Why would anybody want to dig up this worm's awful dirt movie? This Dennis Rodman's movie deserve to be buried. Don't get me wrong, Dennis Rodman was an alright basketball player, known for his fierce defensive and rebounding abilities, but he should have never reach the level of popularity that he got in the 90s. He was a nightmare, most of the time. He became notorious for numerous controversial antics. I'm not talking about his repeatedly dyed his hair in artificial colors, piercing or tattoos, I'm talking about his regularly disrupted games by clashing with opposing players and officials, missing practice, and being a total ass. I guess, this 'Bad Boy' persona work for him, and he turn to films to launch him, even further. Dennis Rodman is not the worst athlete turn actor, I ever saw, surprising, but he's clearly not anywhere near the best like Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. There has only been one awesome tattoo cover, multi-color hair, black man named Simon and that's Simon Phoenix (Wesley Snipes) from the movie, 1993's Demolition Man. Sadly, this movie actor is not in that level. Directed by Kevin Elders, Simon Sez tells the story of Interpol agent Simon (Dennis Rodman) whom job is it, to gather up information about the weapons trade on the French Riviera and trying to pinpoint the man at its center. Meanwhile, Nick Miranda (Dane Cook) -- an old classmate of Simon's -- asks him for help. Nick needs to rescue his employer's daughter, Claire Fence (Natalia Cigliuti) who appears to have been kidnapped by the same people that Simon is tracking down. The pair must get to the bottom of the increasingly dangerous situation with the help of two cyber monks: Micro (John Pinette) & Macro (Ricky Harris) and a feisty woman (Emma Wiklund), to rescue the woman and save the day. While, the movie can be funny with it's over the top action, the supporting comedy relief characters are just unwatchable and unfunny. I really can't stand Dane Cook with the annoying over-used animal impressions. He's overstay his welcome with the bed humping scene. Others characters that I hate, are the Cyber Monks. They should never be in an action scene, nor should they ever dance again. How come, they're not the same cyber monks from 1997's Double Team if this movie is supposed to be a spin-off? Honestly, those monks were kinda cool. Still, it seems like much more than mere coincidence that Dennis Rodman starred in two movies that feature Cyber Monks. Honestly, whom idea was it to have Cyber Monks in the first place? Those monks look like Franciscan friars, judging by their robes. Franciscan friars aren't adverse to most aspects of modernity. What's next? Virtual Amish!? It's seem really a bit of contradicted to practice their religion. Anyways, these Cyber Monks, in this film are just lame and obnoxious as hell. I can do without all the fat 'Free Willy' jokes. Even the villain, Ashton (Jérôme Pradon) hams it up. He's so cartoony in his line delivery. Clayton Day as Claire's father, William Fence looks like Robert Redford. I saw that some people mistake it for him, at the time. I really did mistake him for Redford, at the time, as well. Sadly, the movie has no season good acting. All of them were pretty mediocre. This movie is so over the top schlock, anyways. The poor literacy misspell title is lame attempt to look cool. Sez? What's does Special economic zone have to do with Simon? The half-baked plot is just as generic as other B-list action films of the time with a lot of kidnapping and looking for a disk to take over the world. There is a lots of filler scenes just to increase the run time with pointless fight scenes and stunts. Lots of awful wire-works action, with poor-time jumps and kicks. The movie suffer from poor action/reaction cutting. The impact gets completely lost. There is also a lot of fights goofs that they left in. The late 90s CGI special effects in this film are very fake looking. Scenes like the tunnel or the robot bee look so phony. Even the explosion look pretty scale down, when badly done models blow up or actors walking around in clearly no hidden blue screens. Another headache scene is the strobe light sex scene with Dennis Rodman and Emma Wilklund. I felt like I was having a seizure, watching it. Overall: it's a really bad spy movie that put too much campy spy clichés in it. If you're a fan of stupid movies. Then, watch it. It does have some it's so bad, it's good moments. If you know what you're getting into, turn off your brain, sit back and enjoy it. If you're very smart. Avoid it at all cost. Trust me, I wish I didn't see this film.
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