Home Improvement (TV Series)

Haunting of Taylor House (1992)

Richard Karn: Al Borland

Quotes 

• Tim : Well, although we all can't be as spooky as Al, we can carve some pretty good jack o'lanterns.

  Al : That's right; as the audience can see, I'm all finished with mine.

  [he turns it on, and it's a picture of Bob Vila; the audience applauds] 

  Tim : Yeah, yeah; well, I could spend long boring hours chiseling it out with these, or I could put some excitement into the pumpkin-carving process - I would use what?

  Crowd : MORE POWER!

  Tim : You're darn right, more power; I've already chunked and chiseled this baby out, and now all I need is a small explosion to knock the pieces out.

• Danny : [Tim is dressed as Nana-stein, a creepy old woman]  This is pathetic. You're in a dress, your son is a doll, and your wife is a radish.

  Jill : Hey, I'm a carrot. Learn your vegetables.

  Tim : Hey, lighten up; don't ruin this for everybody else, okay?

  Danny : If you built this, it's all gonna fall apart anyway. I've seen your show. It ought to be called Fool Time.

  Tim : [after pause]  You know, making fun of Nana-stein's favorite show is not a good idea, son. Why don't you check out Nana's tool box.

  Danny : Oh ho, a tool box. I'm scared. What's gonna happen? Is a wrench gonna pop out and say, "Boo!"

  Tim : I don't know...

  Danny : [the tool box falls apart to reveal an upside-down bucket]  Ooo ho ho, a bucket. I'm really scared.

  [lifts the bucket to find Al's bloody fanged head] 

  Al : Grrr! Arrr!

  [Danny screams in fright and runs] 

• Al : [unable to find Tim, who is hiding behind the set with a zombie mask on]  Tim! Tim!

  Tim : [in a gruff voice]  Tim's not here.

  [he comes out with the mask on, trying to scare Al] 

  Tim : Hey, Al, that's a good costume you got on; what are you?

  Al : [dryly]  I'm Al.

  Tim : [shrieking to the camera]  Ahhh, it's an Al!