Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV Series)

Beer Bad (1999)

Nicholas Brendon: Xander Harris

Photos 

Quotes 

• Buffy Summers : Beer! Buffy want beer.

  Rupert Giles : No. Yo-You can't have beer.

  Buffy Summers : Want... beer.

  Xander Harris : Giles, don't make Cave-Slayer unhappy.

• Rupert Giles : I can't believe you served Buffy that beer.

  Xander Harris : I didn't know it was evil.

  Rupert Giles : You knew it was beer.

  Xander Harris : Well, excuse me, Mister "I Spent the Sixties in an Electric-Kool-Aid-Funky-Satan Groove."

  Rupert Giles : It was the early seventies and you should know better.

• Willow Rosenberg : Buffy, that is my best friend, you need to think about not Parker. He's no good. There are men, *better* men, wherein the mind is stronger than the penis.

  Xander Harris : Pfft.

  [loudly] 

  Xander Harris : Nothing can defeat the penis!

  [Willow and Buffy stare at him] 

  Xander Harris : Too loud. Very unseemly.

• Xander Harris : And was there a lesson in all this? Huh? What did we learn about beer?

  Buffy Summers : Foamy!

  Xander Harris : Good. Just as long as that's clear.

• Xander Harris : I'm the new bartender over at the pub. Got my lighter, my rag, my empathy face.

  Willow Rosenberg : Aren't you too young to be a bartender?

  Xander Harris : Au contraire, mon frère.

  Buffy Summers : Mon frère means brother.

  Xander Harris : Mon girl-frère. Behold.

  [holds up a fake ID] 

  Willow Rosenberg : I don't believe this is entirely on the up-and-up.

  Xander Harris : What gives it away?

  Willow Rosenberg : Looking at it.

  Xander Harris : Well, no one's gonna see it, anyway. Now *I'm* the bartender. I kick people out.

• Buffy Summers : Want beer. Like beer. Beer good.

  Xander Harris : Beer bad. Bad, bad beer.

• [Xander is practicing to be a bartender by listening to Buffy's problems] 

  Xander Harris : Ooh, then unload 'em right here, baby. Rough day? You wanna talk about it?

  [pause] 

  Xander Harris : Shutting up now.

  Willow Rosenberg : I'm pregnant by my stepbrother who'd rather be with my best friend who's he's left me with no place to live, no food except for this bottle of Wild Turkey which I drank all up.

  [Xander looks confused] 

  Willow Rosenberg : That was me being tanked and friendless for ya.

  Xander Harris : Gets my Oscar nod.

• [flicks lighter] 

  Xander Harris : Rough day...? Come on, Buff. Be a lonely drunk...

  [flicks lighter again] 

  Xander Harris : Rough day?

  Buffy Summers : Stop flicking at me.

  Xander Harris : Work with me here. I'm finally an essential part of your college-y life. No more looking down on the townie.