When the 2006 remake of THE WICKER MAN (TWMv2) was released, the newspaper ads ballyhooed the "shocking ending." Well, the ending wasn't the least bit shocking to those of us who've seen and loved the original film; for us, what's shocking is the waste of celluloid and great acting talent in LaBute's ham-fisted, wrongheaded remake. I wouldn't mind the changes if they'd resulted in an intriguing story, but LaBute and company only succeed in replacing intelligent dialogue and suspenseful situations with laughable dialogue and plot "improvements" that the gang at MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 would have had a field day with.
True to LaBute's usual story lines full of hysterical (in more ways than one) hostility to women, he turns the pagan society of Summersisle (the extra "s" in the middle is never explained. My husband quipped that obviously Lord Summerisle refused to give LaBute permission to use his name :-)) into a society of beekeepers on a Puget Sound island, with Summersisle's big export being honey instead of fruit. In this version, the islanders are all women, except for a few males who seem to exist only for the occasional bit of heavy lifting. Get this: when they want to create new little Summersislers -- and get themselves a new batch of potential sacrifices in case the bees fall down on the job -- they send the younger, prettier girls to the mainland to pick up guys and get themselves knocked up. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't have minded the concept of a society of women up to no good if it had been done with anything even remotely resembling intelligence, wit, or suspense, but the way it's done here, it's just plain dopey! Summersisle is described as a pagan society, but the only remotely pagan elements besides the sacrifice are the costumes worn during the climactic festival, and even those become ridiculous thanks to the bee motif. The playful yet unsettling pagan costumes from the original WICKER MAN become unintentionally hilarious when adapted to LaBute's beehive gimmick for TWMv2! If the sight of kiddies wearing bee costumes a la The Not Ready For Prime Time Players in Saturday NIGHT LIVE's first season doesn't make you double over laughing, the sight of Nicolas Cage overpowering the Amazonian Diane Delano (best known in our household as "Mountain Girl" in the Coen Brothers' hilarious 2004 remake of THE LADYKILLERS) so he can go undercover in her bear costume will. And don't get me started on the face-painting that's supposed to make the women look fierce during that "shocking ending," but instead makes them look like they wandered in from some sporting event.
The stiff-necked but capable Sgt. Howie of the original is now American motorcycle cop Edward Malus (pronounced "may-liss," although all I felt was mal-us towards all concerned), played by Cage in the scenery-chomping mode he all too often resorts to in dramas. He's better in comedies, particularly intentional comedies like RAISING ARIZONA and HONEYMOON IN VEGAS, as opposed to unintentional comedies like, well, TWMv2! Anyway, Edward becomes a haunted, nervous wreck after failing to rescue a mother and daughter from a violent car crash that's never explained, not to mention poorly acted by the actresses playing the mother and child. Now it's Willow Woodward (OK, so at least LaBute tried to throw a bone to fans of the original by clumsily invoking Edward Woodward's name in two different characters) who summons the cop protagonist to the island to look for Rowan, who's now a tiny tyke instead of a 12-year-old. Willow is Edward's former flame (apparently they were really in love and Edward wasn't just another pickup), and Rowan turns out to be the daughter Edward didn't know he had. Willow's character has been changed from a saucy, wall-banging temptress to a frightened, one-note damsel-in-distress type, played by pretty Aussie actress Kate Beahan (doing a convincing American accent) as if she's about to burst into tears any minute.
The rest of the cast, including, among others, Ellen Burstyn as Mistress Summersisle, Molly Parker as Miss Rose, and Frances Conroy as Dr. Moss, do the best they can to lend conviction to their ill-conceived characters. They've got their work cut out for them, though, with accidentally funny bits like Edward holding a gun on Miss Rose, screaming, "Step away from the bicycle!" and such lame plot points as Edward being allergic to bees. Don't get me wrong; as the mother of a child with a severe peanut allergy, I know all too well how terrifying and deadly an allergic reaction can be, but somehow it's hard to portray it in a scary way in a movie, especially when it's rendered as ineptly as it is here. It doesn't help that LaBute apparently figured all he had to do to shock the audience was to occasionally show women covered in live, squirming bees, a tactic which gets surprisingly old surprisingly fast. Ugh! Save the 2006 version for a DIY MST3K party with your friends, and watch the 1973 cult classic if you want to see an intelligent, thought-provoking suspense film.
True to LaBute's usual story lines full of hysterical (in more ways than one) hostility to women, he turns the pagan society of Summersisle (the extra "s" in the middle is never explained. My husband quipped that obviously Lord Summerisle refused to give LaBute permission to use his name :-)) into a society of beekeepers on a Puget Sound island, with Summersisle's big export being honey instead of fruit. In this version, the islanders are all women, except for a few males who seem to exist only for the occasional bit of heavy lifting. Get this: when they want to create new little Summersislers -- and get themselves a new batch of potential sacrifices in case the bees fall down on the job -- they send the younger, prettier girls to the mainland to pick up guys and get themselves knocked up. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't have minded the concept of a society of women up to no good if it had been done with anything even remotely resembling intelligence, wit, or suspense, but the way it's done here, it's just plain dopey! Summersisle is described as a pagan society, but the only remotely pagan elements besides the sacrifice are the costumes worn during the climactic festival, and even those become ridiculous thanks to the bee motif. The playful yet unsettling pagan costumes from the original WICKER MAN become unintentionally hilarious when adapted to LaBute's beehive gimmick for TWMv2! If the sight of kiddies wearing bee costumes a la The Not Ready For Prime Time Players in Saturday NIGHT LIVE's first season doesn't make you double over laughing, the sight of Nicolas Cage overpowering the Amazonian Diane Delano (best known in our household as "Mountain Girl" in the Coen Brothers' hilarious 2004 remake of THE LADYKILLERS) so he can go undercover in her bear costume will. And don't get me started on the face-painting that's supposed to make the women look fierce during that "shocking ending," but instead makes them look like they wandered in from some sporting event.
The stiff-necked but capable Sgt. Howie of the original is now American motorcycle cop Edward Malus (pronounced "may-liss," although all I felt was mal-us towards all concerned), played by Cage in the scenery-chomping mode he all too often resorts to in dramas. He's better in comedies, particularly intentional comedies like RAISING ARIZONA and HONEYMOON IN VEGAS, as opposed to unintentional comedies like, well, TWMv2! Anyway, Edward becomes a haunted, nervous wreck after failing to rescue a mother and daughter from a violent car crash that's never explained, not to mention poorly acted by the actresses playing the mother and child. Now it's Willow Woodward (OK, so at least LaBute tried to throw a bone to fans of the original by clumsily invoking Edward Woodward's name in two different characters) who summons the cop protagonist to the island to look for Rowan, who's now a tiny tyke instead of a 12-year-old. Willow is Edward's former flame (apparently they were really in love and Edward wasn't just another pickup), and Rowan turns out to be the daughter Edward didn't know he had. Willow's character has been changed from a saucy, wall-banging temptress to a frightened, one-note damsel-in-distress type, played by pretty Aussie actress Kate Beahan (doing a convincing American accent) as if she's about to burst into tears any minute.
The rest of the cast, including, among others, Ellen Burstyn as Mistress Summersisle, Molly Parker as Miss Rose, and Frances Conroy as Dr. Moss, do the best they can to lend conviction to their ill-conceived characters. They've got their work cut out for them, though, with accidentally funny bits like Edward holding a gun on Miss Rose, screaming, "Step away from the bicycle!" and such lame plot points as Edward being allergic to bees. Don't get me wrong; as the mother of a child with a severe peanut allergy, I know all too well how terrifying and deadly an allergic reaction can be, but somehow it's hard to portray it in a scary way in a movie, especially when it's rendered as ineptly as it is here. It doesn't help that LaBute apparently figured all he had to do to shock the audience was to occasionally show women covered in live, squirming bees, a tactic which gets surprisingly old surprisingly fast. Ugh! Save the 2006 version for a DIY MST3K party with your friends, and watch the 1973 cult classic if you want to see an intelligent, thought-provoking suspense film.