Undoubtedly, any serious fan of campy 80's splatter has sifted through an excessive assortment of bottom of the barrel dreck looking for forgotten masterpieces. I've seen at least a few hundred from the era myself, but try as I might, I can't think of one less enjoyable than this wretched and useless pile of offal.
It's to be expected that, since this is an awful movie about a film crew making an awful movie, coherence could potentially be an issue. But Return To Horror High doesn't even seem interested in making sense, and the way the film jumps around from the aftermath of the murders to the the time-line of the killings to scenes from the movie-within-the-movie, at times it seems like the film-makers (who made this film, not the film-makers we see making the film in this film) are almost daring you to keep up with what's going on. One sequence even shifts into a dream in which one of the actresses (in this film AND the film inside the film) imagines her demise during a take. Yes, friends, this is a scene in a film that turns out to be dream about a scene in a film within a film. Obviously, linear plot structure isn't on the menu here. Granted, this isn't necessarily a requirement for an enjoyable B horror flick (or an enjoyable B horror flick within a B horror flick, for that matter... okay, I'll stop now), but if the only reason this film exists is to present a series of creative deaths, it would definitely help matters if we could make sense of who's getting killed and why.
It's clear that there is a big emphasis on comedy here, but with only a couple of chuckle-worthy lines and exactly ONE humorous sight gag, Return To Horror High is the rare film that fails miserably at both genres it tackles. It's probably good that the film doesn't take itself too seriously, but since a lot of the gore is played for unattained yuks, the frequent murders lose any semblance of impact and ultimately become as annoying as the rest of the scenes in this train-wreck.
Though he's billed first on the DVD cover and second in the IMDb listing, young George Clooney only appears in the film for roughly five minutes. In fact, his character in the movie walks off the set during filming because he's offered a better role elsewhere, and one gets the sense that this is exactly what happened to cause Clooney's abbreviated presence, since he doesn't even turn up during the finale, when every other victim slain along the way makes a re-appearance. At least those who are tuning in merely to catch a comical glimpse of pre-fame Clooney get off pretty easy, since they can turn this miserable waste of time off 10 minutes in and save themselves the agony of enduring the 80 additional minutes that follow.
Another noteworthy bit of casting is the presence of Maureen "Marsha Brady" McCormick, who has a lot less to be embarrassed about than the rest of the cast. McCormick actually drums up a few funny scenes, and she is by far the best thing in the film. I realize that's tantamount to being the best quadriplegic swimmer of all time, but work with me here... I'm trying to find at least one nice thing to say about this movie.
Of course, in a film this convoluted, it isn't too surprising that there's a twist ending within the twist ending, the second part of which is about as wholly ridiculous and insulting to the audience as any ending I can think of in cinematic history. The film-makers even have the gall to set things up for a sequel (Return To Return To Horror High?), but we can breathe a collective sigh of relief that no one was clamoring for a franchise, thus we were spared the indignity of having to sit through a second installment.
I love bad movies, but this one is simply unbearable. I already sat through it, but I implore anyone who reads this to avoid making the dreadful mistake I did (even worse, I BOUGHT this damn thing!). Anchor Bay is usually a reliable source for forgotten classics, but wasting the time and effort required to give this film a digital remaster is a rare misstep in the company's stellar track record.
This is as bad as they come. Please let any lingering curiosity you have about this film end with this review.
It's to be expected that, since this is an awful movie about a film crew making an awful movie, coherence could potentially be an issue. But Return To Horror High doesn't even seem interested in making sense, and the way the film jumps around from the aftermath of the murders to the the time-line of the killings to scenes from the movie-within-the-movie, at times it seems like the film-makers (who made this film, not the film-makers we see making the film in this film) are almost daring you to keep up with what's going on. One sequence even shifts into a dream in which one of the actresses (in this film AND the film inside the film) imagines her demise during a take. Yes, friends, this is a scene in a film that turns out to be dream about a scene in a film within a film. Obviously, linear plot structure isn't on the menu here. Granted, this isn't necessarily a requirement for an enjoyable B horror flick (or an enjoyable B horror flick within a B horror flick, for that matter... okay, I'll stop now), but if the only reason this film exists is to present a series of creative deaths, it would definitely help matters if we could make sense of who's getting killed and why.
It's clear that there is a big emphasis on comedy here, but with only a couple of chuckle-worthy lines and exactly ONE humorous sight gag, Return To Horror High is the rare film that fails miserably at both genres it tackles. It's probably good that the film doesn't take itself too seriously, but since a lot of the gore is played for unattained yuks, the frequent murders lose any semblance of impact and ultimately become as annoying as the rest of the scenes in this train-wreck.
Though he's billed first on the DVD cover and second in the IMDb listing, young George Clooney only appears in the film for roughly five minutes. In fact, his character in the movie walks off the set during filming because he's offered a better role elsewhere, and one gets the sense that this is exactly what happened to cause Clooney's abbreviated presence, since he doesn't even turn up during the finale, when every other victim slain along the way makes a re-appearance. At least those who are tuning in merely to catch a comical glimpse of pre-fame Clooney get off pretty easy, since they can turn this miserable waste of time off 10 minutes in and save themselves the agony of enduring the 80 additional minutes that follow.
Another noteworthy bit of casting is the presence of Maureen "Marsha Brady" McCormick, who has a lot less to be embarrassed about than the rest of the cast. McCormick actually drums up a few funny scenes, and she is by far the best thing in the film. I realize that's tantamount to being the best quadriplegic swimmer of all time, but work with me here... I'm trying to find at least one nice thing to say about this movie.
Of course, in a film this convoluted, it isn't too surprising that there's a twist ending within the twist ending, the second part of which is about as wholly ridiculous and insulting to the audience as any ending I can think of in cinematic history. The film-makers even have the gall to set things up for a sequel (Return To Return To Horror High?), but we can breathe a collective sigh of relief that no one was clamoring for a franchise, thus we were spared the indignity of having to sit through a second installment.
I love bad movies, but this one is simply unbearable. I already sat through it, but I implore anyone who reads this to avoid making the dreadful mistake I did (even worse, I BOUGHT this damn thing!). Anchor Bay is usually a reliable source for forgotten classics, but wasting the time and effort required to give this film a digital remaster is a rare misstep in the company's stellar track record.
This is as bad as they come. Please let any lingering curiosity you have about this film end with this review.