The Last Resort (I) (2009)
1/10
Talk about unconvincing and overcliched
15 April 2011
Warning: Spoilers
This movie has got to be one of the worst, if not the worst horror films of all time. Not only does it not incite any form of terror, but is a script basically written by a kindergartener:

Old Woman: Your friends are at a resort Heroine A: What kind of resort?

Basically the story revolves around a group of girls who take off to an island paradise for their friend's bachelorette party, within minutes they are all partying like crazy, eating cake, getting soused, and making moves on random guys who claim to be movie producers, one of which comes clean about being a school teacher minutes later and is quickly bedded. As our main heroine (not the bachelorette) is making footprints on the ceiling her friends continue to get soused and decide to take a tour of the island with two locals the next morning. After driving for a short while one of the tour guides pulls a gun and tries to rob them, two of the four girls run from the car, one pulls her cell phone to call her friend and the other just screams. The bachelorette manages to run furthest from the car before getting shot and wounded... Meanwhile we see our main heroine get the message from her friend and immediately dial 911 to get laughed at because her friends were missing for only four hours. The girls are dropped in a barren wasteland and wander to find a resort. Within minutes inside the resort they begin to insult each other and call each other names for no apparent reason. The haunting of the resort is lazily explained in a random note found in a room with very weak flashback scenes. I could go on and on but I don't want to feel dumber. The ending is weak, and if this film thinks it can define stir crazy over just a few minutes of being in a given location it is sorely mistakened. This movie completely misses in terms of fear and terror, and should stop trying to be like "The Shining" immediately.
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