Reading the other reviews on this page will acquaint you with Cruel Jaws' director, Bruno Mattei. Suffice to say that the man is an infamous director of stolen schlock. Cruel Jaws lives up to his reputation.
This film really has it all. Some of the douchiest-looking surfers known to man. Hollywood Hulk Hogan desperately searching for his daughter's missing smile. A navy-trained super shark, described as "a locomotive, with thousands of butchers' knives" preying on hapless douchebags. The mafia, who are equally proficient in real-estate speculation, aquarium espionage, and shark hunting. A little girl whose mouth might be scarier than the shark's.
The ineptitude is overwhelming. The abrupt editing creates lightning-fast tonal shifts from horror, to slapstick comedy, to vaguely-sad goings-on. The script is cartoonish, with characters pushed into extreme archetypes of "total dick" and "perfect girl." The Star Wars theme is used in the movie - a jaw-dropping moment. The shark changes forms, from a tiger shark, to a great white, to dolphin, to what I think is a nurse shark. This truly is the ultimate shark.
Which is funny because the film steals so much footage from L'Ultimo Squalo, or The Last Shark - which is a technically-superior, slightly less trashy shark film riding off of the Jaws craze. Watching Squalo first, it struck me as hilarious seeing the same exact footage used. Not to mention all the footage stolen from the Jaws films.
In summation, this is a good time. There are slow moments, but that is what fast-forwarding is for. The story is so awfully delivered that it becomes its own perverse pleasure, and watching the insanity build up to the movie's exciting anti-climax is a fun ride while it lasts. Mattei does it again.
This film really has it all. Some of the douchiest-looking surfers known to man. Hollywood Hulk Hogan desperately searching for his daughter's missing smile. A navy-trained super shark, described as "a locomotive, with thousands of butchers' knives" preying on hapless douchebags. The mafia, who are equally proficient in real-estate speculation, aquarium espionage, and shark hunting. A little girl whose mouth might be scarier than the shark's.
The ineptitude is overwhelming. The abrupt editing creates lightning-fast tonal shifts from horror, to slapstick comedy, to vaguely-sad goings-on. The script is cartoonish, with characters pushed into extreme archetypes of "total dick" and "perfect girl." The Star Wars theme is used in the movie - a jaw-dropping moment. The shark changes forms, from a tiger shark, to a great white, to dolphin, to what I think is a nurse shark. This truly is the ultimate shark.
Which is funny because the film steals so much footage from L'Ultimo Squalo, or The Last Shark - which is a technically-superior, slightly less trashy shark film riding off of the Jaws craze. Watching Squalo first, it struck me as hilarious seeing the same exact footage used. Not to mention all the footage stolen from the Jaws films.
In summation, this is a good time. There are slow moments, but that is what fast-forwarding is for. The story is so awfully delivered that it becomes its own perverse pleasure, and watching the insanity build up to the movie's exciting anti-climax is a fun ride while it lasts. Mattei does it again.