Full House (TV Series)

Under the Influence (1994)

Candace Cameron Bure: D.J. Tanner

Quotes 

• Kimmy Gibbler : Last night I dreamt I was driving this big, white porcelain bus.

  D.J. : That was because you had your head in the toilet throwing up every half hour.

  Kimmy Gibbler : Oh, so that's why every time I hit the turn signal, I heard a flush.

• [a flashback shows D.J. and Kimmy at a fraternity party. Kimmy got drunk] 

  D.J. : And that's what really happened.

  Kimmy Gibbler : [angrily]  You just can't admit you were jealous of me! You had to embarrass me, and take my car keys like I'm some kind of *child*!

  D.J. : Kimmy, you could barely *walk*.

  Kimmy Gibbler : [shouts]  It's my life! What do *you* care?

  D.J. : I'm sorry. I *do* care. My mom died because of a drunk driver.

  [near tears] 

  D.J. : I wasn't gonna lose my best friend the same way.

  Kimmy Gibbler : [feeling ashamed]  Deej I'm sorry. I know. I made an idiot out of myself last night. I didn't know how to talk to those frat guys. But after a couple of drinks, I started to loosen up. For the first time in my life, I felt cool.

  D.J. : Well, Kimmy, they called you a lot of things at that party, but cool wasn't one of 'em.

  Kimmy Gibbler : Well, Deej, how come *you* weren't nervous?

  D.J. : Are you kidding? I was a wreck. I was talking to this really cute guy and he kept smiling at me, and then I looked down, and I realized that my elbow was in the clam dip.

  Kimmy Gibbler : Oh, man. I would've been so humiliated.

  D.J. : Yeah, well, it wasn't my finest moment. But, in some weird way, it broke the ice, and we were laughing about it.

  Kimmy Gibbler : So, the trick to staying calm is to keep your elbow in the dip?

  D.J. : The trick is to remember that everybody is nervous, and it is a lot easier to handle if you stay in control.

  Kimmy Gibbler : I'm glad one of us did. Thanks, D.J.

  [she and D.J. hug] 

• D.J. : Kimmy, you can't drive!

  Kimmy Gibbler : [drunk]  Well if I walk and fall, I might hurt myself.

• Stephanie Tanner : [diagnosing Kimmy's symptoms]  Kimmy ate tainted pork.

  D.J. : She didn't eat tainted pork, she's drunk.

  Stephanie Tanner : We've gotta tell Dad.

  D.J. : No, if he finds out he'll kick her out of the house and never let her back over.

  Stephanie Tanner : Again I say, we've gotta tell dad.

• Danny Tanner : [knocks]  D.J. are you in there?

  D.J. : Yeah one sec Dad!

  [clears off pillows off of her bed, and pushes Kimmy under the covers] 

  Kimmy Gibbler : Wahoo!

  D.J. : Kimmy, we're going to play a little game okay? Whoever stays quietest the longest gets to lipwrestle with the captain of the football team!

  Kimmy Gibbler : Play ball!

  D.J. : [pulls blanket over Kimmy's head]  Come in!

  Danny Tanner : [opens door]  You're home early, how was the party?

  D.J. : Oh, it was great! It was really good! We just didn't want to burn out on all the fun!

  Danny Tanner : I'm glad you had a good time.

  [Kimmy starts rolling around under the blankets] 

  Danny Tanner : That isn't the guy who created The Love Boat under there is it?

  D.J. : No!

  [stands up] 

  D.J. : Umm... actually it's Kimmy. She had a really big fight so I just told her she could sleep at our house!

  Danny Tanner : Why couldn't she just have a really big fight with us and sleep at her own house?

  D.J. : That's something to think about

  [laughs nervously] 

  D.J. : You know I'm really tired from all that frat fun, I'll just see you in the morning.

  Danny Tanner : Good night hun.

  [leaves and closes door] 

  Kimmy Gibbler : [Sits up in bed with the blanket still over her head]  Hey! This party's too dark!

  D.J. : [pulls the blanket off of Kimmy]  Kimmy, the party's over, you got us kicked out. Just go to sleep okay?