Paranoid (I) (2000)
3/10
It seems I don't love Alba quite enough
7 August 2022
A model (Jessica Alba) goes to a private party, somewhere in the English countryside, where she is drugged and imprisoned. A voyeur from the building across the street from hers, who regularly watches her with binoculars, notices her disappearance and comes on a rescue mission.

The kidnapper's (GoT's Jorah Mormont) motives aren't the clearest, aside from being an obvious sociopath, her reactions are also pretty unconvincing, and the kidnapper's housemates (Criminal Minds' Alex Blake, Coupling's Jane, Trainspotting's Spad) are mostly brainless. This does not have even H of a horror film, and it could hardly be classified as a psychological drama or thriller, because the characters are dull and there is not even a trace of tension. The script and its realization are tragically amateurish, on the level of a television movie of a very low-budget studio.

The reason I watched it in the first place was Jessica Alba, and Jessica Alba turned out to be the only thing worth seeing in the film, and only in a purely aesthetic (not to say sexual) sense. Everything else, both essentially and technically, is rubbish and a total waste of time.

3/10.
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