Review of Body Rock

Body Rock (1984)
5/10
Wow, this is....bad.
14 May 2018
It's hard to even describe this movie or how it came into being. My guess is that a bunch of old white guys decided they wanted to get in the "rapping and break dancing thing", but they were too frightened of minorities to let actual break dancers get too close and they weren't entirely sure what rap even was.

"Chilly D", aka Lorenzo Lamas, is an aspiring "graffiti artist", but seeing he doesn't have a future there, he decides to make is as a "rapper and break dancer", and puts together a group of friends to impress a big promoter. He gets some lessons from some people who know how to break dance, and some of those scenes are pretty impressive, but it's strictly B-roll. Chilly himself can barely dance, and as for his rapping... well, another review described it like your "uncle who thinks he's cool", but I disagree; he sounds like someone who's *making fun* of your uncool uncle.

Anyway, they have their show, and the promotor's boss decides that he's going to single Chilly out and make him famous - in spite of the fact the Chilly is objectively the *least* talented guy in the crew. It's never clear what he becomes famous for, since he doesn't rap and other people do the dancing. He does do a halfway decent job on one song ("Smooth Talker"), but it's a straight 80s ballad, nothing at all to do with rap.

Anyway, you get the idea; it's the standard "talented guy gets famous and forgets his real friends until he has an epiphany" plot, except that he's not particularly talented, and he continues to treat his friends like crap. Basically, he remains a self-centered, misogynistic, homophobic jerk, who you kind of want to fail.

How to rate it? It's definitely not good, and while it has some "so bad it's good" charm, there are much better movies by that yardstick as well.
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