A Prairie Home Companion (2006)

John C. Reilly: Lefty

Photos 

Quotes 

• Lefty : Did you know that diarrhea was hereditary?

  Dusty : No, I didn't.

  Lefty : Yeah, it runs in your genes.

• Lefty : The blind man's seeing eye dog pissed on the blind man's shoe. The blind man said "Here Rover, here's a piece of beef for you." His wife said "Don't reward him, you can't just let that pass." The blind man said "I gotta find his mouth so I can kick him in the ass."

• Lefty : What do you get when you cross holy water with castor oil?

  Dusty : I don't know, Lefty. What do you get?

  Lefty : A religious movement.

• Dusty , Lefty : [singing]  Bad jokes, Lord, I love 'em. / Bad jokes, can't get enough of em. / O-o-o-whee, / Bad jokes for me.

• Dusty : Hey, uh... hey, Lefty. What did the elephant say to the naked man?

  Lefty : What'd he say?

  Dusty : It's cute, but can you really breathe through that thing?

• Dusty : Did you hear about the Viagra shipment that got stolen?

  Lefty : No. Who do they think did it?

  Dusty : Well, they don't know, but they're on the look out for hardened criminals.

• Lefty : Now, how long you been doin' this?

  Garrison Keillor : Doin' what? Puttin' my pants on?

  Lefty : How long you been doin' radio?

  Garrison Keillor : Oh. I don't know. Thirty-some years, I guess. Started out in Mark Twain Days, Mississippi River and they hired me to play Huck Finn. I was running a raft on the Mississippi and carrying people across, and, it ran into the wake of a steamboat.

• Dusty : Can you tell potato face here that his butt is too big for his pants and people can see his crack and it ain't nothin' any normal person would ever care to look at?

  Lefty : Where?

  Dusty : In the back. That's where your crack is.

• Lefty : [singing]  When a beautiful young naked woman, Stood up in front of the group, She offered Gramps some super sex, And he said, 'I'll take the soup'!

• Garrison Keillor : That's our show. Remember to keep your feet on the ground, your hopes up high, pray for rain, keep the humor dry. And eat those Powdermilk Biscuits. Thank you, everybody.

  Garrison Keillor , Rhonda Johnson , Yolanda Johnson , Lola Johnson , Dusty , Lefty , Jearlyn Steele : [singing]  Come and sit by my side if you love me, Do not hasten to bid me adieu, But remember the Red River Valley, And the one who has loved you so true...