Battleship (2012)
1/10
Battlesh*t
12 April 2012
Warning: Spoilers
Battleship is bar none the worst movie I have seen in recent years. It is a noisy, clichéd and unbearable piece of trash that exploits the work of CG artists and paying customers who just want to be entertained.

A simple way to describe Battleship, is that it's basically a $200 million naval recruitment video that was made by a schizophrenic 8 year old who likes video games and things going Ka-Boom.

The main heroes in this movie are indeed American navy sailors, but the one thing the film-makers really failed at is making these people likable and realistic. Taylor Kitsch plays the lead character, he's basically some drop out loser who robs convenience stores to get girlfriends and joins the navy at his brothers behest, and in what seems like no time at all he becomes a lieutenant with big responsibilities on a naval vessel with some few hundred men beneath him.

The special effects are the only thing to keep you invested, however they're all completely CG so it just likes a cut-scene from a video game . Something that should be impressive (like a ship sinking) is made pointless because it's something clearly rendered on a computer.

The soundtrack to the movie is okay composition wise, but it's often loud and draws attention to itself and it sounds exactly like the Inception soundtrack on numerous occasions.

This movie has the shadow of Transformers looming over it, both in its marketing and tone. Battleship however is far, far, far worse than any of those three films and it could probably be used as a symbol for the decline of western civilisation.
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