The Identical (2014)
2/10
"Israel won the war" and then nothing bad ever happened again...
20 February 2016
Pretty much lives up to the hype (that I heard) as a movie that is completely incomprehensible, awfully acted, and has a couple of actors trying to do something with the material, ANYTHING to make it work. Unfortunately, included in that couple are not the "stars" playing Drexel "The Dream" or his "identical" twin, Ryan Wade (both played by Blake Rayne). It's a movie about two people who are separated in infancy and go in different paths in life, one as a rock star and one as a wannabe rock star. Also unfortunately at times, mid-way through, I wasn't sure who was who due to poor cross-cutting.

Maybe if the filmmakers had just made a rip-off-of-Elvis'-life biopic, that could have slightly worked. I say slightly since I have no idea if this material could fly since the dialog is just terrible, hackneyed at best and stuffed full of bad, bland exposition at worst. There's nothing to Ray Liotta's character (until maybe the last scene or two) than the grumpy/strict preacher-father, and Ashley Judd has very little to do, and she should be in better material than this (and have a character who ages appropriately over the course of 40 years instead of looking *exactly the same* from start to finish).

As a not-Elvis tale, it features a lot of music. At best it's inoffensive pap, and at worst it makes me pine for modern-day country music. And the music is not appropriate for the periods; what sounds like it should be 1950's music or from the 1960's sounds like it's from another decade or two, and at times the clothing doesn't match either. That could even be excusable if the characters related to each other with something... else? More? I don't know! All I can say is that Liotta is trying as an actor, to bring emotions here, and Joe Pantoliano who also tries for what little he's given. But it's all for nought.

Blake Rayne isn't an actor. He's an Elvis statue given blood and sinew and put in front of a microphone or laughably grotesque beards and hair and so on (at one point his mustache looks like it's begging to get into another movie), and yet has little personality or actual charisma. He maybe comes close to doing what a scene requires, but it's a perfect storm of bloodless/lifeless made for Hallmark channel TV dialog and an actor who seems just dead on arrival. Or, if he isn't dead, it's really bizarre, such as the one and *only* time that the filmmakers put the two identical twins in the same room, when Wade performs at a talent competition (with his family watching in horror at other rock acts) and Drexel comes by to... watch for a competition for his performance only (?)

Why make them twins? There's little sense to it, and only near the very end do the first time director and writer cobble together some connection. If there had been actually attempted to tell the stories of two children growing up and having these different careers, then at least there would be more meat on the bones (bland meat, but meat nonetheless). But it's only about Ryan Wade, and Drexel "The Dream" is in the background as the major player (oh, and Elvis exists in this world because... why the hell is he in this if there is already an "Elvis" for this world, why oh why did that happen to get crowbarred in there?)

Though not as technically incompetent as The Room or Birdemic, I can see why I've seen certain people online put it in the same ballpark. This is a horrible movie on a level that is so wonderful - it's one of the most misguided "biopics" that, I must add, also is a *faith-based movie* inasmuch that it has a preacher character and the filmmakers slam into it a connection to... Judaism, and the 7 days war in 1967, and a special revelation at how awesome it is that the Jews won the war (like it was for good). Because, well, rapture!
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