I taped this off the telly when it was shown to coincide with the bicentenary in 1989, onto VHS from a very grainy picture. Sadly, this is the one and only copy I have ever seen of this amazing televisual gem.
I mercilessly forced all my friends to sit and watch it, and the catch-phrases have long since passed into legend among us. For most of them, you 'had to be there', but they still make me laugh even now.
* (embarking on the Channel ferry) "So, come with us on a Journey through History as we travel through the very Port-Holes of Time itself" "<<'portals' Wallace>>" "...through the very Port-als of Time itself"
* (Wallace as Robespierre, austerely sipping a glass of water for breakfast) "It is time to finally free ourselves from the iniquities heaped upon the French poodle, by the Bastions of Feudalism and Decadence!!" "<<'People', Wallace>>" "...the French People, by the Bastions of Feudalism and Decadence!!"
* (trying to reenact the storming of the Bastille while simultaneously trying to figure out where it might be) "Just hold the fort Wallace" "I haven't exactly got a fort to hold, Desmond...um...Aha! There is the la Bastille! With its massive granulated ramparts and flying mattresses!!" "No, that's an office block!!"
* (same sequence, Wallace continuing to fill in while Desmond rushes around making enquiries) "We, that are who, who shall be who, who shall be those who we, who were those present on that fateful day...May 17th 1879...1799....16...49....1979...1789!! Storm! Storm, I say!!" "It's gone" "What?" "Knocked down" "What??" "It's not there anymore, Wallace!!"
* (preparing to re-enact Death of Marat) "So what's the name of this bird who kills him then Desmond?" "Charlotte Corday" "And that's me is it?" "Yes, Wallace" "And why's you in that bath?" "I'm Marat, that's where he was" "I see - so you're in the bath, then in comes Charlotte Cornwall and wallop!"
* (Wallace as border guard running through list of standard questions on clipboard, with Desmond as Louis) "What is your name?" "Monsieur...DuPont" "Smashin...Do you have you do have, or have you do you have had, recourse to a crown, for the wearing thereof?" "On the head?" "Yes" "Yes"
* (kindly jailer attempting to comfort Louis on the eve of his execution) "I'm sure it'll all be alright in the morning." "Well no it won't actually, I'm havin my head chopped off." "Ooh...yes...I forgot...sorry bout that..."
If only I could find a decent copy to show the kids...
I mercilessly forced all my friends to sit and watch it, and the catch-phrases have long since passed into legend among us. For most of them, you 'had to be there', but they still make me laugh even now.
* (embarking on the Channel ferry) "So, come with us on a Journey through History as we travel through the very Port-Holes of Time itself" "<<'portals' Wallace>>" "...through the very Port-als of Time itself"
* (Wallace as Robespierre, austerely sipping a glass of water for breakfast) "It is time to finally free ourselves from the iniquities heaped upon the French poodle, by the Bastions of Feudalism and Decadence!!" "<<'People', Wallace>>" "...the French People, by the Bastions of Feudalism and Decadence!!"
* (trying to reenact the storming of the Bastille while simultaneously trying to figure out where it might be) "Just hold the fort Wallace" "I haven't exactly got a fort to hold, Desmond...um...Aha! There is the la Bastille! With its massive granulated ramparts and flying mattresses!!" "No, that's an office block!!"
* (same sequence, Wallace continuing to fill in while Desmond rushes around making enquiries) "We, that are who, who shall be who, who shall be those who we, who were those present on that fateful day...May 17th 1879...1799....16...49....1979...1789!! Storm! Storm, I say!!" "It's gone" "What?" "Knocked down" "What??" "It's not there anymore, Wallace!!"
* (preparing to re-enact Death of Marat) "So what's the name of this bird who kills him then Desmond?" "Charlotte Corday" "And that's me is it?" "Yes, Wallace" "And why's you in that bath?" "I'm Marat, that's where he was" "I see - so you're in the bath, then in comes Charlotte Cornwall and wallop!"
* (Wallace as border guard running through list of standard questions on clipboard, with Desmond as Louis) "What is your name?" "Monsieur...DuPont" "Smashin...Do you have you do have, or have you do you have had, recourse to a crown, for the wearing thereof?" "On the head?" "Yes" "Yes"
* (kindly jailer attempting to comfort Louis on the eve of his execution) "I'm sure it'll all be alright in the morning." "Well no it won't actually, I'm havin my head chopped off." "Ooh...yes...I forgot...sorry bout that..."
If only I could find a decent copy to show the kids...