Here's a novel idea: a movie about a closeted gay Irish-Catholic whose sexual preference is really secondary to his general personality as a sloppy, stupid grown man who acts like a child. With three brothers (one a priest) and a sister, Pete Jones' Bobby Riley finds he has to use a lesbian as a beard and make lots of small talk about women around his siblings (except for sis, who knows the truth). Thirty minutes into the movie, Bobby is up on a neighbor's roof ogling the female resident as she spreads lotion on her legs, while his voice-over informs us he was a voyeur long before a homosexual. So what was writer-director Jones before he was a pseudo-filmmaker? Offensive to just about everyone (gays, lesbians, Irish-Catholics, priests, women in general), this low-budget effort is filled with innuendo-crazed dialogue and a sniggering familial unit by way of a TV sitcom ('funny' scene example: Riley, after sneaking into his priest-brother's confessional booth, pretends to be a little boy who spies on his grandma in the shower). This is just the thing is kill off cinema (not just Queer Cinema, but ANY cinema) forever. Pure drivel. NO STARS from ****
Review of If Dad Only Knew
