Passport to Paris (1999 Video)
"It's Just a Kids' Film" does NOT excuse it from being terrible.
29 March 2013
Warning: Spoilers
I watched this with my French class. It's the week before Spring Break, and my teacher said she would have us watch a French film. I was hoping for something along the lines of "Les Miserables," but instead we got this.

So, the film starts off with two snobby, self-absorbed 13 year old girls. They use up just about every 1990s slang word within the first 10 minutes. Just as they are about to go to the dance with some boys, their parents decide to take them to Paris with their grandfather. The girls act like they have just gone bankrupt or something, they are completely depressed. Of course, this is just the start.

When they arrive to Paris, their ambassador grandfather shows them around, and brings them a fellow named Jeremy to escort them around the city of love. You have your typical scenes for a "going to France" movie...but it just makes things worse. They meet French boys, they have a terrible green-screen exploration of the Louvre, and, (later on in the film,) have a shopping spree. Once they eat dinner at the French Embassy, however, they spit out all the food at the waiter. I mean, do kids think that's funny or something? Every bloody joke in this film resulted in groaning from everyone in the classroom.

But here's the part that really gets me: the end of the film. Melanie and Ally are only in Paris for about three days, and at a party, they explain to the other ambassador why France should have clean water, and they explain the history of Paris. WHAT?!? They've only been there for two days, and suddenly they know all about the place?!? NO. But it gets worse when Melanie and Ally go give the stubborn French chef MCDONALD'S. Shows the kind of place America is. The chef ends up loving it, the grandfather has a change of heart and decides to let Melanie and Ally stay away from the boys he told them to leave, and Melanie and Ally go to the dance with the boys. Jeremy, the escort who BARELY MATTERED in this entire film, gets one of the hottest women in France.

I get that they had to keep it simple for kids. But to test it out, I got my little sister, 8 years old, to watch this and see what she thought. She thought it was terrible.

So I don't think "it's just a kids' film" will cover this film up. It is terrible. The sloppy writing, the terrible acting, the horrible music and editing, it's just an embarrassment. May God have mercy on the people who thought this was good...
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