Review of Bride Wars

Bride Wars (2009)
4/10
Let's get married... yeah, right
11 March 2009
Martin Scorsese once famously said he does one movie for the studio and one for himself, and so do many other directors or actors (George Clooney admits he did Ocean's Thirteen because that way he could do Michael Clayton next). Although Anne Hathaway hasn't explicitly said she does that, one can assume it's the only rational explanation for a piece of anti-cinematic trash like Bride Wars. Shooting The Devil Wears Prada after Brokeback Mountain is one thing, tainting your Oscar-nominated legacy with this bunch of nonsense is another.

And yet it sounded like it could be a lot of fun, at least judging by the premise, which reverses the classic wedding stereotype: women are in it for the romance, guys are game because it's fun (that's what they make it look like in American comedies, anyway). This time around, the dudes are in it for the love, and the girls want to get married just to make a childhood dream come true. Apparently, if you're a woman and live in Manhattan, the ultimate dream of your life is to get married at the Plaza in June, so when best friends Liv (Kate Hudson with a Paris Hilton/Britney Spears haircut) and Emma (Hathaway) get asked the fundamental question by their beaus, they immediately try to book the right place and date. A mix-up occurs, and so they're both stuck with the same date, June 6th. Neither wants to postpone what's supposed to be the happiest day of their lives, therefore a full-on war is declared on both parts.

At this point, the real silliness kicks in: diet sabotage, tans gone awry and the occasional witty remark, like "Your wedding's gonna be huge, just like your ass at prom". What started as a potentially entertaining critique of materialism and shallowness is revealed to be a poorly executed farce, with a succession of lame jokes instead of a plot (then again, one of the screenwriters is best known for performing on Saturday Night Live, where the skits have no connection whatsoever, so that may be an explanation) and two atrocious caricatures instead of leading ladies.

In fairness, no one ever expected any true brilliance from Hudson, given the last really good movie she appeared in was Cameron Crowe's Almost Famous in 2000, but surely someone could have told Hathaway you just don't choose something this bland after working with Jonathan Demme (or Ang Lee, for that matter). Maybe she wanted to return to her comedic roots, but sadly there's nothing even remotely funny in Bride Wars, save for a few brief scenes featuring the reliable Candice Bergen. Everything else is just like Liv and Emma: obsessed with getting everything right, but ultimately too self-centered to get any sympathy from others.
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