Review of Napoleon

Napoleon (2023)
6/10
Josephine's minge.
21 February 2024
Napoleon 2023, Ridley Scott, Joaquin Phoenix.

The film of Napoleon's rise and fall, be it on the battle field or in the bedroom.

The key to the film is Napoleon's relationship wife Josephine (Vanessa Kirby) she is his object of desire and the woman who ultimately fails to give him a male heir which alas is her downfall.

Kirby is the star of the movie and she captivates both Napoleon and also the camera when she is present. A friend's candidly said the film should be called Josephine's minge., which does seem apt consider it is Bonaparte's "raison d'etre"

I have also been told by scholars of history that there are a lot of inaccuracies' in the movie. So if your understanding of Napoleon is from Waterloo by Abba be prepared to be disappointed.

The battle scenes are exhilarating and although there are some obvious CGI effects , it is still pretty exciting and gory as clearly was the case.

The key battle of Waterloo does lend itself to, a real life version of RISK, with allies and allegiances being and broken at the drop of a Napoleon's "bicorne" (hat) sadly the battles do not commence on a roll of a dice or a undeclared mission card but the whims of the kings and European generals, pontificating over wine and fine cheeses.

When Wellington is offered the opportunity by sniper, to take out Napoleon when in the line of fire, Wellington retorts "We Generals are far to busy to do things like that", presumably too busy to save the lives of 1000s of men in the process.

It is a flawed movie, grand in scale but the political infighting does make for an overlong movie.

To use the RISK analogy again it fails in its secret mission to conquer all of Europe and parts of North Africa, or destroy the British Empire which ever is easiest. 6/10.
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