Mon, Sep 20, 2004
Former sports commentator Tony Kleinman is the comical star-half of a TV-life show presenter duo with ex-jock Bernie Widmer, loaded with sports angles and terminology. Tony also has a syndicated newspaper column in which he usually writes ironically about life from the viewpoint of a short, fat non-beauty, just like him. When Bernie teases Tony for always writing about his own appearance, he promises something different and comes up with the way his teenage daughter Megan treats her dad--as if--and lastly, even explicitly said, he knows nothing and is always wrong while 'even a broken-down clock is right twice a day'. When his wife Dana brings home a potential big-bucks sponsor for her zoo charity, Tony quickly chases him off by taking issue with the mere phrasing that he is 'surprisingly' funny and talented on his show. Tony's son Mickey, on the other hand, avoids all controversy, too absorbed by his studious reading to notice anything trivial, such as Dad attending his golf practice--except his mean kid sister Megan pinching him arm blue for not standing up for himself. Of course, Megan is livid to read Dad's funny piece, considering it an infringement on her privacy, as people get a clue about her underwear; she completely bans Dad from attending her soccer practices and games.
Mon, Sep 27, 2004
Tony's manhood is threatened from all sides. At work, studio boss Paul wants him and Bernie to make a more trendy, active opening, but his smaller O-size wrecks every single attempt. When Bernie tells how much tougher his father was on him, Tony decides that after too much talking to disrespectful Megan, it's time to punish her hammer-hard. Alas, he picks his battle wrong, feels guilty once he realizes, and finds her counter-offensive far more efficient: when she has her ears pierced again despite explicit paternal refusal, he grounds her for a month, but she concentrates on making life at home a living hell; even sweet sphinx Mickey, who systematically praises Dana for everything he eats or drinks, hides in his room, terrorized by the born bitch. Dana insists that Megan is just Tony's nasty teenage version and that they should talk it through.
Top-rated
Mon, Oct 4, 2004
Megan invites Bernie Widmer to her school's professional guest-speaker day and only "allows" her dad to join in with a long list of stringent conditions. Despite Will's warning that it's such a tough crowd, even senator-astronaut John Glenn was crying when booed away, Tony prepares a speech and bribes a kid to queue him a "spontaneous question", but they could both have spared themselves the trouble: everybody hangs on big ex-jock Bernie's lips and ignores O-shaped tiny Tony. Furious when Bernie also turns up at home just in time to scare off a nasty cheater, Tony takes it out on his partner on-air, making a total ass of himself, and walks off claiming he will no longer deprive his family of his priceless presence, which in fact is all but prized, barely welcome, and doesn't work out for him either.
Mon, Oct 11, 2004
When his studio has a camera problem, Tony drives home and persuades Dana to let him use her cellphone, but on the way back he gets distracted and wrecks the car, but Bernie introduces him to his exclusive mechanic Willie. Pending repairs and retrieval, Tony gets to drive NBA rebounder Dennis Rodman's cool 4x4, which is so huge that O-shaped Tony can barely climb aboard. The girls love the truck so much that even Megan now wants her "too embarrassing to be seen anywhere" father to driver her and her friends Jenny and Sarah everywhere, even to the big dance. Alas, Willie calls: the rust bin is repaired, and Dennis is back and wants his wheels.
Mon, Oct 18, 2004
Tony fears that Dana is no longer interested in him as a man, so he takes Bernie's advice to plan a romantic evening--to no avail. Meanwhile, TV focus-group results marking him as cuddly and non-threatening persuade him to turn on the macho during a power cut, but the caveman approach seems just as tranquilizing--and even Laird John Hamilton assumes that Tony and Bernie are a gay couple. Actually, Dana, has another reason..
Top-rated
Mon, Oct 25, 2004
When ever-gentle son Mickey literally swallows a bee, he and dad Tony decide to let him finish the last hole of his golf course before rushing him and the tournament cup to the hospital. Dana is appalled by such poor prioritizing but has bad news: Mickey's report card is a crushing testimony to his inability to combine top-level golf practice--his best shot at a college scholarship--with limited academic talent. Bernie makes Tony admit that any sports career is far too fragile to rely upon, but then Mickey, who has taken up hospital volunteer work, says he wants to be there when doctors save lives in ER, so Tony thinks he has his little heart set on medical studies. Alas, when proud pa interviews sonny dear on his own TV show, Mickey points out he wants to become a humble orderly: no college required. Yet at the hospital Tony sees that doing the shitty (bedpans!) jobs nobody wants makes both patients and his kind kid sincerely happy. Meanwhile. Megan maintains that if Mickey isn't forced to get good grades, she can slack off a little....lot.
Top-rated
Mon, Nov 8, 2004
Sick and tired of his wife outclassing him with cooler gifts Tony bets that he can do better for his pa Max's birthday. Since Max, who lives in Tampa, is addicted to the Weather Channel, Tony decides on surprise congratulations during a walk-on there. Alas, the station's executive producer Sal Vedetti expects a favor back: a formal dance date for his horrible daughter Loretta with Tony's cute boy Mickey, who is told that Grandpa's heroic war generation deserves a sacrifice out of gratitude, and bites the bitter apple. Alas, Max has an unexpected idea.
Mon, Nov 15, 2004
When Tony sees Megan's enormous cell-phone bill, he has enough of her selfishness and taking everything for granted, so he signs her up for a Big Buddy program for single-parented latchkey kids, where she is assigned as Big Sister to little Amy. So Megan signs Tony up to run with her 5-kilometers-sponsored (by him) run for the charity, which nearly gives him a heart attack, but they bring in the most. Alas Bernie recognizes the organizer, Buddy Freeman, as a renowned crook who steals the money raised by his fake charities. Mikey even planned to sell his beloved baseball-card collection for Buddy's benefit, so Tony refuses to believe it's fake, but sees for himself the next day..
Top-rated
Mon, Nov 22, 2004
Bernie's widowed mother Pamela Widmer is a bossy know-it-all who lives alone since he moved out but still has 'Bernard' whipped, so he keeps her at arm's-length except for family traditions such as flying over for the elaborate Thanksgiving dinner, and this year he got her and his crazy girlfriend Kiara (his mother's type, he hopes) invited to Tony's home, where Dana finds that she can't do a thing alone (well, not quite right) and sweet son Mickey is 'skinny,' as if Dana didn't feed her family properly (only true compared to O-shaped giant Bernie). Mickey and Megan wrestle with the table-leaf, which is in a sad state after years of non- and misuse. The men couldn't resist betting on the football game by phone, but Pamela must not find out.
Top-rated
Mon, Nov 29, 2004
Megan is happy with a box of dad's old clothes mailed by grandma, as "ugly old clothes" are in. Megan didn't give her soccer team's final a single thought despite dad's efforts, but by pure luck her averted head happens to be on the equally accidental path of the winning goal. Tony declares her the sports hero of the century, filling an entire episode of his TV program with Bernie to her accession to the Temple of Sports. Good son Mickey, whose devotion to golf was always boundless, ditches class the next day, neglects his clubs, and sneaks out, all firsts; Megan attributes this to Dad's "hippie period" diary--and the weed that they found in his 1970s pants. Tony finds deeply-disappointed Mickey practicing golf and gets arrested as trespasser in possession, but the kid's bone is of another, younger, meaner nature..
Mon, Dec 13, 2004
All Tony's over-enthusiastic hopes were on sweet son Mickey's amateur finale golf match, but his slick opponent Jake O'Shannon is just unbeatable that day. Megan protests she had to come, but suddenly take interest in golf on seeing hunky Jake. Tony can't stomach the loss, and pushes ever-obliging Mikey to dare Jake to a friendly rematch on his Philadelphia home turf links. Mikey wins the match and Megan wins a date to a party with Jake, but Tony forbids her to go, so she sneaks out right under her parents' noses after physically threatening gentle big brother Mikey into silence. But his innate honesty makes him crack and spill the truth at Dad and Bernie's first incredulous glance. Alas, Jake isn't quite Megan's dream prince..