"Contains spoilers" I think. (As if ANYTHING could spoil this even more.)
I'm currently sat with my head in my hands in despair. Crap day at work, thought I would come back and melt into movie mode with this. After all the bad things I hear about films at least I can say I give them a go, suspend my disbelief and just jump on in!! What a lot of disbelief to suspend...
This is quite frankly, absolute SPACEJUNK and from someone who really knows rubbish, heed my words!
The actors were so wooden I couldn't have given a bag of b@stards what happened to them. They could have been replaced with a chess set and it would have been more believable. Set was AWFUL. Something Geiger would have been beaten to death with his own shoes for if he had produced. The alien seemed a direct rip off of Alien, though bits of it managed to get inside people's heads, which was hey, different at least. The dialogue seemed to have been randomly produced from some kind of Amstrad Planetary Peril Mix-a-word 9000 (and after switching on its hideously flashing megabank of lights with the flick of a giant knob) gave such illuminating insights such as "God, oh my God", "the outer airlock is open", "that girl is too quiet", "we're next on the menu", "you should let me take a look at that" (No, don't, THERE'S SOMETHING INSIDE HIS HEAD AND IT ISN'T HAPPY THOUGHTS ABOUT HIS CAREER!!)
There were some memorable moments, from what I can remember in my haze of disappointed fury, such as when the aforementioned normally quiet, grumpy guy gets the thing in his head and puts on the most fake, cheery, frightening show via camera of how he found nothing in the other ship and everything was fine "Hey! I just want to get home guys"!!! :D Only for the members of the crew who have just spent God knows how long with him in space to only realise something was afoot when he didn't sweat properly later on! I would definitely want all of them on my alien recovery space crew.
And it went on and on and round and round and it's actually STILL on now!
The worst thing about it all is streaming this has just robbed my bandwidth of precious capacity and I will need something sharpish after this to restore my will to live.
I'm currently sat with my head in my hands in despair. Crap day at work, thought I would come back and melt into movie mode with this. After all the bad things I hear about films at least I can say I give them a go, suspend my disbelief and just jump on in!! What a lot of disbelief to suspend...
This is quite frankly, absolute SPACEJUNK and from someone who really knows rubbish, heed my words!
The actors were so wooden I couldn't have given a bag of b@stards what happened to them. They could have been replaced with a chess set and it would have been more believable. Set was AWFUL. Something Geiger would have been beaten to death with his own shoes for if he had produced. The alien seemed a direct rip off of Alien, though bits of it managed to get inside people's heads, which was hey, different at least. The dialogue seemed to have been randomly produced from some kind of Amstrad Planetary Peril Mix-a-word 9000 (and after switching on its hideously flashing megabank of lights with the flick of a giant knob) gave such illuminating insights such as "God, oh my God", "the outer airlock is open", "that girl is too quiet", "we're next on the menu", "you should let me take a look at that" (No, don't, THERE'S SOMETHING INSIDE HIS HEAD AND IT ISN'T HAPPY THOUGHTS ABOUT HIS CAREER!!)
There were some memorable moments, from what I can remember in my haze of disappointed fury, such as when the aforementioned normally quiet, grumpy guy gets the thing in his head and puts on the most fake, cheery, frightening show via camera of how he found nothing in the other ship and everything was fine "Hey! I just want to get home guys"!!! :D Only for the members of the crew who have just spent God knows how long with him in space to only realise something was afoot when he didn't sweat properly later on! I would definitely want all of them on my alien recovery space crew.
And it went on and on and round and round and it's actually STILL on now!
The worst thing about it all is streaming this has just robbed my bandwidth of precious capacity and I will need something sharpish after this to restore my will to live.