The unwritten but relentless rule: "be wary of unknown movies that put all sorts of meaningless awards and praising quotes on the poster/DVD cover" once again proves itself to be very accurate and reliable. The poster image for "Crawl" spawns a whole miscellany of glorifying words and an accumulation of prizes won at random international festivals, but – as secretly feared – the movie itself eventually turned out a terrible disappointment. I don't know what kind of jury hands over these awards, but I bet they think of themselves as important and knowledgeable cinema experts. I can name a whole lot of things wrong about "Crawl", but most important key errors would definitely be boredom and pretension. "Crawl" isn't a so-called slow burner; it's a dead waste!
Some quotes claim that the China brothers (Paul and Benjamin) are as talented as the Coen brothers, but I feel they're just lame wannabe copycats. The Chinas are probably even less talented than the Coen brothers' most distant cousins from their father's side of the family and "Crawl" can't hold a candle to their amazing debut "Blood Simple" and most certainly not against their widely acclaimed masterpiece "No Country for Old Men". The rudimentary plot, simply summarized as 'man hires eccentric killer and complications arise', is hugely unoriginal and even then it's full of dumbness and holes. Even more annoying, however, is Paul China's complete lack of knowledge on how to build atmosphere and/or generate suspense. You don't create tension just by stretching every scene five times longer than necessary. You don't necessarily make your pivot characters more mysterious by revealing absolutely nothing about them. Aborting sub plots all of a sudden does not make your movie artistic. Planting a silent Croatian killer (with a cowboy hat) in an Aussie setting doesn't qualify as black humor!
The more I think back about my "Crawl" viewing experience, the more frustrated I get. It's just a downright inept movie with a retarded plot, and I will illustrate this through three simple bullet points: 1) the events take place in a remote and incredibly small town community. The local bar owner hires someone to kill the local gas station owner. First of all, what kind of pathetic vendetta could they possibly have? An unpaid bill for about $50, perhaps? And secondly, how does the bartender ever think he will get away with conspiracy to murder in a small community where every inhabitant knows about your quarrel with the victim? 2) Nobody, and I really do mean nobody, walks around his/her own house or work place at such slow pace as the people here. Nobody reaches for a light switch or a doorknob in slow-motion, neither. 3) If your car breaks down at approximately five minutes walking distance from your destination, you don't aimlessly hang around and throw yourself in front of another car hoping the driver will help! You just walk home through the corn field and call a mechanic from home. This way you don't get run over and killed, you stupid moron! Truly retarded movie; the only two stars go out to lead actresses Georgina Haig and Lauren Dillon for being so cute.
Some quotes claim that the China brothers (Paul and Benjamin) are as talented as the Coen brothers, but I feel they're just lame wannabe copycats. The Chinas are probably even less talented than the Coen brothers' most distant cousins from their father's side of the family and "Crawl" can't hold a candle to their amazing debut "Blood Simple" and most certainly not against their widely acclaimed masterpiece "No Country for Old Men". The rudimentary plot, simply summarized as 'man hires eccentric killer and complications arise', is hugely unoriginal and even then it's full of dumbness and holes. Even more annoying, however, is Paul China's complete lack of knowledge on how to build atmosphere and/or generate suspense. You don't create tension just by stretching every scene five times longer than necessary. You don't necessarily make your pivot characters more mysterious by revealing absolutely nothing about them. Aborting sub plots all of a sudden does not make your movie artistic. Planting a silent Croatian killer (with a cowboy hat) in an Aussie setting doesn't qualify as black humor!
The more I think back about my "Crawl" viewing experience, the more frustrated I get. It's just a downright inept movie with a retarded plot, and I will illustrate this through three simple bullet points: 1) the events take place in a remote and incredibly small town community. The local bar owner hires someone to kill the local gas station owner. First of all, what kind of pathetic vendetta could they possibly have? An unpaid bill for about $50, perhaps? And secondly, how does the bartender ever think he will get away with conspiracy to murder in a small community where every inhabitant knows about your quarrel with the victim? 2) Nobody, and I really do mean nobody, walks around his/her own house or work place at such slow pace as the people here. Nobody reaches for a light switch or a doorknob in slow-motion, neither. 3) If your car breaks down at approximately five minutes walking distance from your destination, you don't aimlessly hang around and throw yourself in front of another car hoping the driver will help! You just walk home through the corn field and call a mechanic from home. This way you don't get run over and killed, you stupid moron! Truly retarded movie; the only two stars go out to lead actresses Georgina Haig and Lauren Dillon for being so cute.