I'm not a fan of Eurotrash, but I have a closet full of the garbage for some reason.
There's even 'Strip Nude for Your Killer' on the floor to my right.
I remember as a kid, the poster for 'Bloody Moon' used to greet you with the big blade and those ladies terrified eyes. I always got it confused with the poster of Pam on the meat hook.
Didn't Gary Daniels make a movie with the same title as this film?
With a worried look on her face, Christina Ricci is instructed by a blood moon to party-crash a disco ball. Disco in the 80s?
What looks like Bill Paxton walks around hideously sporting a burnt egg around his eye?
Mickey Mouse takes home a working girl; the mask slips off and reveals the egg-face guy; and the title screen claims the movie is called 'Die Sage des Todes.' In the tradition of spaghetti westerns, the actors mouths are out of sync.
The guy with a burnt egg on his face does a one-minute sentence in a loony bin for murder and is no sooner released and back among the public, desiring more flesh.
He's probably a decoy in this movie, as the killer from 'The Burning' just torched a witch for no good reason.
A language class cuts the English-speaking audience out at the 15-minute mark as they're speaking either Spanish or Italian.
"A capital offense ending in R," asks one actress participating in a pop quiz. I'll answer that for you, toots. Try this movie.
The omelet-face guy looks like someone rasped it with a cheese grater a few times.
The Euros just didn't know how to build suspense for horror movies.
They've all got that same "guessing game" whodunit quality about them.
This movie is like the board game Clue.
Was this the influence for 'Scream?' Another decoy throws the viewer off in the form of Billy Zane. He's not the killer. Don't be so gullible, McFly.
It's obviously a woman who's the killer.
It looks like Daisy Duke plays Angela in this, and the movie's doing everything within its power to kill her off, but she eludes all slippery scenarios.
The weirdo with the fish skin patch on his face looks like someone trod in dog poop and left a boot imprint.
He's definitely scandalous, as he's infatuated with his own sister and dangerously close to the precipice of her goodies.
The incestual sister stares at the moon naked, and she gets a pass mark.
I don't know about her bangs, though. She looks too Beatles-like.
The Euro's had a different way of interpreting our intricacies.
Their expressions are so fundamental and straight-forward.
And for heaven's sake, why does this movie keep looping this stupid guitar strum over and over? It's annoying. There it goes again! Every time it plays, I picture a dog about to be put down, and it blinks in a plea to give it a second chance.
To add some more drama to the Eurotrash, He-Man throws a foam boulder down a cliff in an attempt to euthanize Angela.
Animal cruelty? The beheading of a live snake? Was that necessary?
They're playing that damn dying puppy dog music again!
Was that giant bandsaw scene supposed to be shocking? That head was faker than the Morris brothers ones.
Now, this scene here with the little boy running for his life is what's shocking in this movie.
Did that really just happen? Imagine a modern-day director re-enacting that scene today.
Don't you get to see this Angela chick naked? Come on, lady, take a shower. Show the goods.
Wow, listen to her scream at the end.
In typical European fashion, the killer's wearing a black mask over his head. That's every European horror movie! If not a mask, then a stocking or helmet.
This Angela chick is over-acting her part in the drama stakes.
Egg Face, the masked killer, and Billy Zane all come together at the end, and I don't even care who's revealed as the killer in a minute.
The director has confused both himself and the audience in his attempt to be nifty.
The incestuous sister and Steve Sanders are thick as thieves who are in cahoots to inherit money or estate, so this was all over greed.
Why do they have to kill innocent coeds in order to obtain their goal?
Just frame the idiot sporting the burnt egg on his face with one murder, and all's good.
It's all happening here, folks. Egg Face is killed by Daisy Duke, Incestual Sister kills 90210 with a low-voltage hedge trimmer, and now Daisy Duke and Incestual Sister are cutting a deal to split the riches.
Egg Face raises from the dead sporting a shiv in his neck, as that's the latest chic fashion.
He strangles his incestual sister in two seconds.
Shoddy editing is choppy, and the dying puppy dog music is quickly inserted to roll the credits.
What trash.
There's even 'Strip Nude for Your Killer' on the floor to my right.
I remember as a kid, the poster for 'Bloody Moon' used to greet you with the big blade and those ladies terrified eyes. I always got it confused with the poster of Pam on the meat hook.
Didn't Gary Daniels make a movie with the same title as this film?
With a worried look on her face, Christina Ricci is instructed by a blood moon to party-crash a disco ball. Disco in the 80s?
What looks like Bill Paxton walks around hideously sporting a burnt egg around his eye?
Mickey Mouse takes home a working girl; the mask slips off and reveals the egg-face guy; and the title screen claims the movie is called 'Die Sage des Todes.' In the tradition of spaghetti westerns, the actors mouths are out of sync.
The guy with a burnt egg on his face does a one-minute sentence in a loony bin for murder and is no sooner released and back among the public, desiring more flesh.
He's probably a decoy in this movie, as the killer from 'The Burning' just torched a witch for no good reason.
A language class cuts the English-speaking audience out at the 15-minute mark as they're speaking either Spanish or Italian.
"A capital offense ending in R," asks one actress participating in a pop quiz. I'll answer that for you, toots. Try this movie.
The omelet-face guy looks like someone rasped it with a cheese grater a few times.
The Euros just didn't know how to build suspense for horror movies.
They've all got that same "guessing game" whodunit quality about them.
This movie is like the board game Clue.
Was this the influence for 'Scream?' Another decoy throws the viewer off in the form of Billy Zane. He's not the killer. Don't be so gullible, McFly.
It's obviously a woman who's the killer.
It looks like Daisy Duke plays Angela in this, and the movie's doing everything within its power to kill her off, but she eludes all slippery scenarios.
The weirdo with the fish skin patch on his face looks like someone trod in dog poop and left a boot imprint.
He's definitely scandalous, as he's infatuated with his own sister and dangerously close to the precipice of her goodies.
The incestual sister stares at the moon naked, and she gets a pass mark.
I don't know about her bangs, though. She looks too Beatles-like.
The Euro's had a different way of interpreting our intricacies.
Their expressions are so fundamental and straight-forward.
And for heaven's sake, why does this movie keep looping this stupid guitar strum over and over? It's annoying. There it goes again! Every time it plays, I picture a dog about to be put down, and it blinks in a plea to give it a second chance.
To add some more drama to the Eurotrash, He-Man throws a foam boulder down a cliff in an attempt to euthanize Angela.
Animal cruelty? The beheading of a live snake? Was that necessary?
They're playing that damn dying puppy dog music again!
Was that giant bandsaw scene supposed to be shocking? That head was faker than the Morris brothers ones.
Now, this scene here with the little boy running for his life is what's shocking in this movie.
Did that really just happen? Imagine a modern-day director re-enacting that scene today.
Don't you get to see this Angela chick naked? Come on, lady, take a shower. Show the goods.
Wow, listen to her scream at the end.
In typical European fashion, the killer's wearing a black mask over his head. That's every European horror movie! If not a mask, then a stocking or helmet.
This Angela chick is over-acting her part in the drama stakes.
Egg Face, the masked killer, and Billy Zane all come together at the end, and I don't even care who's revealed as the killer in a minute.
The director has confused both himself and the audience in his attempt to be nifty.
The incestuous sister and Steve Sanders are thick as thieves who are in cahoots to inherit money or estate, so this was all over greed.
Why do they have to kill innocent coeds in order to obtain their goal?
Just frame the idiot sporting the burnt egg on his face with one murder, and all's good.
It's all happening here, folks. Egg Face is killed by Daisy Duke, Incestual Sister kills 90210 with a low-voltage hedge trimmer, and now Daisy Duke and Incestual Sister are cutting a deal to split the riches.
Egg Face raises from the dead sporting a shiv in his neck, as that's the latest chic fashion.
He strangles his incestual sister in two seconds.
Shoddy editing is choppy, and the dying puppy dog music is quickly inserted to roll the credits.
What trash.