Review of Underwater

Underwater (2020)
4/10
Even my low expectations were unmet
28 January 2020
Warning: Spoilers
The thing about AMC's new "A-List" program is that you get to see a lot of movies that you wouldn't otherwise risk $10 on, and sometimes are pleasantly surprised. "Underwater" was not one of those.

The folks saying this was "Alien under the sea" really need to go back and watch "Alien." I'm sure the director had hoped his film would come off that way, but this dreck didn't even competently rip off the superior movie. Jumping into the action practically before the credits ended, there was never ANY character development, meaning you really have no reason to give a damn when a character dies.

Dark lighting and "shaky cam" were probably rationalized as ways to enhance the mood (and maybe even worked for the aforementioned more gullible and undemanding viewers) but were most likely simply budget-cutting measures, to prevent too close an examination of the cheesy monsters.

One simple measure that should have been taken would have been to make the diving suits different colors. At some points it's difficult to determine who is being dragged off to end his or her participation in the movie. Fortunately, by that point you no longer care.

It's been said MANY many times before, but apparently it bears repeating. Hollywood, pay attention: KRISTIN STEWART CANNOT ACT. Look at her face in the movie poster at the top of this page: that is exactly how she expresses any emotion, whether love, hate, joy, fear, envy, lust, etc. It is beyond me why directors keep casting this piece of wood in starring roles, when they might just as well cast a nobody and put her in a Kristin Stewart Halloween mask. I was hoping to at least see her killed off, to prevent any chance of her appearing in a sequel, but I don't think there's any danger of that anyway. Spoiler alert: she does get killed at the end, but it was not satisfying, except to mark the end of a wasted couple of hours. And right to the point she blew herself up, she steadily maintained the expression of someone in the recovery room after a session of electroshock.

Ah well, at least I didn't have to pay for it.
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