Gilmore Girls (2000–2007)
Alexis Bledel: Rory Gilmore
Photos
Quotes
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Emily : You were on the phone?
Richard : Long distance.
Lorelai : God?
Richard : London.
Lorelai : God lives in London?
Richard : My mother lives in London.
Lorelai : Your mother is God?
Richard : Lorelai...
Lorelai : So, God *is* a woman.
Richard : Lorelai.
Lorelai : *And* a relative. That's so cool. I'm gonna totally ask for favors.
Richard : Make her stop.
Rory : Oh, that I could.
-
Jess : Hi.
Rory : Hey.
Jess : Hi.
Lorelai : Hi.
Jess : Hi.
Luke : Hi.
Rory : I have to get to school.
Jess : Yeah, me too.
Rory : Bye
Jess : Bye. Bye.
Lorelai : Bye.
Rory : Bye.
Lorelai : Bye.
Rory : Bye.
Luke : Bye.
[Jess and Rory leave]
Luke : What the hell was that?
Lorelai : That was episode one of Rory and Jess: The Early Years.
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Rory : [when Paris suddenly appears in front of Rory] God, you're like a pop-up book from hell!
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Lorelai : Heh, you know what I just realized? "Oy" is the funniest word in the entire world.
Rory : Hmm.
Lorelai : I mean think about it, you never hear the word "oy" and not smile. Impossible. Funny, funny word.
Emily : Oh dear God.
Lorelai : "Poodle" is another funny word.
Emily : Please drink your drink, Lorelai.
Lorelai : In fact, if you put "oy" and "poodle" together, in the same sentence, you'd have a great new catchphrase, you know? Like, "Oy with the poodles already."
Rory : Hehe.
Lorelai : So from now on, when the perfect circumstances arise, we will use our favorite new catchphrase:
Rory : Oy with the poodles already.
Lorelai : I'm telling you, it's knocking "Whatchu talkin' 'bout, Willis?" right out of first place.
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Rory : So, is this party Grandma's having going to be a big deal?
Lorelai : Not really. The government will close that day. Flags will fly at half-mast. Barbra Streisand will give her final concert... again.
Rory : Uh-huh.
Lorelai : Now, the Pope has previous plans, but he's trying to get out of them. However, Elvis and Jim Morrison are coming and they're bringing chips.
-
[after Logan's prank in front of her class]
Rory : I have no words...
Logan : It was just a joke!
Rory : Oh, no, wait. I thought of some. Jerk! Ass, arrogant, inconsiderate, mindless, frat-boy, low-life, butt-face, miscreant!
Logan : 'Butt-faced miscreant'!
Rory : Why would you do something like that?
Logan : I'm sorry, 'butt-faced miscreant'?
-
Lorelai : Mom, Dad, look. I know we've had our differences over where Rory should go to school, but that's behind us now. She's going to Yale, and, that's good. Really good
Rory : Nothing but smiles.
Lorelai : We're both really happy about it.
Rory : Both.
Lorelai : Her and me.
Rory : She and I.
Lorelai : Everybody in this room named Lorelai is over the moon about the going to Yale.
Rory : Which means that everybody else in this room not named Lorelai can be, equally over the moon about the going to Yale.
-
Lorelai : Schooch down now and go to sleep.
[she moves Rory's armchair]
Rory : What are you doing?
Lorelai : Nothing, just a little feng shui, go to sleep.
Rory : Mom, you don't have to sleep in here tonight.
Lorelai : I know, I just think the chair looks nice here.
Rory : And what's the blanket for?
Lorelai : In case the chair gets cold.
Rory : And the pillow?
Lorelai : To keep the blanket company.
Rory : Uh-huh.
Lorelai : Okay, everything's in its place. Chair seems warm, blanket seems happy, just one thing missing... oh yeah.
[sits down in chair]
Lorelai : Goodnight.
Rory : Freak of sideshow proportions.
Lorelai : I love you, too.
Rory : Mom?
Lorelai : Hmm?
Rory : I'm sorry.
Lorelai : Shh, the chair is trying to sleep.
-
Lorelai : Lately I've been having these dark premonitions.
Rory : About what?
Luke : [handing Rory and Lorelai their food] Dead cow... and dead cow.
Lorelai : That's weird.
Rory : He's always weird.
Lorelai : No, I mean my premonitions have been about death... about *my* death.
Rory : I don't want to hear this!
Lorelai : And the thing is, they're all silly.
Rory : What do you mean silly?
Lorelai : In one, I slip on a banana peel and fall into a giant vat of whipped cream.
Rory : Silly and fattening.
Lorelai : In another, a turtle eats me.
Rory : A turtle? How?
Lorelai : Very slowly. There's *lots* of chewing.
Rory : And in your premonition you didn't run away from what is perhaps the slowest land animal on earth?
Lorelai : His first bite injects me with immobilizing poison.
Rory : Well, you left that part out.
Lorelai : This last one's a little more gory. I'm hunting...
Rory : [interrupts] A favorite Lorelai Gilmore pastime.
Lorelai : ...and my shotgun backfires. My whole face spins around a bunch of times and winds up in the back of my head like Daffy Duck.
Rory : That's the silliest one yet!
Lorelai : Now if that's how I go, you have to promise to move my face back to the front of my head like Daffy did with his beak.
Rory : I should really be writing this down.
Lorelai : You can remember to move my face to the front of my head.
Rory : It depends on what I have going on that week.
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Rory : Please, just tell me why you're here.
Dean : I don't even know...
Rory : Yes, you do!
Dean : Because I thought that you? Oh, forget it.
Rory : No.
Dean : I thought you were trying to talk to me.
Rory : Oh?
Dean : I mean, you came to my house?
Rory : Oh, no that? that wasn't me.
Dean : It *was* you.
Rory : It must have been someone that looked like me...
Dean : My sister recognized you from the pictures in my box.
Rory : What box?
Dean : The box I have of us, pictures and letters from you and everything...
Rory : You have a Rory box?
Dean : And what was going on at that town meeting, all that stuff about writing a song?
Rory : I don't know what I was talking about...
Dean : And it had nothing to do with me?... Well, I must have imagined it all, then. Your boyfriend is waiting.
Rory : He's not my boyfriend, I *hate* him!
Dean : Whatever.
Rory : Dean!
Dean : What?
Rory : Stop!
Dean : Why?
Rory : Because I love you, you idiot!
-
Lorelai : Oh, hi. You really like my table don't you?
Joey : I was just, uh...
Lorelai : Getting to know my daughter.
Joey : Your...
Rory : Are you my new daddy?
Joey : Wow. You do not look old enough to have a daughter. No, I mean it. And you do not look like a daughter.
Lorelai : That's possibly very sweet of you, Joey. Thanks.
Joey : So... daughter. You know, I am traveling with a friend.
Lorelai : She's sixteen.
Joey : Bye.
-
[Rory has just met Paul, a younger man Lorelai once dated "casually" because he came into Luke's with his parents]
Lorelai : What?
Rory : Nothing.
Lorelai : Say it!
Rory : I've always wanted a little brother.
Lorelai : He looked older the other night.
Rory : How much older could he possibly look?
Lorelai : A lot! He's usually a little scruffy, and then the baseball cap hides the funky hair thing.
Rory : He should've been holding a yo-yo and a lollipop and wearing a beanie with a propeller on it.
Lorelai : He's in his twenties.
Rory : He must have been a very good boy to deserve such a happy day. I bet they let him ride a pony.
-
Lorelai : What happened? The reception on the phone sucked. All I heard was "Rory" and "Chilton" and "Get down here." Whose butt do I have to kick?
Rory : We didn't go to breakfast.
Lorelai : What are you talking about?
Rory : We came here. They broke into the headmaster's office as the big initiation.
Lorelai : Ugh, those stupid girls.
Rory : Uh huh. Part of the initiation was ringing a bell. So, that's what I was doing when security showed up and they called you.
Lorelai : That's what you got busted for? That's it? Bell-ringing?
Rory : Yes.
Lorelai : Were you at least smoking a Cuban cigar while you were doing it?
Rory : Mom.
Lorelai : No, I mean, "bad girl, how many times have I told you not to ring bells?"
Rory : [interrupting] Let's go.
Lorelai : [continuing] "They can dent, or scratch, and they make dogs go crazy. Who do you think you are, the Hunchback of Notre Dame? Are you French? Circular? I don't think so."
Rory : I'm walking to the car now.
Lorelai : [later] Was it a big bell at least?
-
Rory : [to Logan as they enter his house for dinner] Remind me to tell you about the time my mom wore her rhinestone penis T-shirt to dinner and Grandma had her car towed.
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Jess's New Girfriend : Hi.
Jess : Hi.
[they kiss]
Jess's New Girfriend : So?
Jess : One sec.
Jess's New Girfriend : Jess!
Jess : Relax!
[closes his book, turns to Luke]
Jess : I'm out!
Rory : Ladies and gentlemen, an entire conversation in one word sentences.
Dean : [walks into Luke's] OK, don't hate me, but I already ate breakfast.
Lorelai : See, nice, full sentences.
Dean : What?
Rory : Don't ruin it.
Dean : OK...
-
[about new school]
Rory : One of the girls already hates me. The guys are weird.
Lorelai : Weirder than other guys?
Rory : Yeah, they kept calling me Mary.
Lorelai : You're kidding me. Wow, I can't believe they still say that.
Rory : Why? What does it mean?
Lorelai : It means like, Virgin Mary. It means they think you look like a goody-goody.
Rory : You're kidding.
Lorelai : No.
Rory : Well what would they have called me if they thought I looked like a slut?
Lorelai : Well, they might have added a Magdalene to it.
Rory : Wow. Biblical insults. This is an advanced school.
-
Paris : I pierced my nose. And within an hour of having it done, my nose swelled up to four times its normal size, blocking all nasal passage, making it impossible to breathe. I went to the emergency room, where they pried the thing out of my nose and shot me up with antibiotics. I spent the night with an ice pack strapped to my face.
Rory : Oh, Paris.
Paris : It seems that I was allergic to the crap metal hoop that I paid $19.95 to have jammed into my nose.
Louise : Did you take a picture?
Paris : No, Louise, I did not take a picture. I was a little busy trying to get air to my brain cells, a burden you've not yet faced.
-
Rory : [Logan just called Rory his "girlfriend" for the first time] You OK over there? Do you need a glass of water or... a time machine?
-
Lorelai : Okay, I'm lying in bed and I'm sleeping and I'm wearing this fabulous nightgown, and like thirty alarm clocks go off, and so I get out of bed and I walk downstairs, and there, standing is the kitchen, is Luke.
Rory : Was he naked?
Lorelai : No. He was making breakfast.
Rory : Naked?
Lorelai : Ok, you have been in Washington for way too long.
-
Lorelai : Hey, Luke.
Luke : I'm in bed. I have ten more minutes to sleep. Not a lot of time in the grand scheme of things, but still, ten minutes is ten minutes. You know what I mean.
Lorelai : Sure, yeah.
Rory : Ten minutes is great.
Luke : And then the phone rings, and it just rings and rings and rings and rings, so I pick it up.
Lorelai : And then hopefully got your hearing checked.
Luke : Can I finish my story?
Lorelai : I'm just saying, that's a lot of rings.
Luke : And on the other end of the phone is someone named John who says he's Kyle's father, and Kyle threw a party last night without permission. And two guys got into a fight and tore the place apart, so John wants me to come down and take a look at the damage and discuss some sort of solution to the problem of the damages. Now, I don't know John, and I certainly don't know Kyle, but I do know someone who would get into a fight at a party and leave the place completely trashed. It's a wild guess, but I think his name rhymes with Tess. So here I am, heading in there to talk to John about Kyle and discuss what is to be done about the Hummel.
Lorelai : The what?
Luke : Exactly.
[walks away]
-
Tristan : And she's reading again. How novel.
Rory : Good-bye, Tristan.
Tristan : Did you get the novel thing? Because...
Rory : I said good-bye.
Tristan : What are you doing here?
Rory : I like lines.
Tristan : The guy's supposed to buy the tickets.
Rory : Really. Does Susan Faludi know about this?
Tristan : Unless of course there is no guy.
Rory : There's a guy
Tristan : A Cheap guy.
Rory : Well, what can I say? I like 'em cheap. Sloppy too - bald spot, beer gut, you know, and the pants that kind of slip down in the back, giving you that good plumber shot. That sends me through the roof.
Tristan : So who is he?
Rory : How many languages can you say 'none of your business' in.
Tristan : Does he go to this school?
Rory : No, he doesn't.
Tristan : Uh-huh. Well, look, OK, I'll confess something to you. I don't have a date.
Rory : Well I hear Squeaky Fromme is up for parole soon. You should keep a good thought.
-
Lorelai : My life stinks. Hey, let's look into each other's eyes and say "I wish I were you" at exactly the same time - maybe we'll pull a Freaky Friday.
Rory : Or we can just pretend that we did and you can go around acting really immature. Oh, wait...
Lorelai : I can't believe you won't switch bodies with me.
Rory : Forget it. Then I'd have to date Kirk.
-
Lorelai : Okay, I think we just found the first room in the history of the world that would've made Liberace say 'Whoa. Step back. No one's that gay.'
Lorelai : I have earned the right not to be quizzed about my social life by my sixteen-year-old daughter.
Rory : I thought I was your best friend.
Lorelai : When we're at a U2 concert, you are my best friend. But right now you are my sixteen-year-old daughter and I am telling you I do not want to have this conversation.
-
Lorelai : 'Mom, I'm getting married.' I'm an idiot. And you know, as my mouth was opening my mind was screaming, 'Don't do it, I mean it, you'll regret it.' But did my mouth listen?
Rory : No.
Lorelai : No. And it opened and the words came out, and Emily was Emily, and my mouth was stunned. And my mind said 'I told you so.' And then my mouth got mad because no mouth like's to have it's nose rubbed in it. And now my mind and my mouth aren't talking, and it'll be weeks before we can get the boys together again.
Rory : Your mouth has a nose?
-
Lorelai : Ladies never get their own eggrolls. Ladies never get their own anything. They don't even get their own ideas.
Rory : Oh boy.
Lorelai : They just sit helplessly and wait for some young strong man to come by and assist them. They don't step in puddles, they don't step over puddles. They can't even look at puddles. They actually need to be blindfolded and thrown in a sack and carried over puddles.
Rory : Isn't there a moratorium on how long ladies are supposed to talk?
Lorelai : Uhh, no.
-
Lorelai : I would reconsider calling Dean. It's not his fault that you're so fabulous he can't think about anything else.
Rory : Bye Mom.
Lorelai : I mean, he just sits in his room, eating Froot Loops out of the box, saying your name over and over and over.
Rory : Time is ticking.
Lorelai : Rory, I love you Rory. Rory, I will not be ignored Rory...
-
Rory : [She is being stared at in the diner] I feel like a used car.
-
Rory : Hi, I'd like a large caramel macchiato with an extra shot and whipped cream, please.
Coffee vendor : Coming up.
Rory : Wait, hold on, how much is that?
Coffee vendor : $4.85.
Rory : Okay, better drop the extra shot. What does that make it?
Coffee vendor : $4.20.
Rory : Better make it a small. What does that make it?
Coffee vendor : $3.30.
Rory : Better drop the whipped cream, what does that make it?
Coffee vendor : Less calories.
Rory : Just a plain old small coffee, please.
-
[Lorelai has to model in a charity event for Booster Club that her mother made her get involved in]
Lorelai : Ugh, they totally just snuck that modeling thing in.
Rory : Hmm, my mom's a model. Maybe you'll get to date Leonardo DiCaprio now.
Lorelai : Plus, now I have to plan the whole stupid thing.
Rory : Lorelai Gilmore. Nope, doesn't sound model-y enough. You need something that stands out more. How about Waffle. We could call you Waffle and say you're from Belgium.
Lorelai : [dialing on her cell phone] Okay, I'm crabby, I need to do something about it.
[on phone]
Lorelai : Hey Mom!
Emily : Well, hello.
Lorelai : So I went to my first Booster meeting last night, did Bitty tell you?
Emily : No, she did not.
Lorelai : Oh, well, maybe she's still stuck under that desk. You might want to send someone out there to look.
Emily : Well, it's certainly nice to hear you finally getting involved.
Lorelai : Yes, in fact we're planning a charity fashion show next weekend, and I volunteered to organize it.
Emily : Well, good for you.
Lorelai : Yes, and since I know how concerned you are about how Rory's perceived at Chilton, I knew you'd want to be involved somehow, so you're gonna be one of the models.
Emily : Excuse me?
Lorelai : Yeah, so it's next Saturday, be there at four, and we'll provide hair and makeup.
Emily : Lorelai, you can't be serious.
Lorelai : Oh, and we'll need your measurements also.
Emily : This is ridiculous.
Lorelai : Mom. You said you wanted me to be involved. Well, I'm involved, now don't you want to do your part to ensure Rory's future?
Emily : All right.
Lorelai : Start measuring.
[hangs up]
Rory : You feel better now?
Lorelai : Waffle's very happy.
-
Lorelai : There goes my little girl, off to rule the world!
Rory : Paris will be ruling the world, I will be holding the keys.
Lorelai : Wow, you're pretty, you're smart. Now all you need as a drunken relative behind the scenes embarrassing you with every move they make.
Rory : Will you get on that?
Lorelai : I'm two steps ahead of you.
-
Lorelai : Hey, I should bring steak sauce, right?
Rory : For what?
Lorelai : Pizza.
Rory : I just got back from Italy.
Lorelai : So?
Rory : So they'd shoot you in Italy for that.
Lorelai : Ah, but this is America, where we unapologetically bastardize other countries' cultures in a gross quest for moral and military supremacy.
Rory : I forgot. Bring on the imperialistic condiments.
-
Lane : The very concept of childbirth is vaguely disturbing.
Rory : Yeah. Kids are cool and all, but getting there seems like a big cosmic joke.
Lane : Definitely thought up by a man.
Rory : My mom said that when she told me where babies come from.
Lane : My mom still hasn't told me.
Rory : Really?
Lane : When my cousin got pregnant, she said it's because an angel brushed its wings against her face.
Rory : I could fill you in on the details sometime if you want.
Lane : No thanks, I've picked it up off the streets.
-
Lorelai : Oh, but I got here early and there was nothing to do except feed gummy bears to the bomb-sniffing dogs which, apparently, the United States government frowns upon.
Rory : You got in trouble with the government while you were waiting for me?
Lorelai : Just a little.
Rory : How much is a little?
Lorelai : Learn Russian.
-
Rory : [to Lorelai] What am I doing? I'm ranting. You should recognize this, I learned it from you.
-
Taylor : Could this meeting be more disrupted?
Lorelai : I could do a soft shoe.
Rory : Yeah, while I pound out a beat on the bongos.
Babette : Ooh, that sounds like fun.
Miss Patty : I got bongos in the back.
-
Rory : Before I knew it, Grandma was telling me how important it is for a person to be properly presented to society.
Lorelai : Ugh.
Rory : And how every young girl dreams of this day.
Lorelai : Agh.
Rory : And how there are flowers.
Lorelai : Oh Lord.
Rory : And music.
Lorelai : Please.
Rory : And cake.
Lorelai : Oh yeah, the cake's actually good.
-
[Luke has hired a new waiter]
Rory : Oh, my god.
Lorelai : What?
Rory : He hired Brennon Lewis.
Lorelai : And?
Rory : Ew!
Lorelai : He doesn't look that bad.
Rory : He's the boy who dissected a frog, did not wash his hands, and then ate a sandwich.
Lorelai : Ew!
Rory : He's like the lost Farrelly brother. He's so stupid. He watched 'The Breakfast Club' and decided to tape his own butt cheeks together.
-
Lorelai : So, apparently, I'm now the Reigning Lorelai.
Rory : Huh. I guess you are.
Lorelai : It's a lot of responsibility.
Rory : Well, sure.
Lorelai : I mean, it's mostly ceremonial stuff nowadays. Declaring knighthoods, opening supermarkets. But now and then, you get to banish someone or pose for a stamp.
Rory : Neat. And coins.
Lorelai : Yeah, and coins. You know, someday you'll be the Reigning Lorelai.
Rory : I don't like that idea!
Lorelai : Why not? You get a cape.
Rory : Because if I'm the Reigning Lorelai, then that means you'll be gone.
Lorelai : Gone? No, not me. I'll step down way before that. I'm not going to pull a Queen Elizabeth on you, make you wait around forever, force you to develop interests in polo and architecture.
Rory : I am scared of horses.
Lorelai : I know that.
Rory : So there's a cape, huh?
-
Marty : Okay. I actually snagged us some caviar. They were all out of toast points, but I think we can use Doritos and achieve a very similar result.
[notices Anna]
Marty : Hey.
Rory : This is Anna.
Marty : [gasps excitedly] Did Paris move?
Paris : [from behind] I'm right here, Marty.
Marty : I know, Paris.
-
Marty : Okay. I remember something about Rome. Rome. Rome. Romans live there. Audrey Hepburn took a holiday there. It's the name of a B52s song.
Rory : Different Rome.
Marty : Okay. That's it. I can't remember. College is breaking my spirit. Every single day telling me things I don't know, it's making me feel stupid.
-
[regarding Kirk]
Rory : He was always a cat person. He just never had a cat.
-
Rory : I can go from zero to studying in less than sixty seconds.
-
[on Paris's relationship with Asher Fleming]
Paris : I'm not denying that we've got a May-December romance going on here.
Rory : This is not May-December, this is May - Ming Dynasty.
Paris : An age difference like this is very common. People dating people the same age are passe now.
Rory : My grandfather introduced you to him. Do you see how awkward this is for me?
Paris : Well, hot men tend to run in packs.
Rory : Do not ever say anything like that again.
-
Rory : Can we not say the word college for at least forty-eight hours?
Lorelai : Fine.
Rory : Thank you.
Lorelai : How 'bout collage, can we say collage? 'Cause it sounds the same but it's actually very different.
Rory : Collage is fine.
Lorelai : Okay, good, 'cause I don't even know how to get through a conversation without the word collage.
-
Rory : I have to perform Act Five of "Romeo and Juliet" with Paris, Madeline and Louise.
Lorelai : Really?
Rory : Paris has appointed herself as director.
Lorelai : Nice. What part are you playing?
Rory : I don't know yet. She's still mulling over the screen tests right now. We're gonna find out tomorrow.
Lorelai : Screen tests?
Rory : 24 takes.
Lorelai : Ah, I so want a copy.
Rory : Forget it.
Lorelai : Sell it on the Internet, make a fortune. 'First we brought you Pamela and Tommy Lee, now prepare yourselves for the crazy antics of Rory and the Bard.'
Rory : Oh, and I told Paris that you would make all of our costumes so she wants to have a concept meeting with you tomorrow at three.
Lorelai : What?
Rory : Yeah, she needs a resume and samples of your previous work and, uh, referrals.
Lorelai : And my bare butt to kiss?
Rory : If you think that will set you apart from the other applicants, yes.
-
[regarding Lorelai's birthday party]
Rory : Oh, I'm sorry. You wanted a party? I told everyone you didn't want to make a big deal out of your birthday this year.
Lorelai : You're not funny.
Rory : Ms. Patty and Babette wanted to hire these two hot guys to carry you around all day and feed you Bon-Bons, and Kirk wanted to hire the Red Hot Chili Peppers to play a concert in the square, but I said "Hey, please, respect the lady's wishes. She deserves that at her age.'"
Lorelai : Why are you so cruel to mama?
Rory : I have to go.
Lorelai : Where?
Rory : None of your business.
Lorelai : You *are* planning something for Friday night, aren't you?
Rory : I'll bring back Chinese for dinner.
Lorelai : And you tell people, no matter what they say, I just couldn't accept a new car. It would be beneath me and I would be completely humiliated. And a convertible would just make me fling myself off a building!
Rory : Bye.
-
Lorelai : Kirk asked me out.
Rory : Shut up!
Lorelai : Yesterday.
Rory : That's so sweet!
Lorelai : Rory!
Rory : What are you gonna wear? Ooh, you should wear your dress with the ponies on it, I bet he likes ponies.
Lorelai : You're not serious.
Rory : I bet you'll have a good time.
Lorelai : "Hello, headmaster Charleston, this is my stepdad, Kirk. Try not to make any sudden movements, he's a fear biter!"
Rory : OK, so how are you gonna let him down?
-
Lorelai : Boy, it's cold in here.
Rory : It's a lot colder where you're sitting.
Lorelai : Ugh. She's mad at me.
Rory : Yup.
Lorelai : Think she's gonna be mad at me all night?
Rory : Yup.
Lorelai : I guess I should go in there and talk to her.
Rory : Yup.
Lorelai : You wouldn't wanna go in there and talk to her for me?
Rory : Nope.
Lorelai : Good thing you don't get paid by the word.
Rory : The sooner you get in there, the sooner you get cheese.
Lorelai : Fine.
-
Rory : If we were caught smuggling hash over the border and we were thrown in some Turkish prison, wouldn't you want someone to know that we were in Turkey?
Lorelai : Where'd we get this hash we were smuggling?
Rory : You were at a café, you met a guy, he was sweet-talking you, he put the stuff in your purse when you weren't looking.
Lorelai : At least tell me he was cute.
Rory : He was not bad for a hash dealer.
-
[Having moved into the pool house, Richard now has his own valet/butler, Robert]
Rory : Do you think he's happy?
Lorelai : I do. I think he's very happy out here with his books and his special friend, Robert.
Rory : Don't be gross.
Lorelai : What? I'm just saying two grown men out here alone with Hungarian cheese and swim trunks...
Rory : Oh, jeez.
Lorelai : Don't be so puritanical. After all, Heather has two mommies.
-
Rory : Uhh, Barry Manilow.
Lorelai : Ugh, stop.
Rory : Looks like we made it...
Lorelai : Oh, yeah? Spice Girls.
Rory : Duran Duran.
Lorelai : Dido.
Rory : Olivia Newton John.
Lorelai : The Macarena. You and Lane for hours and hours, for weeks on end.
Rory : Hey, we were mocking. You can't mock the mocking.
Lorelai : All right. It's getting ugly. Let's stop.
Rory : Let's be friends again.
Lorelai : All right.
Rory : Hmm-hmm.
Lorelai : Stop it.
-
Rory : So how was in seeing Max last night?
Lorelai : Well...
Rory : No gory details.
Lorelai : Like I've ever shared that part of my relationship with you.
Rory : You've alluded, you've insinuated, you have tiptoed to the brink of impropriety.
Lorelai : Hm, that Chilton has taught you some big words.
Rory : That's kind of the point.
-
Lorelai : Hey, I'm studying in there...
Rory : I know.
Lorelai : Yeah. I have, like, 6,000 pages of case studies to memorize and this whole big test on the Wal-Mart phenomena coming up on Friday and because I have a life and a job and business school's not the only thing I have to concentrate on I'm behind, and I'll probably fail and then that little 18-year-old annoying gnat who sits behind me will get another 'A' and make that 'I'm smart you're dumb' fact to me for the rest of the week and I'll be very upset and will possibly cry.
Rory : The music's too loud.
Lorelai : Yes.
-
Rory : Yeah, as obvious as a man wearing sunglass with a dog selling pencils...
-
Paris : I can't do this.
Rory : What?
Paris : Date. I can't date. I'm not genetically set up for it.
Rory : Not true.
Paris : I get no pleasure out of the prospect or the preparation. I'm covered in hives, I've showered four times, and for what? Some guy who doesn't even have the brains to buy a Zagat so we don't wind up in a restaurant that's really just a front for a cocaine laundering ring?
-
Rory : Dean?... Dean, what are you doing here?
Dean : I'm leaving.
Rory : Don't go!
Dean : I shouldn't have come...
Rory : No, wait!
Dean : I feel like an idiot.
Rory : Why?
Dean : Because I come all the way out here and then I see you with *him*. That's just great!
Rory : No, Tristan was just...
Dean : I don't care.
Rory : No, listen...
Dean : He's got your books, Rory!
Rory : But he took them and he wouldn't give them back. Please, just tell me why you're here.
-
Rory : She's very up on traffic flow and rush hour and all that.
Lorelai : She's Rand McNally.
Rory : She should do traffic reports on the radio.
Lorelai : Hi, this is Sherry Tinsdale. Looks like there's a tie-up on the boulevard. They appear to be moving every building in Harvard University so now it's just one point three miles from my house. Nice job, guys.
Rory : You're awful.
Lorelai : Oh, and lots of cars stopped at a blue light on Garvey Avenue. Why a blue light? Well, 'cause blue's the new red.
-
Emily : Focus the picture Lorelai.
Lorelai : It is focused.
Rory : That's how it came out.
Emily : It's hurting my eyes.
Lorelai : Come on Mom, they're supposed to be a little arty.
Rory : Plus she doesn't know how to use her camera.
Lorelai : I've only had it six years.
Emily : It's like I have glaucoma.
-
[while studying for exams]
Rory : Okay. You should get back to your studying.
Lorelai : Fine. Oh, great.
Rory : What?
Lorelai : I think I've already forgotten everything I read in the last two hours.
Rory : No, you haven't.
Lorelai : Yes, I have. In fact, I may have forgotten everything that I've ever known. Child, what be your name?
Rory : Study.
-
Rory : [reading titles of travel books] "Selected Hotels of Europe," "Hotels, Restaurants and Inns of Great Britain and Ireland, 1986", "Myra Waldo's Travel and Motoring Guide to Europe, '78."
Lorelai : Wow, these will be an enormous help in planning our trip. Hey, you wanna go see the Berlin Wall?
Rory : Sounds great.
-
Rory : I need you, I need you here, I need you now. I cannot do this alone. I need my Mommy, and dammit, I don't care who knows it.
-
Rory : Janet's out jogging so I don't know what she thinks, but I have to hope she's pleased 'cause that girl's in shape and can kick my butt.
Lorelai : Well, just make sure there's something she likes on the TV when she gets home. Something soothing to runners - maybe something that goes in a circle over and over.
-
[Rory is supposed to be swiping ID cards for the cafeteria, but she is reading and not paying attention]
Glenn : Hey, Rory, if you're gonna completely ignore me, I might as well go hang out with my ex-girlfriend. Same thing.
Rory : Oh, sorry, Glenn.
[swipes his card]
Glenn : Everyone is going to be sorry one day - everyone.
Rory : You really gotta stop watching "Taxi Driver," Glenn.
-
Rory : [At a town council meeting] That woman's staring at me.
Lorelai : Oh, Mrs. Van-uppity? Well, maybe you're just her type.
Lorelai : [after the woman staring at Rory is introduced to give a speech] Hey, it's your future wife.
Rory : Shut up.
Lorelai : [Finally, as the meeting breaks up] Wait.
Rory : Why?
Lorelai : I wanna see if she asks you out.
-
Lorelai : [while on the phone with each other, Lorelei and Rory are watching their Roombas together] Is this more or less fun than watching the same TV show at the same time?
Rory : I think more.
Lorelai : If we were to die right now and decompose, they would vacuum us up. No one would ever know.
Rory : Freaky.
-
[Lorelai and Rory haven't seen each other in a while because of their busy schedules, and are talking on the phone about it]
Lorelai : I'm mad and needy, and I ended up going out to dinner alone with my parents, who bickered the whole time about which Beatle is alive and which is dead.
Rory : So, where'd they land?
Lorelai : John and Keith are dead. Paul and Bingo are still kicking.
-
Lane : [upset and exasperated with the results of her career aptitude test] Sales!
Rory : Lane.
Lane : Sales!
Rory : It's just a stupid test.
Lane : Lane Kim, you show a genuine aptitude for sales!
Rory : [trying to placate Lane] It doesn't mean anything!
Lane : [speaking even faster than normal] Hello, ma'am, I see you're eyeing the new Whipomatic! Nice Choice! This baby's right off the truck! And let me tell you if you're looking for something to fulfill all your whipping needs, you've come to the right place, because as Devo says, "When trouble comes along you must whip it!" As long as you whip it with a Whipomatic.
Rory : [bemused] Wow, you *are* good.
Lane : Stop it!
Rory : I'll take two.
Lane : I don't want to be in sales.
Rory : You don't have to be.
Lane : I want to be in something cool!
Rory : How about refrigerators?
Lane : You're not funny!
-
Kyon : What are we doing here?
Lane : I've tried to explain it to her but it is not working.
Rory : We are throwing my grandmother a bachelorette party.
Kyon : But she is married.
Rory : Yeah, but, they are doing it again.
Kyon : But why?
Rory : Because, they want to tell each other they love each other all over again.
Kyon : But why?
Rory : 'Cause they do.
Kyon : But why?
Rory : Because its fun.
Kyon : But why?
Rory : Because...
[looks at Lane]
Lane : Hey, you lasted one more "but why" than I did.
-
Emily : I'm sorry. You were on the phone?
Richard : Long distance.
Lorelai : God?
Richard : London.
Lorelai : God lives in London?
Richard : My mother lives in London.
Lorelai : Your mother is God?
Richard : Lorelai.
Lorelai : So, God *is* a woman.
Richard : Lorelai.
Lorelai : *And* a relative. That's so cool. I'm gonna totally ask for favors.
Richard : Make her stop.
Rory : Oh, that I could.
-
Lorelai : Hey, Kirk, discover a new freaky fetish?
Kirk : What?
Rory : Nothing. You buy a cat?
Kirk : Yup! I'm very excited.
Lorelai : You seem it. So what's all this?
Rory : I'm assuming there's nothing left in the store.
Kirk : Actually, there are a number of things left.
Rory : No, I meant, you seem to be buying a lot of stuff.
Kirk : Oh. Sorry. My excitement must be clouding my ability to judge comedic hyperbole.
-
Paris : So I told her, 'Look, Missy - '
Rory : You called your advisor 'Missy?'
Paris : It was attitudinal. I said I'm not taking AP Calculus from Henneman. I'm going with Branch. Branch is a graduate of MIT and Henneman went to Berkeley. Berkeley! I mean, he may have majored in math but what did he minor in? Bean sprouts? Forget it. And I'm telling my advisor all this, Mrs. Schlosser, and I look down in her trash can and there's this half-eaten banana in there. Nothing else. And I pictured her sitting in this shoe box of an office eating a banana all day by herself and I almost felt sorry for her. But then she questioned my judgment about Berkeley so I eviscerated her. I mean, she was welling up at the end, but she had the decency to hold it in until I was gone. I have enough faculty recommendations to run for student council, so I don't need her anyway. My locker's this way.
-
Brad : Through good times and bad, Chilton formed us, brought us hope, honed our insight, gave us encouragement. Though my time here was briefly interrupted by my period spent on Broadway hanging out with Stephen Sondheim, I still consider Chilton the most rewarding experience of my young life. Now it had always been my plan in closing to recite a short poem I'd written.
Louise : But you reconsidered.
Madline : Come on, Brad. Go out a winner.
Brad : But as I read it aloud, I realized the sentiments I wanted to share with my fellow students were better expressed in a favorite song of mine.
[sings]
Brad : Cherish is the word I use to describe... bong, bong. Bong, bong.
Rory : Oh, Brad.
-
Rory : So I was thinking that maybe we could move it from this Saturday to next Saturday?
Paris : Okay.
Madeline Lynn : What did she say?
Louise : What did you say?
Paris : I said okay.
-
Rory : Forget it, Jake, it's Chinatown.
-
Rory : So, is this party Grandma's having going to be a big deal?
Lorelai : Not really. The government will close that day. Flags will fly at half-mast. Barbara Streisand will give her final concert... again.
Rory : Uh-huh.
Lorelai : Now, the Pope has previous plans, but he's trying to get out of them. However, Elvis and Jim Morrison are coming and they're bringing chips.
-
Rory : ...I want you to come over here to this dresser, open up the top drawer and take out everything that you'd be embarrassed to be wearing during a car accident. Meet me downstairs. Move.
-
Rory : [to Lorelai] This from a woman with a Hello Kitty waffle iron.
-
Rory : Okay, I am planning this wedding without you. You will have no say and I may not even let you come.
-
Rory : [Paris is looking over Rory's shoulder while she's reading] Paris, please don't compare our reading times again. You're fast, I'm slow, enjoy your trophy.
-
Rory : Note to self: impulsive definitely does not work for me.
-
Luke : I'm closing down the diner for a couple of weeks and taking Nicole on a little trip.
Rory : Fun.
Luke : We're driving through Western Canada and then taking a cruise up to Alaska.
Rory : A cruise?
Lorelai : Intimate.
Luke : I guess. Is it?
Lorelai : [singing] The Love Boat.
Luke : What?
Lorelai : A cruise is a good spot to get down on one knee.
Luke : And do my ventriloquist act?
-
Rory : That had all the tact of a Nazi Storm Trooper.
-
Rory : [at town meeting, during the town-troubadour debate] ... sometimes you have something you need to say but you can't, because the words won't come out or you get scared or you feel stupid. So, if you could write a song and sing it, then you could say what you need to say and it would be beautiful and people would listen and you wouldn't make a complete idiot out of yourself. But all of us can't be songwriters, so some of us will never be able to say what we're thinking or what we want other people to know we're thinking, so we'll never be able to get the chance to make things right again...
-
Rory : Ishkabibble.
-
Anna : [after Rory shooed away two college guys, whining] Rory!
Rory : Anna!
Anna : Well that's not fair. You get to talk to boys!
Rory : What?
Anna : You were over there, talking to Marty.
Rory : [laughs] That's different. Marty's just a friend. Which is another great thing about college. You learn to have guy friends. Nothing romantic, just a good pal.
[Marty looks pained]
Rory : Those boys are not interested in your friendship, unless the word "friendship" is tattooed on your butt. Now drink your coffee.
[they take a sip]
Rory : It's good, huh?
