Mame (1974)

Jane Connell: Agnes Gooch

Quotes 

• Mrs. Upson : Now we all know about these women things, don't we.Come down here and sit beside me.

  [Heavily pregnant Agnes sits down] 

  Mrs. Upson : Now, what's your name dear?

  Agnes : Gooch.

  Mrs. Upson : And what does Mr. Gooch do?

  Agnes : Oh, my father passed on.

  Mrs. Upson : No no, I meant your husband.

  Agnes : I'm a bachelor girl. My baby is going to be a little bas...

• Young Patrick : Can I slide down the banister?

  Mame : Well, why not.

  Young Patrick : My father would never let me.

  Mame : That's too bad. You must come from a dreadful family.

  Young Patrick : I only have one relative in the whole world.

  Mame : Oh, really, dear? And who is that?

  Young Patrick : You.

  Agnes : That's right.

  Mame : Who are you?

  Agnes : Agnes Gooch.

  Mame : That's impossible. You aren't coming until tomorrow. Your telegram clearly said December 1, and this is November 31. And everyone knows that thirty days hath September, April, June, and Nov - . Oh my GOD. I'm your Auntie Mame.