Cyborg (1989)
4/10
A cheesy action film from Van Damme's early career
31 May 2016
Warning: Spoilers
Van Damme goes the Mad Max route in this unthinking, low budget rip-off of the futuristic film craze of the early '80s. However, the futuristic setting here is merely a backdrop for some ruined buildings for Van Damme to fight the baddies in, and a chance for some really odd costumes and fashions (once again, the MAD MAX films are a definite influence).

Unfortunately, this turns out to be one of Van Damme's lesser '80ss films, mainly due to the simple lack of plot, special effects or stylised fight scenes. Indeed, there is still some fun to be had from watching Van Damme take on multiple opponents in a variety of settings (a marsh, a deserted building, a town square flooded with rain), but these fun fight scenes are not quite as inspired as they should be, and not nearly violent enough, bearing in mind this was heavily cut in the UK.

I don't think Van Damme had really got the hang of acting this early on in his career, and his accent is very thick, and the poor sound quality merely makes it harder to hear what's going on. Not that it's very memorable. A rather dull and talentless group of performers fill out the cast, with the female lead stripping off and doing little else, the group of bad guys merely grunting and shouting incessantly, and making zero sense (also making the script writer look infantile), and the main bad guy having bright blue eyes but little acting ability.

To add insult to injury, the cyborg only appears briefly in the film at the beginning, in a flurry of stop-motion animation which really deserved more screen time but comes across looking rushed and unrealistic. CYBORG is definitely uninspired, but on a plus point it is the only film where you'll see Van Damme get crucified. Oh, and watch for the incredible wounds which heal within minutes. This almost qualifies for so-bad-it's-good entertainment, with 'almost' being the operative word here.
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