Review of On the Line

On the Line (2001)
3/10
A Not-So-Straight Line
10 September 2014
Warning: Spoilers
Admittedly, I saw From Justin to Kelly and in the end of my review I will state why. While FJtK came out afterwards, this "concept" isn't anything new. Both used it, but unbelievably, this *Nsync Nightmare is actually, albeit slightly, better.

What On the Line is, on the surface, mind you, is a "romantic comedy" of a love-lost boy trying to track down his soul-mate in the most ancient of ways in 2001 after one encounter during his commute. I bring up the year because this movie might have worked in 1981, but not in the internet-booming new millennium.

Basically, Lance Bass' Kevin uses everything but what he needs, i.e. the net, to find "the girl of his dreams." And we, the viewer, have to suffer through 85 minutes of his journey to know exactly how it will turn out. Even with a movie this short, it feels three times as long.

So, beyond the sadly ironic title of "On the Line" because he doesn't know how to log online, the real tragedy here is Bass was never believable. Not for a moment. Granted it would be about half a decade later when he came out of the closet, you can absolutely tell throughout this movie that he is gay and he was not into women whatsoever. Obviously, watching this movie today we have the knowledge he's homosexual, but I believe if I saw this in 2001, I would know (no pun) straight-up he was gay.

Just listen to how he talks about baseball, his character's passion, or how he looks and talks about women. There was zero chemistry between him and any of the opposite sex. And unfortunately for the movie, the secondary characters were just horrible individuals that spend most of the movie doing terrible things until they finally "do the right thing." So, there were really no one to grasp or root for.

The movie's only, and I mean ONLY, saving grace was the end credits. Again, even at very short 85 minutes, I was so frustrated with the film, I turned it off immediately as the credits rolled only to have to turn it back on then as I write this thanks to a certain podcast that told me about the additional irony in this film.

Justin Timberlake and his other *Nsync co-boy-wonder pretend to be gay for a fake "making of" makeup scene. Actually, it's a wonder if they were trying to help their friend come out sooner or if they even knew about Bass. Most likely they did know about Bass being gay, but it didn't work as Bass wouldn't enter the real world for years later.

Either way, it's not worth watching the whole movie for. Even though I liked some of the music, just stream the tracks ON(the)LINE and save another 70-80 minutes you'll never get back.

* * *

Final thoughts: The podcast I referred to was the fantastic How Did This Get Made? I love listening to them, but you really have to see the movies first to fully enjoy their critique of the films they cover. So, yeah, they did, indirectly, make me watch two movies I had hoped never to see: On the Line and the (lesser remake) From Justin to Kelly. At very least, I was entertained when I listened to their take.
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