Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon (2013 Video Game)
8/10
Nothing could possibly wipe the grin off my face
28 July 2015
It's the retro-futuristic year of 2007. The nuclear ashes of Vietnam war 2 makes a new kind of soldier necessary. It is the Mark IV Cyber Commando. The former commander, Colonel Sloan(Blanco Hall, delirious, evil, ranting about the gutless politicians and the Reds) is planning something. His island is protected by the Omega Force army, that force scientists to do experiments. You're gonna stop all of that. As Rex 'Power' Colt(Biehn, having as much fun as we and the developers are, never met a problem he couldn't shoot). 90% not human, you're still 100% man. At least the parts that count. And you aren't alone: his former ally, Dr. Darling(Griffin, a strong female, and only one of the memorable, character... except for when she isn't) assists you via radio.

This is a love/hate piece. Will *you* like the tone? Watch the trailers, they communicate it really well. It won't be for everyone, but I'm of the opinion that making something for a certain audience, even if that isn't a huge majority, is well worth doing. The one requirement is to try to make it clear that that's what you're doing, and this does that. This is a big, neon, OTT, fun, black-comedy-sense-of-humor-having, filled to the brim with references, one-liners and charm, comedic parody tribute to 80's and early 90's action flicks, Saturday morning cartoons and early shooter VGs. It makes you the unstoppable hero of one, like Commando, Rambo and RoboCop. The look and feel takes notes, heck, the excellent, heavily synthesized music remixes tunes, from Terminator, Aliens, Predator and Total Recall. The intentionally dumb, cliché-ridden story, told through 8-bit cutscenes are too long right from the start, but you can skip them: Enter, then Esc, takes us from one of the best openings of the medium ever to one of the most amazing finales. This goes back and forth between owning it and being self-aware, with "you" mocking, raging at the tutorial you start with! And it's made to be obnoxious, obvious. He'll also point out the tropes. This has some terrible, and a lot of bad, jokes, but "the good kind". The swearing is gratuitous. This is incredibly cheesy, with moral lessons like "don't litter" and "winners don't use drugs" in amongst the violence and death. Like, seriously, these are written on crates and the like. I do wish it had been completely consistent – hints, tutorials, descriptions, all fit this. But "this icon means it's saving", the main menu, they're regular.

A lot of the issues here are relatively forgivable, since the game is so short and inexpensive, at a quarter of its parent title, which this otherwise only shares its engine with. You may notice them, yet not be bothered by them because it just doesn't let you have a lot of time for that. It's giving you a pretty good amount for the low price that it is easily worth. You will want to play in stretches. It lacks content and variation, becoming monotonous almost immediately. Slow, shallow and linear, it's more streamlined than the main one. The joke wears thin after an hour. Everything looks the same. The murky visuals, rather than vibrant colors, are unappealing. It can even be hard to make out what you're looking at. Not being "meant to be taken seriously" is a choice, not an excuse – where it makes sense, that is disregarded in favor of the experience. It has the open world annoyance of having going to different places to get to the gameplay. My times for completion are based on me buying maps for the collectibles, though I know I shouldn't take that shortcut, I'm not the type to look for them myself if I don't have to – and if I hadn't, I admit I might have tired of this. 3 and a half hours to complete the one campaign, with only single player, and 6 and a half to get all collectibles, the awesome upgrades(explosive bullets, 4 barrel Winchester!) they unlock, and the sidemissions.

You'll liberate Strongholds, each time earning yourself another base you can Fast Travel to, where you can purchase kevlar, ammo, healing syringes, swap out any weapon for any other, for 4 carried at a time. It's also where you go for Hostage Rescue: take out the guards, avoid being seen or they might start killing the man you're there to get out. And Predator's Path: kill one of the various mutated, endangered species of animals, often with the silent, compact bow. They may attack you if you aren't careful. You can look up their territories, and hunting is the one thing you can't run out of. There is no redoing anything else. It does have three slots, so you can restart without losing anything, and even the easiest of the three difficulty settings will challenge you some. Still, it doesn't, much, on purpose. To take one of these garrisons over, you will have to remove every enemy from it. As you do, those on your side inside will start aiding you. And so will the Blood Dragons. They do immense damage, aren't necessarily particular about who they'll kill and their only weak spot is on their chest, meaning if they aren't attacking you, you don't have a clear shot at it. While crouch-walking can hide you, you'll want to throw an artificial heart, that you actually ripped out of one of the downed foes, as it will attract them. You can use that to lure them away from yourself – or to get them to take on those inside the citadels. If you want them to eat, slash and the like, so do more than fire their eyelaser at the people through the Mega Shield, you'll have to eliminate it. Turn off/make it boom.

In addition to what I've already mentioned, there is a lot of gore in this, with heads and limbs blown off. I recommend this to anyone who finds this at all engaging. 8/10
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