Black Snow (2017)
3/10
Predictable or convoluted? Nah, just full of plot holes
5 November 2017
Warning: Spoilers
Spoilers at the end. I'll let you see them coming.

I was expecting a drama film with great actors doing what they do best, but quickly realized I was into some suspense thriller, so great! let's see how that turns out.

So I spent the next hour staring at the screen without blinking an eye. I love to pick the details in those murder mystery settings, and this just looked like one. But my brain starts to hurt. Pieces just don't fall into place, there's just more and more of them. Do they mean anything? Turns out, they don't.

Resorting extensively to flashbacks, you get pieces of the puzzle. But there's a trick. They may contradict and don't make sense at all. Some are memories, some are dreams, some are wild deductions made by a Sherlock Holmes level mind cleverly disguised behind a cute stupid look.

In between those flashbacks, you get some spacing sequences of predictable events: this is when those two fight, this is when those other two fight, this is when the key clue is revealed, this is when they get stuck, etc etc. It's frustrating. How come am I so good at seen those coming and so lame at picking the pieces of the overarching story???

I'll tell you why. In the end, those inconsistencies in continuity don't come out as masterful narrative, they are just plot holes and scenes squeezed in like as an afterthought.

This is not a movie, it's a low budget theater pilot of three and a half characters in a room, adorned with some wild scenery. A movie put out to be sold as a remake for the US market. Get a farm and some rednecks there and you are good to go.

**** SPOILERS ****

**** SPOILERS AHEAD ****

**** MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD ****

**** STOP. MAJOR PLOT SPOILERS AHEAD ****

So we got this mother. She's got to have some weight in a setting like this, right? Wrong! For a time I thought she was the one shot in the accident. That messed things up. Turns out, she's just "gone", along with all her memories... for "reasons"...

Maybe it was that I saw the father beating up the eldest with a belt. Wasn't the youngest kid by the fire below? He must have done something else, and probably deserved it, right?

Anyways, hillbilly agrees to take his bro to the grave. Both go out in the truck, chat for 30 seconds, and then get back to the cabin in the afternoon thinking: what was that we were supposed to be doing?

So the land is worth 9 millions, or 11. Deal with it.

But since money is a subject here. Tell me. What do this people do for a living? Hunting and gathering? That's how you got you land, two houses, two SUVs, and raised 3 kids? Maybe the key is not having medical bills or sending kids to school. That could do it!

If you've managed to frame a faked crime scene as easily as you did, even with that zombie witness around, you definitely have some magic star shinning over you. Or is it that maybe you already got some experience under you belt? This could be the third time a family member vanishes without anyone asking.

But those are just details, my question is: you've grown up isolated, with an absent mother, in the hands of a violent father, having intercourse with your sister, killed your little brother cold-blood and let your other brother be framed for that. Alas, both your brothers are completely nuts. But you seemed to come out just fine. You are definitely less crazy than your wife and you lawyer, that make up for the rest of the world. So, how did you do that??? You know, even Nelson Mandela could learn a thing or two from you.

Maybe I'm missing something, right? Should I watch the movie again? Nah, and neither should you.
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