Review of Global Metal

Global Metal (2008)
Tom Araya as Saddam Hussein.
4 November 2008
A distinct improvement over "A Headbanger's Journey", which was merely an introduction for the uninitiated. GM is the perfect film to show to those spoiled, whiny, left-wing metal fans in the West how much they take for granted i.e. how good they have it in their "evil, corrupt democracies". (Like all egotistical, self-absorbed, pasty-faced princesses, Leftists think that the world owes them perfection...) Perhaps useless-yet-political bands like System Of A Down and Green Day could write some songs about the political situation in countries like Iran, Indonesia, or India for a change, instead of bitching like little girls about how supposedly hard it is to live under the "fascist" George Bush. Uninformed, arrogant, populist little PC-ists...

That metal musicians all over the world, and not just in the States, are quite dumb - and I mean DUMB (pity I can't type this word any larger) - is proved in form of Indonesia's Tenakorak: an anti-Western, anti-Semitic group. Here's a bunch of losers whose own government oppresses them in their right to listen to their music, and yet they find the energy, the time, and the interest to take up beef with the very distant and oh-so evil America. I quote the self-contradicting singer: "Zionism must be destroyed... It's not the Jewish people we're against... we want Israel eliminated from the map." Meanwhile, this funny-looking metalhead wears a crossed-out swastika on the sleeve of his clownish heavy metal leather jacket. This guy should work as a clown in McDonalds.

Japan, although over-saturated with metal tours for decades now, still has a vivacious, fanatical scene, and a fascinating one, too. I think Dunn should make an entire documentary just about the Nipponese scene. There's a hilarious, cute moment when two Japanese girls show the devil-sign and then run away from the cameras giggling. Priceless. Priceless also was getting the latest update on the whereabouts of Marty Friedman. This guy has quite clearly lost his mind. Not because he decided to live in Japan (I would, too, given half a chance), but because he is genuinely excited over the local glam crap such as X-Japan. He even describes their make-up as "beautiful". Could it be that he's in love with the members of the band?... "They play a Barry Manilow-like ballad, and then go straight to an epic metal song! How do they do this??" It's called "being cheesy", Marty...

As for Brazil, Sepultura's Max has a few things to say: "We shouldn't have to copy the States. We should have our own identity." Yes, Max, how very nice of you to realize this AFTER THE FACT. Sepultura made their world-wide breakthrough by ripping off Slayer, Testament, Exodus and just about every other major thrash band on their earlier albums, but then, almost a decade later does Max suddenly decide to create a "new, more Brazilian" image/sound for his band. What, sticking a couple of Amazon Indians into a video while playing low-key nu-metal riffs? Is that supposed to make you sound Brazilian? Ironically, their best phase was when they were ripping off American bands... Anyone who has heard true tribal Brazilian music will know how laughably deluded Max and co. must have been to promote "Roots" as some kind of an Indian tribute album.

Speaking of Indians, one of the highlights of GM was watching 30,000 Indian fans experience their first major metal concert. Sure, one can do much better than watch those old fogies Iron Maiden, but it's a start. The story behind the evolution of China's underground metal scene and its subsequent struggles provided further highlights.

Also very interesting was the Israeli segment, particularly their stance towards Slayer's "Angel Of Death" song. Tom Araya, almost as if wanting to be funny, appears in GM looking like Saddam Hussein of the bunker days. As for the song itself, Slayer have gone on record many times saying that they "neither put down nor glorify" Mengele in AOD. In other words, Slayer are morons. I've always said that it's best to ignore the mostly cretinous metal lyrics and just enjoy the music.

I have to applaud Dunn for having the cheek to ask Lars Ulrich the internet question. The greedy dwarf didn't seem too convincing in giving his support for Third World countries downloading Metallica's music for free. This guy would take the last dime out of the pocket of a desperate Iranian metal fan. Watch his face closely as he answers the question. He is: a) angry that Dunn posed it, b) still riled over the beating he took from the media over the Napster fiasco, and c) quite clearly still holds a grudge toward anyone who dares rob Metallica of an extra few bucks.

Speaking of "rob", I'd much rather have seen Rob Trujillo in GM than Lars - who simply has to appear in every single metal documentary, as if he were some kind of metal world's answer to Ron Jeremy. "Hi, I've got a few things to say – yet again! Please pay attention to me!" I thought Dunn's "we're all one global tribe" line was a bit hokey.

My music-related rants and ravings: http://rateyourmusic.com/~Fedor8. Read 'em and weep, ya whiny little gits...
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