I love Britain's Got Talent, but I've always struggled with the deep sense of shame I feel after spending an hour of my Saturday evening watching a quartet of millionaires belittle and humiliate the disadvantaged. I always used to attempt to drown this self-loathing with hard liquor and prescription painkillers, but not anymore! Britain's Got More talent means that, instead, I can simply switch to ITV2 and spend another hour seeing my fellow human beings being torn to shreds in front of a baying crowd! BGMT's enjoyment factor is increased by the fact that none of the acts featured on it ever make it to the finals - meaning that even if the judges say "yes", you can still feel the warm satisfaction of knowing that their dreams are going to die soon anyway.
As much as I love this programme, there are a few improvements I'd like to see implemented in future series:
As much as I love this programme, there are a few improvements I'd like to see implemented in future series:
- The emotional injuries suffered by the contestants are hugely enjoyable, but I think it would be even more comical if they were to suffer physical injuries too. Perhaps the judges and crowd should be supplied with sharp objects to throw. Or, instead of merely shouting "OFF! OFF! OFF!" at unpopular acts, the crowd should be allowed to storm the stage and beat the contestant into unconsciousness.
- More children! BGT has been groundbreaking in it's brave attempts to humiliate all kinds of people, regardless of their age or mental handicaps, but by far the most hilarious victims are children. In future, at least three pre-teens should be reduced to floods of tears every episode (at present there's usually only one or two).
- Follow-ups! I would get more pleasure from these public humiliations if I were able to see the ongoing psychological damage that the victims suffer. There should be a third show (Britain's Got Even More Talent), in which those who are claxoned off stage are followed around by a camera crew - then we could witness them being mocked in the street, sneered at by their co-workers, and sobbing quietly and uncontrollably as they remember their ordeal.