The Brothers Solomon is a concrete example of why actors (poor actors at that) shouldn't fancy themselves writers or directors. I'm conducting this review as an open letter to several of the key players in this failure.
Dear Bob Odenkirk,
I know you're a hip hipster and an accomplished actor with such great shows under your belt like Tom Goes to the Mayor, Dr. Doolittle 2, and Monkeybone. It's a shame you managed to get into 9 episodes of SNL during some of it's better years, but the only reason I bring up your acting "experience" is to comment on your supposed directing. Your last failure, Let's Go To Prison, should have been a strong hint that you're a talentless hack, but still you pressed forward into new, uncharted seas of bad. In the world of movies, we've got a flat earth, and the good ship Brothers Solomon just headed off the edge. I hope with all my hoping strength that your talents as director, writer, producer, actor, or (HA!) songwriter are never employed again. If there's a black list, I hope you're on it. If there's a revolution, I hope you're first against the comedic wall (right next to buddy Will Forte).
Love and Kisses,
The Fat Man
Dear Will Arnett,
I write to you with only the best intentions in mind. Please, oh please, read the script before you sign the contract. I know they're telling you something about nondisclosure or whatever - they're lying to you. Your career will continue to suffer should you ignore my advice.
Hugs and Cuddles,
The Fat Man
Dear Will Forte,
I say "dear" only because it's a formality. I would have rather begun with "Die, Will Forte." First, a congratulation is in order. You've managed to do what no man thought was possible - write a comedy with no jokes. Considering your writing experience is from SNL in the past 5 years, it's easy to see where you think that writing random lines in the hope that someone will save it for you with a wacky gesture is "script writing." In the world of movies, you have to actually write out what's going to happen. Here's your idea of humor:
Picture if you will, in your little mind, a man with a chicken on his head. Got it?
Oh ho ho ho!!!! Look it's a man with a chicken on his head!!!! That's so funny!!! It's even funnier because... wait wait wait.. THE CHICKEN IS POOPING!!!!
Read that over and over for an hour and you've got Will Forte writing a movie. And I know it's only a comedy, but a little consistency would be appreciated. Their either idiot losers, or they're smart but socially awkward homeschoolers - not knowing how to turn down volume on an electronic is a complete violation of the premise you started with.
That said, I wish you well in your new career. After a two week total of less than $1 million, I doubt you'll be doing much more writing or acting. If there is any justice in the world, you'll be a fry master at Biggie Burger on 3rd shift.
Love and Daggers,
The Fat Man
PS Even your opening credits were moronic.
Dear Stephen Farber, Adam Graham, Tom Keogh, Jim Lane ("oddly winning"? really Jim, really??), Sue Pierman, Keith Phipps, Dustin Putman, and Eric D. Snider,
You are not movie reviewers, despite what you've been told. How can you rate Brothers Solomon as fresh on RT? You disgust me. Your humanity is questionable. Your sanity, even more so. You deserve to be strapped into a seat, eyes propped open, to watch this mess for the rest of your miserable lives.
Cheers.
The Fat Man
And lastly...
Dear Readers,
I am sorry I am so very angry. It's just.. I had to watch this movie. You would be too.
Love,
The Fat Man
Dear Bob Odenkirk,
I know you're a hip hipster and an accomplished actor with such great shows under your belt like Tom Goes to the Mayor, Dr. Doolittle 2, and Monkeybone. It's a shame you managed to get into 9 episodes of SNL during some of it's better years, but the only reason I bring up your acting "experience" is to comment on your supposed directing. Your last failure, Let's Go To Prison, should have been a strong hint that you're a talentless hack, but still you pressed forward into new, uncharted seas of bad. In the world of movies, we've got a flat earth, and the good ship Brothers Solomon just headed off the edge. I hope with all my hoping strength that your talents as director, writer, producer, actor, or (HA!) songwriter are never employed again. If there's a black list, I hope you're on it. If there's a revolution, I hope you're first against the comedic wall (right next to buddy Will Forte).
Love and Kisses,
The Fat Man
Dear Will Arnett,
I write to you with only the best intentions in mind. Please, oh please, read the script before you sign the contract. I know they're telling you something about nondisclosure or whatever - they're lying to you. Your career will continue to suffer should you ignore my advice.
Hugs and Cuddles,
The Fat Man
Dear Will Forte,
I say "dear" only because it's a formality. I would have rather begun with "Die, Will Forte." First, a congratulation is in order. You've managed to do what no man thought was possible - write a comedy with no jokes. Considering your writing experience is from SNL in the past 5 years, it's easy to see where you think that writing random lines in the hope that someone will save it for you with a wacky gesture is "script writing." In the world of movies, you have to actually write out what's going to happen. Here's your idea of humor:
Picture if you will, in your little mind, a man with a chicken on his head. Got it?
Oh ho ho ho!!!! Look it's a man with a chicken on his head!!!! That's so funny!!! It's even funnier because... wait wait wait.. THE CHICKEN IS POOPING!!!!
Read that over and over for an hour and you've got Will Forte writing a movie. And I know it's only a comedy, but a little consistency would be appreciated. Their either idiot losers, or they're smart but socially awkward homeschoolers - not knowing how to turn down volume on an electronic is a complete violation of the premise you started with.
That said, I wish you well in your new career. After a two week total of less than $1 million, I doubt you'll be doing much more writing or acting. If there is any justice in the world, you'll be a fry master at Biggie Burger on 3rd shift.
Love and Daggers,
The Fat Man
PS Even your opening credits were moronic.
Dear Stephen Farber, Adam Graham, Tom Keogh, Jim Lane ("oddly winning"? really Jim, really??), Sue Pierman, Keith Phipps, Dustin Putman, and Eric D. Snider,
You are not movie reviewers, despite what you've been told. How can you rate Brothers Solomon as fresh on RT? You disgust me. Your humanity is questionable. Your sanity, even more so. You deserve to be strapped into a seat, eyes propped open, to watch this mess for the rest of your miserable lives.
Cheers.
The Fat Man
And lastly...
Dear Readers,
I am sorry I am so very angry. It's just.. I had to watch this movie. You would be too.
Love,
The Fat Man