5/10
Red, Black, and Blue
4 July 2023
Warning: Spoilers
July 4 was deemed Independence Day when the United States of America fought for and obtained their independence, and each year we observe this holiday in honor of our becoming a nation of freedom. Of course, modern day Fourth of July is only known for two things: fireworks and eating, and Edgar Kennedy is going to experience the former in abundance when he gets stuck taking a bunch of children on a picnic. Yes, I include his wife and brother in-law in that category. It all started on the afternoon of July 4 where a neighbor's two rotten kids kept setting off firecrackers, and when one hits their father squarely in the bum, he begins whacking their bums in return. Edgar sees the display while packing his car to go on a picnic (at least this time he doesn't have gout, but will still experience his fair share of pain nonetheless) and goes to remind his neighbor that the Fourth of July comes but once a year and that it's a kids' day. He goes on to state that he wishes he had a couple of kids. Oh, Edgar, be careful what you wish for, because then Charlie sticks him with his two boys for the day. Despite his protests that he was going out in the country on a picnic, he still finds himself the babysitter of the two hellions, who were at that moment sticking a lit firecracker in Edgar's mailbox. When he discovers this, he runs off, just before it detonates... and wouldn't you know it, the police happen to be driving by at that exact moment. Never fails. I don't think Al Capone had as much trouble with cops as Edgar Kennedy has. He gets his ticket for setting off firecrackers in a mailbox without a license, just as Brother and Flore... er, I mean, Sally come out of the house with the picnic basket. They all get in Edgar's car and get on their way. En route, there's a funny gag where Brother sets off some of the fireworks and uses vocal sound effects like an early version of Michael Winslow from Police Academy to make Edgar think he blew a tire. Yeah, this is going to be a very, very long day.

Meanwhile, the military was planning to test some of their heavy artillery at a private lot dubbed Pleasant Oaks. Guess they have their own ways of celebrating, but then, this was a few months shy of World War II, so I guess it was good to be prepared just in case. Oh, and Pleasant Oaks just happens to be the place Edgar and co choose to have their picnic. Despite the sign out front clearly saying "private property", Brother tells him to go in anyway. This reminds me of a scene from W. C. Fields' "It's a Gift" where they drive into a rich man's yard, thinking it's a park, and make a mess of the place. Wanna bet the Kennedy gang will do the same? But at least Fields' family wasn't bombarded with artillery, though I doubt he would've minded if they took out his awful wife and kids, but anyway, no sooner do they drive in the gate do a couple of soldiers ride up on motorbike and close and lock it. Funny, if they were going to test a bunch of explosives in a wide open space, you'd think they would've made sure the gate was locked much sooner. But then I guess they figured nobody would be coming out that way and if they were, they wouldn't be so thoughtless as to trespass onto private property. However, we wouldn't have a movie if anybody had a brain and we're already extremely thin on plot as it is. So once the gang is set up for their picnic, Sally realizes she forgot the milk. Luckily, Brother spotted a cow pasture not too far away and goads Edgar into showing off his supposed farming skills and go milk it. He does so and... well, unfortunately the copy I watched has a few minutes removed, so we go from Edgar finally taking the lid off the bucket to him chasing Brother back to Sally. Since neither man is covered in milk, I can only assume Brother kept pushing Edgar until he finally lost patience and chased him away. Back at the picnic, Edgar unloads the dishes from the car, as these were the days before paper plates, and brags how he used to bus tables in restaurants, stacking 150 dishes in one hand, and when Brother suggests he used the other hand to pick up the pieces, it tempts fate and makes Edgar drop the dishes he was holding. In the next act of Punish Edgar, one of the firecracker brothers lights one under a stone pot, and it goes flying through the air and lands directly on Edgar's head. Wow, impressive aim. It gets stuck on his giant cranium, and one of the boys' solution in removing it is sticking a 'cracker in the top. Man, these kids are going to grow up to be pyromaniacs, I can see it now. Just have Edgar bash his head against a tree, that should work. Even that giggling idiot Brother could do that, instead of standing around and being a smart-ass. I'd like Edgar to tie Brother to a tree, take one of the boys' lit firecrackers and stick it where the sun don't shine. So, does the mini explosive remove the pot? Yes, and when he charges at a laughing Brother, he topples the picnic table. Those kids and their lousy firecrackers, even though Edgar told them earlier not to set any more off, but Sally tells him in light of the holiday, they can shoot off all they want. Sally... shut up. Anyway, speaking of setting things off, the military begins Operation: Demolish Pleasant Oaks and opens fire. After a few mortar blasts go off around him, Edgar has a look at the paper and realizes what was going on. Gee, it's too bad he didn't read that paper earlier in the day. No matter, they're under attack! They run for the car, but a bomb destroys it, leaving the three of them lying dazed and bemused in the rubble, and just to rub it in, the radio reports that this was safest and sanest Fourth in years.

So that was A Quiet Fourth, though it was anything but. It's very light on plot, even by Edgar Kennedy shorts standards. It's the usual: he's trying to do something nice and relaxing, and his awful family spoil it. Add two rotten kids to the mix, and you've got a recipe for disaster. One of those boys was in Mutiny in the County, another short were pint-sized punks made Edgar's life a living hell. And was one of those boys named Darwin? Ironic, as I'm sure he's going to be a Darwin Award winner when he grows up. This is another short where Sally Payne filled in for Florence Lake and was apparently encouraged to mimic Lake and her mannerisms as much as possible. I don't know why they did that. If Edgar has a different wife, have her act a differentway. They never pushed Vivien Oakland to imitate Florence Lake, so why did Sally Payne, Irene Ryan, and Pauline Drake? That's Charlie Hall playing Edgar's suffering neighbor, and as you may know, he was quite the foil for Kennedy as well as Laurel and Hardy. Yeah, it seems Edgar can never go on a picnic without some sort of disaster happening. This Fourth of July, as you're grilling food and setting off fireworks... but do it responsibly, not like the punks in this short... why not look back on this classic from 1941? I recommend A Quiet Fourth, as quiet as possible.
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