bad diarrhea so he takes her to a porta-john, and his car alarm goes off, RUINING the home town's chances to score with bases loaded? No? Well it was hilarious too!) Anyway, he's stuck there, and before the only deputy on duty (Jake Busey in no doubt the proudest acting role he's ever been given $100 to perform) can show up, boneheaded Mexican criminals rob the place! It's SO funny because the one guy is saying "don't use our names" but the OTHER guy keeps saying their names! He's so stupid, it's hilarious! Did I mention the Sip and Zip/Gas Station guy has no quarters? Man, what kind of gas station has no change? Luckily the stupid hip-hop-wannabe country kid who hangs out in the gas station playing Atari Joust has lots of quarters and thinks Jamie Fox is his hero, Puff Daddy, because stupid rednecks like him can't tell black people apart! HAHA! That's so crazy! And there's two people from Northern Exposure in the show, but that's not so funny.
When Deputy Jake Busey shows up to fill out the stolen car report, the poop hits the fan and a hilarious stand-off ensues. Jamie Fox is so scared he yells funny things and puts his legs up on the store's door handles for some reason! That was really funny. A lady banged her shoe on the counter and he thought it was a gun so he grabs the kid and screams "Not you you're too young, are you bleeding?" That was really funny because he looked like a panicky fool, and everybody else knew that nobody was shooting a gun.
Did I mention something to do with a mysterious crate the criminals were after? Yeah, that would be the "plot" I guess, but it was pretty pointless, and not quite as HILARIOUS as the rest of the movie (oh hey something else, his new car's radio? It's an old fashioned 8-TRACK PLAYER! LOLOLOL ROFL OMG!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAH!! That's hilarious!) Then he goes to the airport and they get back together, I think, not sure though, couldn't watch any more of it because I have knives in my kitchen and would have had to kill myself.
Oh except for the scene where Jamie Fox gets a cut on his cheek, then starts to cry like a woman! That was SOOOOO FUNNY! Because he keeps trying to act like this tough guy, but then he's crying and screaming! HAHAHHAAH! Oh man! HAHHAHAHAHHAH!!!!!
Oh and the part where the police report on the news that Jamie Fox is actually boxing celebrity Mike Tyson, because they are also rednecks who can't tell black people apart! HAHAHHAHAH!!!! I could go on and on and on and on and on with all the hilarious and original jokes they had in this movie that would just make you laugh out loud and roll on the floor, holding your stomach. You should know that if you watch this movie your stomach will hurt for weeks because of all of the laughing you will definitely do.
Like the part where they try to cut the power in the station, but actually they cut the power to everyone else in town first. Can't these crazy rednecks do anything right? HAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Anyway, avoid this movie, it sucks poop.
It is not at all funny. Jamie Fox goes to buy a car in Arizona with his fiancée and calls it their "vacation". And if that didn't get her mad, imagine how mad she got when she realized he paid $18,000 for it instead of the $5,000 he said it cost! Apparently he though she was a moron who would never figure out all their house money was used. So she leaves. Hilarity ensues as he tells her he doesn't need her anyway, then chases after the cowboy-filled pickup truck she's getting a lift in to tell her to come back! You'll catch your breath from all the laughing right around the time he gets some hilarious advice from a gas station hillbilly about how to treat a woman by buying her flowers for no reason, etc. He'd go after her and catch her at the airport but - get ready to laugh some more - he locked his keys in his car! HAHAHAHA! Then he pays some kid to get it unlocked, but when the kid unlocks it... he STEALS it! HAHAHAHAHHA! He calls the police but they're all at the small town little league game (did I mention the part where Jamie Fox's fiancée has bad diarrhea so he takes her to a porta-john, and his car alarm goes off, RUINING the home town's chances to score with bases loaded? No? Well it was hilarious too!) Anyway, he's stuck there, and before the only deputy on duty (Jake Busey in no doubt the proudest acting role he's ever been given $100 to perform) can show up, boneheaded Mexican criminals rob the place! It's SO funny because the one guy is saying "don't use our names" but the OTHER guy keeps saying their names! He's so stupid, it's hilarious! Did I mention the Sip and Zip/Gas Station guy has no quarters? Man, what kind of gas station has no change? Luckily the stupid hip-hop-wannabe country kid who hangs out in the gas station playing Atari Joust has lots of quarters and thinks Jamie Fox is his hero, Puff Daddy, because stupid rednecks like him can't tell black people apart! HAHA! That's so crazy! And there's two people from Northern Exposure in the show, but that's not so funny.
When Deputy Jake Busey shows up to fill out the stolen car report, the poop hits the fan and a hilarious stand-off ensues. Jamie Fox is so scared he yells funny things and puts his legs up on the store's door handles for some reason! That was really funny. A lady banged her shoe on the counter and he thought it was a gun so he grabs the kid and screams "Not you you're too young, are you bleeding?" That was really funny because he looked like a panicky fool, and everybody else knew that nobody was shooting a gun.
Did I mention something to do with a mysterious crate the criminals were after? Yeah, that would be the "plot" I guess, but it was pretty pointless, and not quite as HILARIOUS as the rest of the movie (oh hey something else, his new car's radio? It's an old fashioned 8-TRACK PLAYER! LOLOLOL ROFL OMG!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAH!! That's hilarious!) Then he goes to the airport and they get back together, I think, not sure though, couldn't watch any more of it because I have knives in my kitchen and would have had to kill myself.
Oh except for the scene where Jamie Fox gets a cut on his cheek, then starts to cry like a woman! That was SOOOOO FUNNY! Because he keeps trying to act like this tough guy, but then he's crying and screaming! HAHAHHAAH! Oh man! HAHHAHAHAHHAH!!!!!
Oh and the part where the police report on the news that Jamie Fox is actually boxing celebrity Mike Tyson, because they are also rednecks who can't tell black people apart! HAHAHHAHAH!!!! I could go on and on and on and on and on with all the hilarious and original jokes they had in this movie that would just make you laugh out loud and roll on the floor, holding your stomach. You should know that if you watch this movie your stomach will hurt for weeks because of all of the laughing you will definitely do.
Like the part where they try to cut the power in the station, but actually they cut the power to everyone else in town first. Can't these crazy rednecks do anything right? HAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Anyway, avoid this movie, it sucks poop.