The Goodies (TV Series)

Daylight Robbery on the Orient Express (1976)

Graeme Garden: Graeme Garden

Photos 

Quotes 

• Graeme Garden : [Graeme's voice-over on the advert for their new business]  This is Goodie Hols calling! Are you bored with traditional holidays? Wouldn't you rather go big game hunting, or shark fishing? Or perhaps you'd fancy a week's brain surgery? Well, anything is possible if you book for a new-style Goodies Adventure Holiday - holidays for the specialist, arranged by people who KNOW!

• Graeme Garden : [after the boys have convinced the Detective's Club the train is real, Graeme and Tim convene in the livestock car]  Now the problem is, we need a crime. A crime for them to solve.

  Bill Oddie : [Comes in, inexplicably wet]  That's easy - I'm gonna kill you!

  Graeme Garden : [Pinches his nose to block a bad smell]  Whoo! Dear...

  Bill Oddie : What? It's not me! It's not me! It must be the goat! You naughty goat, what have you done? You...

  Tim Brooke-Taylor : [pinches his own nose when Bill comes close]  Bill, eeew...

  Bill Oddie : Oh, shut up! Come on, please! Honestly! It was snowing, wasn't it? It was snowing! So I have to shelter somewhere, don't I? So what do I do? I climb under the train, don't I? And while I'm there under the train, all of a sudden, SWOOSH! I get a ruddy great load of...!

  Graeme Garden : Shhh, shhh, shhh...!

  [the train engine starts chugging] 

  Bill Oddie : Don't shush me, mate! I've had enough, I tell you! And you can have your train record back!

  [Hands it to him] 

  Bill Oddie : No more "Woo-Woo!" No more running up and down in trees! I'm fed up!

  Graeme Garden : Bill, this is my train record!

  Bill Oddie : Yes it is! And no more humping cows up and down, or I shall kill you! I...

  Graeme Garden : Bill, my train record is in here, and yet I can still hear the sound, as of a moving train!

  Bill Oddie : Listen, I don't care about that, mate! As far as I am concerned, the "Orient Express" stops RIGHT HERE!

  [Goes to step outside and as the train is indeed moving is thrown out onto the side of the tracks] 

• Graeme Garden : [Sniffs a bottle marked "arsenic"]  The characteristic smell of bitter almonds!

  Bill Oddie : Isn't that cyanide?

  Graeme Garden : Precisely! This arsenic has been poisoned!