Our two leads:
80's redhead lip-syncer, Tiffany has blossomed, (with bosoms), and she ain't shy too show them. Slightly rubenesque , but still attractive, i.e. As of this release, she has aged well.
80's Girl-next door, ephemeral girl-teen-idol Debbie Gibson, looking like the 1st white poster-child for Ethiopia, is so boney gangly it appears her skeleton has other ideas than being her support system. Things is with a nose job, and a pizza, she'd be pretty cute.
Premise: Too many people-eating snakes in the everglades! So cleavage Ranger Tiffany has this brilliant idea to stuff raw chickens with experimental growth hormones to feed to the alligators so they will grow big enough to eat the snakes. (Why they didn't feed them to the snakes natural enemy- the mongoose, is a mystery to me). Of course the plan backfires as the alligators grow to the size of whales, and the snakes as long as a football field(I guess the snakes got some of that grow-juice too?) Well these two species sort of team-up to eat humans and cause general mayhem and destruction in Miami.
Mickey Dolenz ( of the Monkees fame) looking a little creepy, is the cameo VIP host for the fund raiser the clueless Ranger insists must occur so that the glades can survive. OF course the mascot for the ceremony is a MONKEY ( or should I write MONKEE).
But trouble is-a-brewing... (hiss)
The writers seem to have thought it would be funny to play the supposed real-life feud between Gibson and Tiffany into this film. They yell at each other a lot- you see Debbie's some sort of a nature doctor who wants the animals to be left alone as she believes that natural order of things is to let people get eaten by snakes, so she organizes a protest in front of Ranger Tiffany's headquarters. Even though the ranger's fiancé had just been eaten by a snake, Debbie cruelly tells Tiffany it we HER fault he died.
Debbie discovers incriminating evidence that the Ranger had caused this growth phenomena. So she crashes the fund-raiser to threaten the ranger with going public with it. What ensues is the BEST part of the movie as these two erstwhile pop teens have one crazy-ass cat fight with slapping, wrestling, and even a pie fight,that eventually ends in the glade swamp, but not before Tiffany delivers the money-line "Only In Your Dreams" when Debbie touts to Tiffany of the thrashing she is about to receive.
While they are writhing in the swamp, of course the snakes and gators are eating all of the rich guests and before Mickey can sing one Monkees classic (they probably couldn't afford the licensing) a snake swallows him hole. Apparently, rich people are some gun toting folks as every guest had one to fire, to no avail, at the giant reptiles.
On the topic of the critters- they have been computer-rendered on the level of PS-2 game.
I wont spoil the ending, but I'll say it involves TNT and crop dusting, and of course the best cleavage (or should I say breast cleavage) as I swear a couple of times I thought they were gonna fall out.
Enjoy!
(5 stars for obvious tung&cheek approach)
80's redhead lip-syncer, Tiffany has blossomed, (with bosoms), and she ain't shy too show them. Slightly rubenesque , but still attractive, i.e. As of this release, she has aged well.
80's Girl-next door, ephemeral girl-teen-idol Debbie Gibson, looking like the 1st white poster-child for Ethiopia, is so boney gangly it appears her skeleton has other ideas than being her support system. Things is with a nose job, and a pizza, she'd be pretty cute.
Premise: Too many people-eating snakes in the everglades! So cleavage Ranger Tiffany has this brilliant idea to stuff raw chickens with experimental growth hormones to feed to the alligators so they will grow big enough to eat the snakes. (Why they didn't feed them to the snakes natural enemy- the mongoose, is a mystery to me). Of course the plan backfires as the alligators grow to the size of whales, and the snakes as long as a football field(I guess the snakes got some of that grow-juice too?) Well these two species sort of team-up to eat humans and cause general mayhem and destruction in Miami.
Mickey Dolenz ( of the Monkees fame) looking a little creepy, is the cameo VIP host for the fund raiser the clueless Ranger insists must occur so that the glades can survive. OF course the mascot for the ceremony is a MONKEY ( or should I write MONKEE).
But trouble is-a-brewing... (hiss)
The writers seem to have thought it would be funny to play the supposed real-life feud between Gibson and Tiffany into this film. They yell at each other a lot- you see Debbie's some sort of a nature doctor who wants the animals to be left alone as she believes that natural order of things is to let people get eaten by snakes, so she organizes a protest in front of Ranger Tiffany's headquarters. Even though the ranger's fiancé had just been eaten by a snake, Debbie cruelly tells Tiffany it we HER fault he died.
Debbie discovers incriminating evidence that the Ranger had caused this growth phenomena. So she crashes the fund-raiser to threaten the ranger with going public with it. What ensues is the BEST part of the movie as these two erstwhile pop teens have one crazy-ass cat fight with slapping, wrestling, and even a pie fight,that eventually ends in the glade swamp, but not before Tiffany delivers the money-line "Only In Your Dreams" when Debbie touts to Tiffany of the thrashing she is about to receive.
While they are writhing in the swamp, of course the snakes and gators are eating all of the rich guests and before Mickey can sing one Monkees classic (they probably couldn't afford the licensing) a snake swallows him hole. Apparently, rich people are some gun toting folks as every guest had one to fire, to no avail, at the giant reptiles.
On the topic of the critters- they have been computer-rendered on the level of PS-2 game.
I wont spoil the ending, but I'll say it involves TNT and crop dusting, and of course the best cleavage (or should I say breast cleavage) as I swear a couple of times I thought they were gonna fall out.
Enjoy!
(5 stars for obvious tung&cheek approach)