"Scarface" director Brian de Palma's "Wise Guys" should have been called "Stupid Fellas." This uninspired Danny DeVito & Joe Piscopo Mafia comedy doesn't contain shred of humor. Suffice to say, DeVito and Piscopo are no Laurel and Hardy and de Palma doesn't have a funny bone in his body. Scenarist George Gallo wrote this turkey before he penned the classic "Midnight Run" and he concocted this crap with "Johnny Dangerous" scribe Norman Steinberg. "Wise Guys" qualifies as one of the worst mob comedies. Heavy handed with idiotic "Three Stooges" heroes who elicit no sympathy, this crime comedy is a flat line disaster from fade-in to fade-out. The Gallo & Steinberg jokes will make you cringe instead of grin and DeVito and Piscopo have no chemistry.
Harry Valentini (Danny DeVito of "Batman Returns") and Moe Dickestein (Joe Piscopo of "Dead Heat") serve as a couple of errand boys for heavyweight crimeboss Anthony Castelo (Dan Hedaya of "Freeway") who has been pick-up and deliver his laundry and groceries. When we first see them in action, Harry has to crank up Castelo's car so that if any of his enemies has wired dynamite to the starter or the door, Harry will be blown to smithereens. A delayed timer saves Harry's life, but this scene is the only one where de Palma conjures up in suspense as everybody makes bets that Harry will never survive. Castelo surrounds himself with equally heavyweight thugs and they are literally a who's who of Mafia crime movies. The only one who amounts to a character is Frank the Fixer (Lou Albano of "Stay Tuned") whose enormous appetite is exceeded only for his hate for Harry and Moe. He shows nonstop contempt for Moe and calls him 'dickmeat.' He takes our disastrous duo out to the race track to place a bet for Mr. Castelo on a horse. Since Moe always loses Castelo's money, Harry comes up with a surefire scheme to make them heroes in Castelo's universe. Instead, Harry and Moe don't bet on the right horse and lose. Now, they owe Castelo a whopping quarter of a million dollars.
Castelo has his henchmen separate and question Harry and Moe under the worse circumstances and neither of our protagonists sells each other out. Castelo cannot believe their loyalty to each other and decides to test it by letting them live if they will kill each other. Of course, our heroes have no idea that they are gong to shoot each other. Castelo's bartender Marco (Ray Sharkey) dons a disguise and tries to warn them. They plunge into a church where Marco tries to tell them that they have been assigned to kill each other, but the Fixer shoots him. Here's an example of the lame-brained comedy in "Wise Guys." To make themselves appear inconspicuous to everybody else in the church, Marco demands that they behave exactly like him, so when he takes a bullet in the back, they imitate his dying actions. Hah! Hah! Hah! Eventually, Harry spots the Fixer with a smoking revolver in his fist and they flee, stealing Fixer's Cadillac.
First, Harry and Moe phone up their relatives and warn them about the impending trouble so that they can get out of town alive. Second, Harry fakes a phone call to his Uncle Mike in Atlantic City because he believes that Uncle Mike-a connected mobster-can bail them out of their predicament. They repaint Fixer's caddy pink and wreck it considerably on the way to a luxurious motel in Atlantic City where they settle into the most expensive suite using Fixer's credit card and proceed to wine and dine themselves in preparation for visiting Uncle Mike. They run into an old friend, Bobby DiLea (Harvey Keitel of "Reservoir Dogs") who owns the motel and Harry promises to tell him everything. DiLea already has a glimmer of an idea because he has learned that they are charging everything on Fixer's credit card. Later, the scene shifts back to Newark in a restaurant when Fixer watches in rage as the waiter cuts up his credit card because his credit has been overextended. Not long afterward, Castelo calls in his henchmen and dispatches them to Atlantic City to complete the job that they previously bungled. Predictably, Mike is no longer alive and our heroes find themselves deeper in doo-doo. Moe leaves Harry, but Harry's grandmother gives him the quarter million that they need to pay off Castelo.
Brian de Palma shoots "Wise Guys" without any of his swirling characteristic camera work. He sticks with straight cuts and plain-Jane camera work. The humor is labored and the wrap-all-the-ends-up conclusion is the best thing about his movie. The only surprise is the one that DiLea pulls on Castelo's men as well as us because we think that he is a rat, too. Only die-hard de Palma fans will like this if they can handle the half-witted humor.
Harry Valentini (Danny DeVito of "Batman Returns") and Moe Dickestein (Joe Piscopo of "Dead Heat") serve as a couple of errand boys for heavyweight crimeboss Anthony Castelo (Dan Hedaya of "Freeway") who has been pick-up and deliver his laundry and groceries. When we first see them in action, Harry has to crank up Castelo's car so that if any of his enemies has wired dynamite to the starter or the door, Harry will be blown to smithereens. A delayed timer saves Harry's life, but this scene is the only one where de Palma conjures up in suspense as everybody makes bets that Harry will never survive. Castelo surrounds himself with equally heavyweight thugs and they are literally a who's who of Mafia crime movies. The only one who amounts to a character is Frank the Fixer (Lou Albano of "Stay Tuned") whose enormous appetite is exceeded only for his hate for Harry and Moe. He shows nonstop contempt for Moe and calls him 'dickmeat.' He takes our disastrous duo out to the race track to place a bet for Mr. Castelo on a horse. Since Moe always loses Castelo's money, Harry comes up with a surefire scheme to make them heroes in Castelo's universe. Instead, Harry and Moe don't bet on the right horse and lose. Now, they owe Castelo a whopping quarter of a million dollars.
Castelo has his henchmen separate and question Harry and Moe under the worse circumstances and neither of our protagonists sells each other out. Castelo cannot believe their loyalty to each other and decides to test it by letting them live if they will kill each other. Of course, our heroes have no idea that they are gong to shoot each other. Castelo's bartender Marco (Ray Sharkey) dons a disguise and tries to warn them. They plunge into a church where Marco tries to tell them that they have been assigned to kill each other, but the Fixer shoots him. Here's an example of the lame-brained comedy in "Wise Guys." To make themselves appear inconspicuous to everybody else in the church, Marco demands that they behave exactly like him, so when he takes a bullet in the back, they imitate his dying actions. Hah! Hah! Hah! Eventually, Harry spots the Fixer with a smoking revolver in his fist and they flee, stealing Fixer's Cadillac.
First, Harry and Moe phone up their relatives and warn them about the impending trouble so that they can get out of town alive. Second, Harry fakes a phone call to his Uncle Mike in Atlantic City because he believes that Uncle Mike-a connected mobster-can bail them out of their predicament. They repaint Fixer's caddy pink and wreck it considerably on the way to a luxurious motel in Atlantic City where they settle into the most expensive suite using Fixer's credit card and proceed to wine and dine themselves in preparation for visiting Uncle Mike. They run into an old friend, Bobby DiLea (Harvey Keitel of "Reservoir Dogs") who owns the motel and Harry promises to tell him everything. DiLea already has a glimmer of an idea because he has learned that they are charging everything on Fixer's credit card. Later, the scene shifts back to Newark in a restaurant when Fixer watches in rage as the waiter cuts up his credit card because his credit has been overextended. Not long afterward, Castelo calls in his henchmen and dispatches them to Atlantic City to complete the job that they previously bungled. Predictably, Mike is no longer alive and our heroes find themselves deeper in doo-doo. Moe leaves Harry, but Harry's grandmother gives him the quarter million that they need to pay off Castelo.
Brian de Palma shoots "Wise Guys" without any of his swirling characteristic camera work. He sticks with straight cuts and plain-Jane camera work. The humor is labored and the wrap-all-the-ends-up conclusion is the best thing about his movie. The only surprise is the one that DiLea pulls on Castelo's men as well as us because we think that he is a rat, too. Only die-hard de Palma fans will like this if they can handle the half-witted humor.