Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV Series)

Beer Bad (1999)

Alyson Hannigan: Willow Rosenberg

Photos 

Quotes 

• Willow Rosenberg : Buffy, that is my best friend, you need to think about not Parker. He's no good. There are men, *better* men, wherein the mind is stronger than the penis.

  Xander Harris : Pfft.

  [loudly] 

  Xander Harris : Nothing can defeat the penis!

  [Willow and Buffy stare at him] 

  Xander Harris : Too loud. Very unseemly.

• Xander Harris : I'm the new bartender over at the pub. Got my lighter, my rag, my empathy face.

  Willow Rosenberg : Aren't you too young to be a bartender?

  Xander Harris : Au contraire, mon frère.

  Buffy Summers : Mon frère means brother.

  Xander Harris : Mon girl-frère. Behold.

  [holds up a fake ID] 

  Willow Rosenberg : I don't believe this is entirely on the up-and-up.

  Xander Harris : What gives it away?

  Willow Rosenberg : Looking at it.

  Xander Harris : Well, no one's gonna see it, anyway. Now *I'm* the bartender. I kick people out.

• [Xander is practicing to be a bartender by listening to Buffy's problems] 

  Xander Harris : Ooh, then unload 'em right here, baby. Rough day? You wanna talk about it?

  [pause] 

  Xander Harris : Shutting up now.

  Willow Rosenberg : I'm pregnant by my stepbrother who'd rather be with my best friend who's he's left me with no place to live, no food except for this bottle of Wild Turkey which I drank all up.

  [Xander looks confused] 

  Willow Rosenberg : That was me being tanked and friendless for ya.

  Xander Harris : Gets my Oscar nod.

• Oz : Hey, you got a table.

  Willow Rosenberg : I had to kill a man.

  Oz : Well, it's a *really* good table.

• Parker Abrams : Willow... Can I tell you something kind of private?

  Willow Rosenberg : Okay. I mean, I feel you've shown me a perspective I hadn't really thought much about before. What is it you wanted to tell me?

  Parker Abrams : Just... I've enjoyed talking with you. Here, tonight.

  Willow Rosenberg : Me too... I mean, with you. You know, I'm-I'm wondering something. About you.

  Parker Abrams : What?

  Willow Rosenberg : Just how gullible do you think I am? I mean, with your gentle eyes and your shy smile and your ability to talk openly only to me. You're unbelievable!

• Buffy Summers : I'm suffering the afterness of a bad night of... badness.

  Willow Rosenberg : You didn't. Not with Parker again.

  Buffy Summers : No. With four really smart guys.

  Willow Rosenberg : Four? Oh... Ow. Oh, Buffy, uh, are you okay? Do you wanna talk about it?

  Buffy Summers : I went to see Xander. Then I saw Parker. Then came... beer.

  Willow Rosenberg : Then group sex?

  Buffy Summers : Pfft... gutter-face. No! Just lots and lots of beer.