Review of Taekwondo

Taekwondo (2016)
5/10
Plot light; eye-candy heavy.
9 June 2017
Warning: Spoilers
The synopsis of the film is what drew me to it. As vague as it was, I wanted to see how they, German and Fer, were going to get together in what I presumed would be a house full of testosterone-driven heteros. And for the most part that is essentially the plot of the film, in as much as a plot exists. However, that particular storyline could be whittled down to 20 minutes of the film's almost two-hour run time, if so much. The majority of the film comprises of half-naked guys lounging, more often than not chatting about cheating on their girlfriends or being tied down by said girlfriends, etc.

I would agree with the review that said that it's meant to depict how gay guys feel surrounded by their heterosexual friends talking about their conquests to a point but the majority of those conversations take place without German or Fer in attendance and neither of them seem bothered by said conversations when they are there. For Fer, who's the host, it's par for the course because they are HIS friends and German spent most of his scenes wondering whether Fer was even interested in him or not. If they are bothered by those conversations, there's nothing in the film to indicate it.

For as little substance as this film has, it's too long and yet I can't quite think of how they could've possibly made it suitably shorter so I guess I must give production credit for relatively decent organization and cinematography. But I'm not inclined to even give them that much because when we do finally get to the end of German and Fer's story, there is little to no reward. Two hours of "are they, aren't they", Fer's friends' incessant lusting for sex (and a couple of actual hookups), and those two got one brief, pitch-black kiss.

I can't in good conscience recommend this film, it made me feel like I'd wasted two valuable hours that I could've spent watching something else, but if a buffet of oft-naked guys talking, swimming, sleeping, eating is your cup of tea then have at it.
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